Christmas Presents

Now for something different, our Big Fat Secret Santa

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Along with the very fine and folk at NewsThump and The Southend News Network we have put together what we think could be one...

UKIP launch investigation into how 3 of its members managed to read a map

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UKIP have launched an immediate inquiry into how 3 of its members managed to read a map and several signs to find a book...
Roger Moore

Pope to make Roger Moore a saint…

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In a surprise move, the Pope has announced plans to beatify Roger Moore, the popular actor who has very sadly passed away today. The Pope was...
Music Fesitval

This week already pissed off with itself and planning a holiday

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Millions of Microsoft outlook users are about to receive an unexpected update in their calendars. The Rochdale Herald has just received an email from an...
Game of Thrones

Tolkein With Tits set to dominate office conversations as Game of Thrones returns

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As the umpteenth series of the godawful fantasy franchise "Game of Thrones" is due to air on Murdoch-vision this week, those with more refined...
Big Ben Fireworks

Recently renamed London landmark Massive Mohammed to ring out for Diwali despite repairs

There will be fewer quiet nights during October after the authorities in charge of the House of Commons agreed to give the recently renamed...

Man who forgot to take smartphone to loo with him makes full recovery

A bloke who forgot to take his iPhone to the toilet with him this morning has made a “complete” recovery following “breakthrough” treatment with...

Ruins of sunken city in South Yorkshire ‘just Sheffield’, archeologists told

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Archeologists have been left disappointed today after being told that the ruins of an ancient sunken city was actually just Sheffield. Archeologist Bill Board told...
Car Crash

Uber to consult UK Government for advice on dealing with driverless car crashes

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Following the tragic death of a pedestrian knocked down by a driverless Uber vehicle, the taxi giant confirmed it would be consulting UK Government...

Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK

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A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit. Speaking from beside his swimming pool at...

Killer Ian Brady’s ashes shot into space, by most expensive means possible and paid...

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Reports have been across all of the mainstream press today regarding the Moors murderer, Ian Brady’s remains being buried at sea. A shock report...
Tony the Tiger

Tony the Tiger loses paw to Type 2 diabetes

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Tony the Tiger, the face of the Frosties breakfast cereal brand since 1952, has according to sources, lost a paw to Type 2 diabetes. Mr...

Office tea expert ‘just sad’ reveals study

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  It was confirmed today that people who make a song and dance about brewing and drinking tea are among the saddest characters in any...
UKIP

UKIP suspends member for reading a book

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A member of UKIP was today suspended when found reading a book that does not appear on UKIP's 'approved' list. The list, which includes...
Sunshine

Panic on the streets of Rochdale as glowing hot yellow thing appears in the...

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Panic has hit the streets of Rochdale today as a unidentified glowing hot yellow glowing orb has appeared in the sky. Terrified Rochdale residents yesterday...
Queen and Philip

Queen to redo speech after forgetting to say ‘strong and stable’

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In an unprecedented move Theresa May is to inform Queen Elizabeth that she will need to redo today's Queen's Speech in Parliament because she...

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