Dinner Party

Cryptocurrencies overtake buy to let portfolios as reason not to have “that twat” over...

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Our survey of Rochdale couples reveals cryptocurrencies are now the top reason for removal from dinner party guest lists. In our extensive survey, which we...

People with no connection to the USA celebrate Independence Day

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People with absolutely no connection to the United States of America have been inexplicably celebrating US Independence Day today. Cliff Edge told us, "I got...

Life is meaningless and everything dies, concludes child on ‘day out’ to historic town

A child from Rochdale has concluded that life is meaningless and that everything dies during a visit to York with his parents during the...
US Military

Trump mobilizes Military to defend against Hurricane Irma with ‘fire and fury’

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As hurricane Irma makes it's way west towards the coast of Florida, president Donald Trump has issued a declaration of war on the weather...

Royal baby to be named Prince Kevin. Probably.

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Following the news that Duchess of Cambridge has given birth to a bouncing baby boy, speculation is rife regarding the name the House of...

New BananaPhone for men undersized, unreliable, and turns itself off when you want to...

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The new BananaPhone has been launched exclusively at the male market. It has a retractable cover which simply pulls down for ease of use,...

Local hero returns from stay in hotel with both his iPhone charger and toothbrush

A local man is being hailed as some sort of hero after managing to return home from a stay in a hotel with both...

Fathers happy to ditch Father’s Day if it means Mother’s Day is canned too

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The Rochdale Institute of Advanced Fathering has issued a statement today offering to do away with Father's Day on the condition Mother's Day goes...

Sturgeon gives birth to kittens as court rules Scottish Parliament won’t be consulted on...

Nicola Sturgeon is recovering after unexpectedly going into labour and giving birth to a litter of kittens at Holyrood this afternoon.

Convertible car owner not as smug after leaving the top down last night

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Sandra Numpton of Heywood has spent the last few days driving around in her convertible Mini Cooper, sun glasses on, hair in the wind,...

Winter 2016 enters third consecutive year

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Meteorologists have confirmed that winter 2016 has entered its third consecutive year. With more bloody miserable weather forecast officials at the Met Office have concluded...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson makes full recovery from racism after being diagnosed with Luton intolerance

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Many people are unaware that their bodies won't tolerate Luton. But being Luton sensitive shouldn't stop you from living a healthy, happy life. Whilst...
Corbyn

Corbyn announces Semitic Security Divisions to combat antisemitism

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Jeremy Corbyn has found himself in a new antisemitism row. The row started following Mr Corbyn's announcement of the formation of Labour Party SS...

Man celebrates birthday with five back to back parties for friends of his kid

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Littleborough man Andrew Bowers certainly knows how to live a little, cramming in a whopping FIVE birthday parties into his 41st birthday party weekend. They...
Children Christmas Presents

Thank you for supporting Satire Aid – 26,000 presents worth £175,000

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The numbers are now in for Satire Aid's Big Fat Secret Santa appeal. Together the readers of The Rochdale Herald, NewsThump, Angry People in...

That’ll Show Them…

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Racists reacted with predictable denial today when faced with the reality that the punishments they frequently recommend for those seeking asylum, immigrants and generally...

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