David Davis

New Heathrow runway will make getting to France easier say Brexiteers

0
The new runway at Heathrow airport will be completed just in time for leading Brexiteer's to use it to leave the country for villa's...

Suicide prevented with picture of ‘Inspirational Quote’

0
Clinically depressed Phil Jones, 38, was found standing on the edge of Clifton Suspension Bridge after his wife had left him last Tuesday. Mr. Jones...
Arguing Old Women

Scone versus scone pronunciation debate hits 14th consecutive hour

38
It's National Cream Tea Day, which means across the nation the fine china is taken off the Welsh dresser and selections of finger sandwiches...
Prince Philip

Prince Philip denies sending Harry and Megan packet of mystery white powder

0
The Duke of Edinburgh has strenuously denied sending Prince Harry and Megan Marckle a toxic package. The parcel was left on Harry and Megan's doorstep...
Bank entrance

Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test

14
Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually...
Daily Express Readers

Charity begins at home, say dickheads who don’t give money to charity

0
Total wankers around the country have responded to increases in the foreign aid budget by insisting that charity begins at home. The wankers, who can...

Southerner changes view of North after paying less than £7 for a pint

0
A pig headed Southern man has reduced his negative opinion of the north by 0.00000001% after spending a delightful weekend in Heckmondwicke. Southerner Paul Thatcher-Wright,...

We survived Bubonic plague so we’ll probably survive Brexit, Government assures Britain

0
The Government has released advice on what to do in the event of a 'no-deal' Brexit. The advice has the catchy strap line, "No-deal,...

The Queen is afraid Donald Trump will leave orange residue all over Buckingham Palace...

0
The Queen is afraid of the orange mess Trump will make during his visit.  The President of the United States, Donald Trump wants to meet...

Tower Bridge To House Migrants 

0
London readers will notice scaffolding appearing on the iconic Tower Bridge today (Saturday) as the bridge is now closed until December in order to...

Theresa May Reads A Christmas Carol Backwards To Give It A Happy Ending

0
It's one of the most famous stories, if not the most famous, in the English language. It's been made into countless films, plays and...
Amber Rudd

I did get the memo, but I don’t know what’s in it because I...

Home Secretary Amber Rudd has admitted that she did actually get the memo about specific migrant removal targets, but was unable to read it...

One dead and two critical after fight over last packet of burger buns

0
At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a...
bottles of water

New Juice Plus rival Juice Minus to include ‘no juice’

0
It's that time of the year again when everyone makes doomed to fail resolutions but, fear not, there's a new product on the market...
Celebrating Man

Rochdale man abandons Marxism after winning £10 on lottery

5
A Rochdale resident has been explaining how winning £10 on the lottery has made him re-evaluate his position on Marxism. Shea Bukharin told the Herald,...

Man who forgot to take smartphone to loo with him makes full recovery

A bloke who forgot to take his iPhone to the toilet with him this morning has made a “complete” recovery following “breakthrough” treatment with...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts