Leaked Home Office document reveals correlation between law enforcement and criminality.

A fall in police numbers is likely to have contributed to a rise in serious violent crime, according to a leaked Home Office document not seen by the Herald but likely seen by the series of senior Conservative politicians claiming the opposite.

The leak came as Home Secretary Amber Rudd introduced the Taking Our Knives Every Night legislation into Parliament. The TOKEN bill provides for new police powers to add to the ones that they are presently not using due to lack of officers. It does not provide, however, for more police, despite the document’s DPP claims:

1. DETER: people are less likely to commit a crime if they see a police officer. This deterrent is more effective when there is a police officer, for them to see.

2. PREVENT: A police officer can use their existing powers to approach suspicious individuals. A police officer who does not exist, cannot exercise this power, or any new ones.

3. PURSUE: A police officer can investigate crime. A police officer who does not exist, cannot.

Responding to the leaked document the Home Secretary said “I think the British public have had quite enough of experts, don’t you?”

Junior Home Office Minister, Lyes McLyeface, said: “irrespective of this Home Office paper, there is no reason to believe cutting police numbers has had any impact on crime levels. We are temporarily increasing the numbers of police in London to deal with this temporary blip, which is caused by the failed Labour Mayor’s policies, and not by the numbers of police, which we are increasing, temporarily.”

London PC Tony Stamp, said “well, I’m obviously delighted to be one of those extra officers. Cancelling my leave is one way of ensuring we have more police on the streets at the same time. Although my wife has now left me, I’m happy to do my bit.”

Over time it is hoped that cuts in Londoners will lead to less Londoners committing crime and police numbers can be cut further, until eventually London will no longer need policing.