A teenager has told us how he believes he’s bought his girlfriend the perfect Christmas gift.
16 year old Nathan Brindley has been seeing Emma Featherstone since April this year. He told us, “I read a book that told me that women will drop subtle hints around Christmas time as to what they want. When we were at Burger King the other week Emma said she loves them long and fat. Then the other day she asked if i wanted to squirt mayonaise over her melons.
“I have to say I’m not sure about her flavour combinations but that’s when I realised what I should get her for christmas.”
Nathan’s mother, Kylie, said “I was a bit surprised when Nathan told me he wanted to come food shopping. Nobody normally wants to do that.
When we got to the shop Nathan disappeared and came back carrying a large cucumber. I asked him what it was for and he said it was Emma’s Christmas present.
“I tried to talk him out of it and even offered to pay for something from Elizabeth Duke. He was adamant that Emma wants a cucumber because she keeps going on about salad. I’m guessing he’ll be single by boxing day. It’s a pity because we really liked Emma.”
The present has been wrapped up and is currently residing underneath the Brindley Christmas tree.
Kylie said, “It’s sat there like some sort of phallic fertility symbol we’re offering to the pine tree God. We had to cover it up when Casualty was on. The dog kept barking and howling at it.”
Nathan said he plans to give Emma her gift tomorrow night. He’s going with Emma’s family to watch the new Star Wars film. He told us, “It’s the last chance I’ll get to see her. She’s going with her family to France for Christmas the day after. I can’t wait to see their faces light up when I casually give Emma her present.”
Neither can we Nathan although we’re not entirely sure you’ve grasped what she’s getting at.
