Music

According to experts who have been to gigs every band in the world is definitely having more fun than the audience. "Standing ankle deep in urine next to strangers who smell of rolling tobacco and...

The David Bowie hit Life On Mars is getting a slight posthumous makeover, it would appear. In response to NASA’s announcement about the possibility of life on one of Saturn’s moons, the Bowie estate have...

Ed Sheeran - like him or dislike him, it seems that nobody has particularly strong feelings about him either way, it would appear. At a recent gig in London, ticket holders were photographed en masse...

Jeremy Corbyn attended the Glastonbury festival today to deliver a speech to a crowd of thousands. The MP, short for the Messiah of the People, spoke to the crowd about the rights and responsibilities of...

BBC bosses are completely at a loss to explain why Nick Grimshaw's BBC Radio 1 breakfast show has suffered its biggest drop in ratings since RAJAR began collecting data in 1992. Grimshaw, who has...

In a bid to appear more accessible to young people the Conservative party have updated the image of some of their more prominent MPs. The aim is to change public opinion; to be seen as...

Research has shown that the Old Trafford gig on July 4th by Radiohead attracted more wankers than any previous gig. It is estimated that, of the 31,000 crowd, 68.7% were utter tosspots. The total...

The death of the latest life-long influence of people too painfully cool for words, Fats Domino, has caused a Google Crash despite everyone thinking he was already dead. The desperate search for the "Did...

Enough is enough. Amber Rudd rounded on those who “tolerate” Justin Bieber as she told them: “Enough is enough”. The Home Secretary chided all who provide “safe spaces” for Bieber - in “real life”...

Music - The world's most successful all-girl prefabricated band The Spice Girls have announced plans to reform. The quintet, featuring the newly-nicknamed Crusty Spice, Stairlift Spice, Surgicalsupporty Spice, Nicegingerbiscuit Spice and Victoria Beckham (registered trademark)...

Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings. The 80's porkie-pie uttering singer has told reporters "Look, i just made it up...

A man who claims to prefer John Lennon to Paul McCartney actually knows more of the latter’s songs, it has emerged. Music fan Lennie Payne 41, told the Rochdale Herald of how much he preferred...

Distraught musicians Florence Welch and Calvin Harris have spoken out at their horror of discovering that they have next to no control over what type of people might like their music. The musicians have...

With thanks (and muted apologies) to Simon & Garfunkel But Islam's not a race, they screamed into his brown face And here's to you Tommy Robinson Mohammad loves you more than you will know Whoa,...

Tim Farron has sensationally quit the leadership of the Liberal Democrats this week to pursue a lifelong ambition to become a full time Judy Garland impersonator.

It has been confirmed that Jeremy Corbyn will be producing the next Stormzy album. The album will be produced in a reclaimed timber shed on Corbyn’s allotment patch. It is also expected to be made...