Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public

18
HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.  Palace officials were quick to point...

Man who said homeopathy should be available on the NHS attends first chemistry lesson

0
The man who said that Homeopathy should have a place on the NHS as it compliments science based medicine as they both come from...

Northern Shithole Celebrates UK Capital of Culture with Pie and Peas and a Knobbly...

13
About 60,000 people came out in Hull to watch a Burger Eating Contest & Arm Wrestling show to mark the start of the city's...

Heat from self-righteous can power the world

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Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated...

BBC expose puts police behind Barr’s

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A shock revelation on BBC Breakfast this morning revealed that British police forces are using fizzy drink to subdue suspects. The footage was taken from...

Dominic Cummings appears on TV to tell plebs to f*** off in person

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Dominic Cummings has appeared on the BBC to tell everyone to f*** off and leave him alone. Speaking to Secretary of the Boris Booster Club,...

Skeletor still ‘pretty buff’ for a skeleton

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Men's Health Magazine today announced its annual Top Ten Fittest Male Celebs list with actor, recently elected DUP MP and self proclaimed evil overlord Skeletor...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson spotted on side of M25 after wheels and doors fall off car

6
Reports have reached the Rochdale Herald that Boris Johnson was spotted by the side of the M25 yesterday waiting for a recovery truck. One witness...

Cost of posting a letter first class rises to both legs below the knee

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The rises in the cost of posting your mum's birthday card using The Royal Mail have now come into effect. A first-class stamp will now...
Kirkcaldy

Scotsman wakes to sobering horror that he lives in Kirkcaldy

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A Scotsman has been telling people of the dawning horror that he still lives in Kirkcaldy. A reporter for The Rochdale Herald Scotland edition said,...

Britain warned Brexit could be as bad as Star Wars: The Phatom Menace

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Britain has been warned that Brexit could be as bad as Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. The warning comes a week after the Government...
Snow on trees

Britain urged to get used to winter

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With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get...
Man in tree with chainsaw

Sheffield Council misunderstand the word ‘Socialist’

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Sheffield council yesterday accepted they had fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'socialism'.  Following a vehement rejection by local residents of their plan to cut down...
fire safety experts

Fire safety experts admit fire escapes probably not best place for massive explosive gas...

1
Camden fire chiefs are today red faced at having to admit to missing bleedin' obvious fire hazards in poor peoples' containment blocks on all...

Government launches electric car scrappage scheme to combat CO2 shortage

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In a move that characterises the Government's inability to understand science it has been announced that they will launch an electric car scrappage scheme...

Cummings reveals he was attending Durham Pizza Express

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Dominic Cummings has dramatically revealed that he was visiting Durham's Pizza Express on the advice of Prince Andrew. In a televised interview Cummings said, "I...

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