Chaos at Speakers’ Corner after steaming pile of dog excrement is mistaken for Tommy...

0
There were scenes of chaos at Speakers' Corner earlier today after a steaming pile of dog shit was apparently mistaken for EDL-founder Tommy Robinson.  It is understood that the moldering heap of crap, which...

Football team goes one point ahead in Premiership.

0
Fans of popular football team Chelsea Albion were agog with joy today when the team went one point ahead of arch rivals Liverpool Wanderers...
Theresa May

Prime Minister to help poor by donating fox meat to food banks

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Theresa May has today unveiled plans to improve the diet of malnourished children in areas with high levels poverty. "This is a great policy that kills...

Stonewall acknowledge calls for heterosexual pride day with “Float of Closets”

0
Breakthrough for influential alt-gay movement as the legendary Ruth Hunt, CEO of Stonewall, personally announced the plan to address the concerns that alt-gays were...
Vauxhall

Man in spoiler covered Vauxhall Zafira admits life hasn’t turned out as hoped

0
Warning: This article contains spoilers. Henry Profiterole, 35, was recently forced to admit that he had covered his 10 year old Vauxhall Zafira with slogans...
Homeless

Every doorway to get free homeless person, pledge Conservatives

0
The Tory Party has pledged that every doorway in Britain will get a free homeless person by 2021. A spokesman told us, "The Tory Party...

Northern Shithole Celebrates UK Capital of Culture with Pie and Peas and a Knobbly...

13
About 60,000 people came out in Hull to watch a Burger Eating Contest & Arm Wrestling show to mark the start of the city's...

Praise for latest ‘uncomfortable’ experience as Ryanair continue Doctor Who themed flights

0
Ryanair CEO, and Doctor Who Super Fan, Michael O'Leary reaffirms airline's commitment to the BBC series Budget airline Ryanair continues to work round the BBC...

That’ll Show Them…

0
Racists reacted with predictable denial today when faced with the reality that the punishments they frequently recommend for those seeking asylum, immigrants and generally...
Good Morning

A quick break from satire

0
Last week there was a rather big election in the USA. The supporters of the losing candidate have spent every waking moment since, it...

More Guardian Subscriptions Cancelled Over Fresh Crossword Slur

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Following yesterday's scandal that saw literally units of enraged Scotts cancelling their subscriptions, The Guardian's simple crossword this morning poured fresh fuel onto the...
Kate Middleton

Royal Baby ‘pretty unlikely to be ginger’ say Palace sources

48
Buckingham Palace sources have told The Rochdale Herald that it is "pretty bloody unlikely" that the next Royal baby will be a ginger. They...
Brexit Bus

4,600 redundancies at Rolls Royce was on the other bus, insist Brexiteers

0
Brexiteers have been quick to point out that 4,600 people being made redundant at Rolls Royce was on a different bus to the one...
Queen and Philip

Queen’s Speech delayed as Elizabeth II seeks treatment for stress related Tourette’s 

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Security has been increased at King Edward VII hospital, where it is believed her Majesty the Queen is currently undergoing treatment for an acute...

Nuttall Lost Close Personal Friends When They Discovered He Was An Arsehole

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UKIP leader Paul Nuttall lost 'close personal friends' when they discovered he was a bigoted, racist arsehole. “People started to shun me and sometimes even...

Citizen’s arrest powers updated to include summary execution

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Put your hands on the car and get ready to die. Home Secretary Amber Rudd confirmed today that the Police and Criminal Evidence Act (PACE)...

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