Social Media punishing the pound in Postal workers pockets

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With the rise and rise of Facebook, E-Cards and Internet banking the way we celebrate important events with family and friends is fast changing.  Nowadays...
Kirkcaldy

Scotsman wakes to sobering horror that he lives in Kirkcaldy

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A Scotsman has been telling people of the dawning horror that he still lives in Kirkcaldy. A reporter for The Rochdale Herald Scotland edition said,...
Snow on trees

Britain urged to get used to winter

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With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get...
Gritter

Morons wondering why blizzard wasn’t averted by thin layer of salt

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Millions of morons across the UK were left perplexed when a thin layer of salt didn't prevent their cars getting stuck in 3 feet...
fire safety experts

Fire safety experts admit fire escapes probably not best place for massive explosive gas...

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Camden fire chiefs are today red faced at having to admit to missing bleedin' obvious fire hazards in poor peoples' containment blocks on all...

Citizen’s arrest powers updated to include summary execution

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Put your hands on the car and get ready to die. Home Secretary Amber Rudd confirmed today that the Police and Criminal Evidence Act (PACE)...
Gym

Gyms too fucking busy, confirm everybody

Britain's gyms are in a state of absolute chaos as billions of people descended on them today.  It was standing room only in every single...

Labour Party pledge to make it cheaper for young people to get stabbed on...

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The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply. Labour spokesman, Stan...
Theresa May

Trust me to deliver Brexit, says woman you wouldn’t trust to deliver a pizza

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"I'll deliver Brexit just like I deliver pizza." That's what Theresa May said and people have been queuing up to say that that's Brexit...
Terrier

RSPCA requests help in tackling dangerous domestic terriers

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“No, I don’t care. Show me pictures of abandoned dog toys, show me puppies floating in the water, play violins and show me skinny hounds looking sad. I still don’t care,” said Katie Hopkins.

Adorable baby will grow up to be massive bellend

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The parents of an adorable baby in the borough of Rochdale were dismayed to learn today that statistically it is very likely that he...

Tears of remainers used to put out Saddleworth Moor fire

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Lancashire Fire Brigade have announced they're considering using the tears of remainers to put out the flames on the top of Saddleworth Moor. Fire Officer...
Donald Trump

Only Democrats were killed by Hurricane Florence, claims Trump

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Donald Trump has claimed all 12 people currently known to have died in the Carolinas as a result of Storm Florence were Democrats. "Proof that...

Scientists reveal 2016 to be a fake year

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It has been established by scientists at Rochdale Community University that 2016 was the result of an illegal artificial intelligence experiment.  Herr Dr Professor Doktor...

Local journalist creates entire article from on line forum comments.

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A journalist at a Sheffield local newspaper has admitted that an entire article published in Friday's edition of the Sheffield Councilpleaser was constructed entirely...
Kicked in the balls

London pints to come with free kick in knackers from 2019

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Consumers concerned with the rising price of alcohol in the UK received a welcome boost today, as it was confirmed all boozers in the...

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