Bra fitters feel a right pair of tits after revealing the size of the...

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Bra fitters Rigby & Peller have lost their Royal warrant after Buckingham Palace cancelled its contract with the company after they revealed intimate details...
Glass of orange juice

The man from Del Monte in critical condition with scurvy

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80's TV ad star and renowned juice producer, Derek Monte, was rushed to hospital yesterday and  immediately diagnosed with scurvy, a debilitating illness caused...
Viagra

Sale of over-counter Viagra faces stiff opposition

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The Women's Institute are lobbying  the Health Secretary demanding that Viagra only be available through prescription and after consultation with a Doctor. Recent changes bought...
Ryanair

Calling people a Black Bastard is a term of endearment, says Ryanair racist

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A man who was filmed saying racist things to a black grandma on a Ryanair flight this week has said that calling her a...
Hippy shit

Two kids remember something – proves some hippy shit totally

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With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the...
Larry the Cat

Larry the Downing Street Cat responds to allegations of sexual misconduct: These stories are...

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Disgraced veteran mouser Larry the Downing Street Cat on Friday admitted to allegations of sexual misconduct that were levelled against him earlier in the...

Treasury announces British economy based on booze and barbeques

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The Government has announced that the UK's economy is now based solely on beer and barbeques. In a statement the Treasury said, "The sunny...
Birmingham Park in Snow

‘No Bad News Day’ in West Midlands after all morons are snowed-in

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The West Midlands is experiencing record low levels of bad news and buffoonery as the majority of the population took advantage of a plausible...

Emergency services respond to man with spade in head

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Ambulance crews were called to an address in Wigan this morning after a local man suffered head injuries. The man's wife called 999 after her...

Minister of Health and Social care to Employ Doctors From University of Life

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Health Minster Stephen Barclay has told of his bold plan to plug the shortfall of doctors within the NHS by employing geniuses from the...

May criticised for scheduling Queen’s speech on Day of Rage

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After weeks of uncertainty tinged with tragedy, the hard right fanatical Tories have been hammering out a deal with the DUP, which will finally...
Confused Child

Child confused as to why he can’t just accept his school mates for who...

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In a candid interview for the Rochdale Herald, an unnamed child of parents who sincerely believe that their child can somehow be damaged by...

Southerner changes view of North after paying less than £7 for a pint

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A pig headed Southern man has reduced his negative opinion of the north by 0.00000001% after spending a delightful weekend in Heckmondwicke. Southerner Paul Thatcher-Wright,...

Fears 40% of millenials may never have tedious home improvement conversations

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There are fears that up to 40% of millennials may never be able to have tedious home improvement conversations. Fewer and fewer people are able...
Pigs

Stop calling florid cheeked alcoholic racists gammon, it’s racist, say pigs

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Pig's have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist. Pig, Stan Still said, "It's racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of...
Hideous Bathroom Suite

Sheffield City Council declares state of emergency after residents are forced to have a...

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Sheffield City Council have declared a state of emergency after some residents reported taking a bath. Brightside resident Stand Still told us, "It's been 12...

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