Crime

Hundreds of residents of Nelson Mandela House in Peckham have been evacuated after 20,000 Litres of highly flammable, luminous yellow paint was found stockpiled in one of the flats. The flat is thought to belong...

In a bold new democracy-busting move, Emperor Trump has decreed the police will now swear an oath of allegiance directly to the person of himself. They will be rebranded "the Orange Shirts", be given...

"It's them Joos again!" exclaimed Noel Iteracy. "I hate Joos, except Orange Juice, they was a good band, but Big Country was huge twats and should of been banned innit." "Of course the hologram never...

The beleaguered Secretary of State is still denying accusations of downloading and viewing porn like a teen with two dicks on his office computer at work. The claims have been made by an ex...

Undercover Herald reporter Bazzer McNood has been sentenced to 15 months (suspended) plus a 20 hour Community Service Order for making lewd and obscene nuisance phone calls in contravention of the Communications Act 2003.   Mr McNood,...

Leaked Home Office document shows that the high concentration of police at the entrance to Parliament could lead to unprecedented levels of stop and search, hindering MPs' entrance and exit from Westminster. A spike in...

Greater Manchester Police have hired the youngest ever special Constable this week. James Cannings was sworn in by Chief Constable Rob Potts on Thursday. James Cannings (12) is said to be a little overwhelmed by...

The West: Well, Russia. What do have to say for yourself?  Russia: Vot? I don't know vot you are talking about.  The West: That missile! We investigated and found out it was a Russian missile,...

Leaked Home Office document reveals correlation between law enforcement and criminality. A fall in police numbers is likely to have contributed to a rise in serious violent crime, according to a leaked Home Office document...

As the case against Trump supporter and white nationalist butt-nugget Matthew Heimbach heats up, his lawyer has said that Trump may well be called to the stand and indicted himself, for incitement. In the federal...

Rochdale police have announced they have comprehended and changed a man in his fortes for the brittle killing of his spell checker. In a statesman, a pokes person for the forceps told us there saying they...

Rochdale Crown Court today saw the conclusion of the now infamous "Scatter Cushion Slaying" case. The accused, Abraham Smith (54), from the Sink Estate pleaded guilty to stabbing his wife of 22 years 67 times...

Following a recent spate of shoplifting, Rochdale's Littleborough branch of Tesco Express came under fire today for apparently launching a dramatic new zero-tolerance 'stop and search' policy. It is understood that the introduction of the...

Americans were rocked to the core today to find that it was possible to resolve a dispute without gunfire. Chuck Henderson, a 7-Eleven employee from Milwaukee, was live streaming himself closing his store for the...

The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from King Edward VIIII's hospital in Battersea. The Duke is rumoured to...

An entire top shelf of global mass murderers have signalled they plan to emerge from hiding following the announcement by US president Donald trump that he has - complete power to pardon anyone, anywhere,...