Extra hour…or do we lose one? Anyway clock change thingy happens

0
The half of the nation whose oven clocks are correct swapped places with the half whose oven clocks are an hour or twelve out last night. The six monthly ritual celebrates the fact that we...

People who speak in cliches to be removed from breeding population

33
Sociologists and linguists from Rochdale Community University have discovered that Kelvin Pastie, 31, an unemployed conspiracy theorist, speaks almost entirely in cliches. "We first heard of him on a Twitter feed when he said, 'Corybin should...
Sad Dog

Family dog requests compassionate leave to mourn arrival of baby

3
Charlotte, a seven year old English Bulldog, is heart broken after a new baby was born this morning in her family. She admits to being pleased her female owner came through birthing the human puppy...

Britain’s Children Rejoice as Broccoli Rationed

1
Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed. "Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing (8) from Scumbag Primary School, Rochdale. "The green poison is...
NewsThump

Rochdale IT Worker Deletes Human Rights Act

Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked by Theresa May's new Government to get rid of the...

British Company Based In Britain Backs Britain

Brexiters across the land are jubilantly crying "We told you so!" after GlaxoSmithKline, a UK company, based in the UK, that wanted the UK to stay in the EU admitted that despite never saying...

Self-publicist Simon Danczuk MP fails to start Twitter war with Vince Cable

Disgraced labour MP, serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk accused the former Business Secretary Sir Vince Cable of being "old hat" on Twitter this morning. Sir Cable, who wasn't suspended from his party...

Brexit Plan Turns Out To Be Just David Davis Bragging About His Massive Staff

0
The world waited with baited breath for David Davis' speech in which he was expected to reveal the government's plans for exiting the EU. The speech was timed to take place at the exact...

Patients should only suffer because of politics – Insists Hunt

0
Homeopathic politician and all-round quack-licker Jeremy The Hunt has stated that patients will suffer if planned strikes by junior doctors go ahead. "Obviously we don't have a problem with patients suffering from underfunding and our...

Power vacuum at the top of British politics sponsored by Dyson

0
Into the breach steps the face that launched a thousand suckers, James Dyson. He wants the country to shake the dust off its feet so that he can clean up at the next election,...

Blairite Entryism Not A Big Deal, Insist Blairites

It was revealed today that a Blairite peer, a hedge fund manager, several rich business types and a Liberal Democrat Lord were behind the organisation within Labour called 'Labour Tomorrow.' The group's mission is to...

Stephen Fry forced to deny writing tomorrow’s Queen Speech

0
Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street has commissioned the famous comedian Stephen Fry. Given the smash hit...
Calendar

Government Announces National Nothing Day.

0
From worthy issues such as International Women’s Day to cultural stereotypes like National Tea Day, it seems like every day is "something" Day. Just about anything you can imagine, there’s a day for it;...
Britain First

Britain First strangely quiet over Jo Cox murder

0
This week saw the conviction and sentencing of Thomas Mair in the case of the tragic murder of MP Jo Cox.  During the murder, the accused is said to have shouted "... Britain first...", before...

Tower Bridge To House Migrants 

0
London readers will notice scaffolding appearing on the iconic Tower Bridge today (Saturday) as the bridge is now closed until December in order to house migrants, mostly from Syria and Iraq.  The plan by Labour...

Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame

0
 Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of Dame Lowell Goddard, who didn't have the balls to turn...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts