Ordinary, innocent Britons, along with many who voted Leave, were faced today with the horrendous realisation that the much vaunted ‘Brexit Bonus’ was likely to be ‘having Michael Gove as Prime Minister’.

Ordinary, innocent Briton Chris Wolstenholme of Teignmouth said, “I can’t fucking believe it.  A bonus is supposed to be good, right? Like a Brucie Bonus on ‘Play Your Cards Right’. Imagine if you won a Brucie Bonus and out trotted that recycled Thunderbird puppet, Michael Gove.  Not even Sir Bruce Forsyth could pull that off, God love him, he’s with the Queen Mum, Ken Dodd and Jimmy Tarbuck now ”

Dominic Howard of Teignmouth agreed “That Pob-faced cretin had all the teachers hate him when he was Minister for Education and, now he’s at Defra, all the farmers and fishermen hate him too.

“I suppose all the talk is of ‘bringing people together’ so given everyone hates the hamster-cheeked halfwit, that might JUST work.”

Matt Bellamy of Teignmouth took a more sanguine view, saying,

“Even though his face looks like it’s made out of the stretched out remains of whoopee cushions, at least he’s not Theresa May.”

Which is true.