Boris promises £350M per week to recovery of British Virgin Island tax havens
Boris Johnson, United Kingdom Foreign Secretary and all round honest broker, took the airwaves via the Today programme this morning to promise the UK...
Forecasters predict Christmas will be a fraught and expensive ordeal
Economic experts are forecasting that Christmas 2017 will see a double digit percentage increase in cost to the average family, based on a basket...
Queen shows solidarity with NHS workers by only accepting 1% pay rise
Her Maj Queen Elizabeth II today graciously accepted a £6m pay increase in order to show solidarity with nurses and teachers.
"I heard that public...
Super hunter chilli Yorkie ice cream man-bar ultra plus released for aggressive thrusting straight...
In a bid to expand on the non-gay male ice cream market, a new extreme sports cryogenic experience for man men is being launched.
It...
Man’s life improves after running out of fucks to give
The life of a Rochdale man has improved immeasurably after he finally ran out of fucks to give.
Office manager James Harding, 38, ran...
Sound of Jeremy Hunt flushing money down forty grand toilet replaces Big Ben chimes...
NHS workers and the general public were reassured this morning to learn Jeremy Hunt flushing money down his new toilet will replace the sound...
Middle aged men in state of heightened excitement after reported sightings of first B...
After spending the long winter months in a hibernatory slumber, the nation's middle-aged men are getting all silly over news that the first hardware...
Husband remembers to do thing
There were ecstatic scenes in Rochdale this afternoon after a Middleton resident remembered to do the thing he'd been asked to do earlier in...
Nuttall Lost Close Personal Friends When They Discovered He Was An Arsehole
UKIP leader Paul Nuttall lost 'close personal friends' when they discovered he was a bigoted, racist arsehole.
“People started to shun me and sometimes even...
It’s a Christmas Miracle says Rochdale Man who needed nineteen pairs of new socks
A Rochdale Man who was running dangerously low on half price Pringle socks from TK Maxx has praised friends and relatives for stepping in and buying him almost two dozen pairs for Christmas.
Prince William fingers Kate in back of hatchback in Rochdale
A sticker showing Prince William and The Duchess of Cambridge along with a depiction of two fingers raised in a V sign has caused...
Last week’s news roundup
Head of Britain First, Paul Golding, was arrested and sentenced to prison for obsessively visiting places he supposedly hates. He reportedly hates prison too...
Someone on Instagram has poached an egg
According to widespread reports somebody on Instagram has only gone and poached an egg.
Rumours are spreading that the egg poacher may have in fact...
KFC announce they’ve run out of ice
First they ran out of chicken; Then it was gravy. Now KFC have run out of ice cubes.
Ruth Sanders of Rochdale KFC said, "We've...
Trust me to deliver Brexit, says woman you wouldn’t trust to deliver a pizza
"I'll deliver Brexit just like I deliver pizza." That's what Theresa May said and people have been queuing up to say that that's Brexit...
March Against Hate Wins World Irony Cup
The World Irony Championship has been cancelled for 2017 after anti-Muslims calling themselves UK Against Hate held a march against extremism.
“We normally wait until...
