Man who forgot to take smartphone to loo with him makes full recovery
A bloke who forgot to take his iPhone to the toilet with him this morning has made a “complete” recovery following “breakthrough” treatment with...
‘Shit dont stick to this, fam’ says Boris Johnson
Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.
The company is believed to have lined up an...
Racist black cop shoots mentally unstable white veteran, says Fox News
Fox News has accused the LA Police Department of institutional racism after a black cop shot a mentally unstable white veteran on the steps...
Man spotted not wearing his ‘Big Coat’ in Rochdale, in June
In scenes that shocked many shoppers in Rochdale town centre today, two men who were visiting from far away Bolton, were seen walking through...
Arseholes planning to ruin Christmas by not letting go of 2016 political bollocks
Unfortunately an opportunity to have that shit in your family who disagrees with you captive for a few hours is too much for some
Teenager buys girlfriend a cucumber for Christmas
A teenager has told us how he believes he's bought his girlfriend the perfect Christmas gift.
16 year old Nathan Brindley has been seeing Emma...
Royals exempted from law criminalising wearing of faked military award medals
Today sees the probable introduction of the new “Walter Mitty” law, which will make it a criminal offence for any individual to pretend to...
Killer Ian Brady’s ashes shot into space, by most expensive means possible and paid...
Reports have been across all of the mainstream press today regarding the Moors murderer, Ian Brady’s remains being buried at sea.
A shock report...
Children of hippy parents gear up for annual disappointment of ethical advent calendars
The children of hippies have been telling the Herald about how they've been preparing for receiving disappointing advent calendars.
8 year old Freedom Snowphish said,...
Queen to redo speech after forgetting to say ‘strong and stable’
In an unprecedented move Theresa May is to inform Queen Elizabeth that she will need to redo today's Queen's Speech in Parliament because she...
Tories announce mass culling of Wombles
Animal rights protesters were today up in arms after the news that the culling of Wombles is to go ahead as recent indications suggest...
Office tea expert ‘just sad’ reveals study
It was confirmed today that people who make a song and dance about brewing and drinking tea are among the saddest characters in any...
Labour lose 30 seats in boundary adjustment, laugh Tories
The Conservative Party and the conservative government have denied that the electoral boundary change proposals are an attempt to ensure a Conservative advantage.
"It's just...
Autumn 2022 “common sense date for IndyRef 4” says Sturgeon
Scotland's first minister has said autumn 2018 would be a "common sense" date for a 4th independence referendum.
Nicola Sturgeon continued to insist, however, that...
McDonald’s launches monster fatburger
Lard-loving fast food fanatics McDonald's made the announcement immediately following the news that London's sewers have been blocked by vast deposits of insoluble grease.
The...
Arsehole doesn’t know he’s an arsehole
An absolute arsehole is blissfully unaware that everybody thinks he's an arsehole.
Dave Bloke, 42 and a bit from Rochdale, somehow still thinks people like...
