Last week’s news roundup
Head of Britain First, Paul Golding, was arrested and sentenced to prison for obsessively visiting places he supposedly hates. He reportedly hates prison too...
Tim Farron’s Andrew Neil interview cancelled for Bake off
Tim Farron has been left looking sheepish in his chair after Andrew Neil cancelled the Liberal Democrat leader's interview just moments into the opening statement.
Neil interrupted...
Leave Means Leave to broaden appeal by offering Saga vouchers to young members
Leave Means Leave, the new campaign group for bringing destitution and poverty onto the general UK populace have announced radical new plans to entice...
Interest Rates Dropped From Naff All to Sweet FA
Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime.
Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things...
Britain First strangely quiet over Jo Cox murder
This week saw the conviction and sentencing of Thomas Mair in the case of the tragic murder of MP Jo Cox.
During the murder, the...
Three year old child sits still and shuts up for five minutes
Unconfirmed reports are coming in from Rochdale that a three year old child sat still in contemplative silence for five whole minutes last Tuesday...
People who tell it like it is always bloody cretins, reveal experts
Ground-breaking cooperative research between experts in Linguistics, Social Sciences, and Psychology sheds light on evidence that those who "tell it like it is" are...
Rochdale assassination attempt foiled by rail replacement bus service
A Russian assassination team who were tasked with assassinating an ex-spy In Rochdale were foiled by a rail replacement bus service and a strike...
First M25 user leaves Thatcher’s Hell road after 30 years
Albert J Bilsborough, 63, has finally left the M25 after 30 years, after also being amongst the first motorists to enter the hell road.
The...
Local journalist creates entire article from on line forum comments.
A journalist at a Sheffield local newspaper has admitted that an entire article published in Friday's edition of the Sheffield Councilpleaser was constructed entirely...
Stephen Fry forced to deny writing tomorrow’s Queen Speech
Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street...
Modern slavery greatest evil, says woman who supports unemployed working for free
Theresa May has announced that the worst thing in the world, after Trump's hair and Boris Johnson's gob, is modern slavery. Millions will...
Conspiracy theorists disappointed to learn nobody is in charge
Two Rochdale conspiracy theorists have been telling the Herald that they've come to the conclusion that nobody is in charge.
The pair, known only as...
The woman who managed to get thirty hours free childcare from HMRC to enter...
The woman who managed to get thirty hours free childcare using the HMRC has been thrown out of MENSA for being “too clever” and...
Great weather for ducks, confirm ducks
Ducks around the UK have confirmed that they are having a really lovely day and are enjoying the weather.
Speaking from the middle of a...
Rochdale IT Worker Deletes Human Rights Act
Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act.
The tech boffin was asked...
