Fuck this, we’re off to the pub say protestors
The one million protestors who were expected to topple the Tory government today collectively said “fuck this, we’re off to the pub” after temperatures...
British Firewall totally not about censorship and spying, says head of spying and censorship...
GCHQ, the British spy agency that is regularly exposed for bugging our phones and nicking our online data to spy on us, has announced...
Wales announces plans to be available in colour by 2022
The Welsh national Assembly has announced plans for Cardiff to be available in colour from 2022.
Cardiff will be the first City in Wales...
RSPCA requests help in tackling dangerous domestic terriers
“No, I don’t care. Show me pictures of abandoned dog toys, show me puppies floating in the water, play violins and show me skinny hounds looking sad. I still don’t care,” said Katie Hopkins.
Smart Energy may help me keep job – says National Grid boss
The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw, has today encouraged consumers to opt for "smart energy" devices which will enable her to...
Patients should only suffer because of politics – Insists Hunt
Homeopathic politician and all-round quack-licker Jeremy The Hunt has stated that patients will suffer if planned strikes by junior doctors go ahead.
"Obviously we don't...
Man praised for not shitting himself when followed by police car
A Rochdale man was being congratulated today after not completely shitting his pants when a police car followed him round a corner on Saturday...
Britain’s Children Rejoice as Broccoli Rationed
Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed.
"Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing...
Tower Bridge To House Migrants
London readers will notice scaffolding appearing on the iconic Tower Bridge today (Saturday) as the bridge is now closed until December in order to...
Blairite Entryism Not A Big Deal, Insist Blairites
It was revealed today that a Blairite peer, a hedge fund manager, several rich business types and a Liberal Democrat Lord were behind the...
Stephen Fry forced to deny writing tomorrow’s Queen Speech
Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street...
Scone versus scone pronunciation debate hits 14th consecutive hour
It's National Cream Tea Day, which means across the nation the fine china is taken off the Welsh dresser and selections of finger sandwiches...
Potholes are going to be our next victims, confirms government
A source within the Conservative Party has confirmed today that they plan to murder all of the potholes in the country should they win...
Oxford English Dictionary finally defines ‘Brexit’
Brexit means Brexit… says Mrs T. May of Downing Street. Her assertion has prompted many people to ask exactly what ‘Brexit’ means. Answers have so far...
Corbyn ‘sells out’ in Stoke
Leader of the Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn (27), has finally sold out in Stoke.
“Every single copy of my Big Issues has gone…”, said Corbyn....
Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame
Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of...
