child

Complete sadist buys 2 year old nephew a keyboard for Christmas

0
A man from Rochdale has bought his nephew the gift of music for Christmas. Stan Still told us, "I've played in bands since I was...

Dolly Parton to re-release classic ‘9 to 5’ as ‘8 to 6 on a...

0
Music industry representatives were bouncing off walls this morning with the news that megastar Dolly Parton is to re-release her classic smash hit ‘9...

A-ha Star In Blaze Nightmare

4
A source close to 80’s Norwegian heartthrob Morten Harket, of synthpop sensations A-ha, has confirmed that the housewives’ favourite was rushed to hospital last...
Pyongyang Style

North Korean rapper DMZ launches attack on US Charts with Pyongyang Style

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North Korean rap artist DMZ 'exploded' into the US Billboard charts today with his latest hit "Pyongyang Style". The song, which is his own twist...

How the fuck do you follow THAT, Dave Grohl screams at Glastonbury organiser after...

18
Dave Grohl is alleged to have been quaking having to follow on from Jeremy Corbyn even exclaiming "How the f**k do we follow that." Grohl...
Ed Sheeran

Bloke who knocked Ed Sheeran off bike given MBE for services to music industry

45
The man who ran over Ed Sheeran and broke his arm will receive an MBE in the new year’s honours list, it has been...

“One walk a day more than enough” say The Proclaimers

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Following Prime Minister Boris Johnson's announcement that the UK is now in a state of national emergency and that citizens are only permitted to...
Glastonbury

Corbyn’s speech was good but what have Cheesemakers done for me, asks man at...

19
Jeremy Corbyn attended the Glastonbury festival today to deliver a speech to a crowd of thousands. The MP, short for the Messiah of the People,...
Lionel Richie

I’ve never danced on a ceiling, confession SHOCK

0
Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings. The 80's porkie-pie uttering...

Songwriter reveals “Always something there to remind me” was written about Herpes

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The Burt Bacharach song, "Always something there to remind me" was written about Herpes. Or that's according to a new documentary to be screened...

Radiohead Gig Attracts Record Number Of Twats

118
Research has shown that the Old Trafford gig on July 4th by Radiohead attracted more wankers than any previous gig. It is estimated that,...
Tony Hadley

Fat red faced old man quits boring 80s band

6
Shockwaves rang through Tin Pan Alley yesterday with the news that singer Tony Hadley was quitting 80s pop toppers Spandau Ballet. In a cryptic tweet...
Phil Collins

Singer-songwriter Phil Collins to release Death Metal album

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Phil Collins is set to release an album of previously unheard material made up of songs classified as being from the extreme subgenre of...

Stevie Wonder just chooses to be blind, says Kanye West

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Batshit crazy US rapper Kanye West has said that the Stevie Wonder’s blindness may be a “choice.”

Spice Girls Wannapee reunion tour sponsored by Tena

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Music - The world's most successful all-girl prefabricated band The Spice Girls have announced plans to reform. The quintet, featuring the newly-nicknamed Crusty Spice, Stairlift...
Radiohead

Radiohead settle copyright spat over Remoaners’ moaning and whining

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Radiohead have settled their claims that Remain voters have stolen all the moaning and whining directly from their back catalogue. Immediately after bringing an end...

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