Prince Philip to reprise role in new Star Wars film
His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga.
Warning: contains spoilers
Shooting began today for the latest...
Modern slavery greatest evil, says woman who supports unemployed working for free
Theresa May has announced that the worst thing in the world, after Trump's hair and Boris Johnson's gob, is modern slavery. Millions will...
Conspiracy theorists disappointed to learn nobody is in charge
Two Rochdale conspiracy theorists have been telling the Herald that they've come to the conclusion that nobody is in charge.
The pair, known only as...
Wheelie Bin Cat purr-sues new career as guard dog trainer
Lola the ninja feline, from Coventry, was once again discovered in a rather strange location. This time it was in a Romford working men’s...
Self-aggrandising, egotistical liar meets Donald Trump
Donald Trump was interviewed by self-aggrandising egotist Piers Morgan over the weekend.
Morgan, who likes to pretend to stand for traditional British values such as...
Treasury announces British economy based on booze and barbeques
The Government has announced that the UK's economy is now based solely on beer and barbeques.
In a statement the Treasury said, "The sunny...
Brexit Secretary resignation is ‘ferry nuff’ and we’ll get ‘Dover’ it, says PM
Brexit secretary Dominic Raab, who had one job, to achieve an appropriate agreement to leave the EU, has resigned from the government
Announcing his departure...
Prince Andrew says, I was at Pizza Express checking out Beatrice’s fit friend
Prince Andrew has today sought to clarify comments he made about attending Pizza Express in Woking 19 years ago.
A spokesman for Prince Andrew said,...
Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test
Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually...
New phrase ‘Wankers Dozen’ defined as ‘Britain First meeting’
The Rochdale to English Dictionary today confirmed it would be adding the colloquial phrase 'wankers dozen' to their 2019 edition. The R.E.D.'s official definition...
Labour Party member forced to deny he’s joined a cult
A Labour Party member who has attended their conference has been forced to deny he has joined a cult.
Bill Board has spent the last...
Dead whale found in Thames was Russian spy
The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy.
The whale was found beside...
Scientists confirm that builder’s tea is just tea
A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea.
Clarence Tetley,...
Tower Bridge To House Migrants
London readers will notice scaffolding appearing on the iconic Tower Bridge today (Saturday) as the bridge is now closed until December in order to...
Theresa May Reads A Christmas Carol Backwards To Give It A Happy Ending
It's one of the most famous stories, if not the most famous, in the English language. It's been made into countless films, plays and...
Get behind my nutters version of Brexit says Jacob Rees-Mogg
Jacob Rees-Mogg has attempted to counter accusations that he has no Brexit plan by unveiling one so fancifully insane a Texan jury wouldn't recommend...
