Bra fitters feel a right pair of tits after revealing the size of the...

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Bra fitters Rigby & Peller have lost their Royal warrant after Buckingham Palace cancelled its contract with the company after they revealed intimate details...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson distances himself from the Labour Party

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Right wing folk hero Tommy Robinson has issued a statement distancing himself for The Labour Party. The statement was issued in response to speculation that...
Denis Skinner

Labour Conference to go ahead as Dennis Skinner with baseball bat confirmed as security

The Labour Party have announced that their conference will go ahead despite G4S laughing in their faces when begged to supply security. "We are sorry...

Rochdale Herald Reporter groomed in ‘Muslim No-Go Area’.

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Our South Yorkshire correspondent Sebastian Wiesel recounts his experience of yesterday morning. "I was walking round Sheffield antiques quarter this morning, looking for a place...
Corbyn

Revealed: your top 5 favourite ways to explain Corbyn losing a general election to...

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Jeremy Corbyn is the people's champion and the most popular politician in England, so, just how do the people of Rochdale think he lost...
Birmingham Park in Snow

‘No Bad News Day’ in West Midlands after all morons are snowed-in

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The West Midlands is experiencing record low levels of bad news and buffoonery as the majority of the population took advantage of a plausible...
NewsThump

Rochdale IT Worker Deletes Human Rights Act

Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked...

Suicide prevented with picture of ‘Inspirational Quote’

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Clinically depressed Phil Jones, 38, was found standing on the edge of Clifton Suspension Bridge after his wife had left him last Tuesday. Mr. Jones...
Arguing Old Women

Scone versus scone pronunciation debate hits 14th consecutive hour

38
It's National Cream Tea Day, which means across the nation the fine china is taken off the Welsh dresser and selections of finger sandwiches...
Fireworks

Arseholes unaware it’s not the Fifth of November

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Arseholes up and down the country are unaware that it is not the fifth of November, it has been confirmed. From London to Liverpool, the...
Prince Philip

Prince Philip denies sending Harry and Megan packet of mystery white powder

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The Duke of Edinburgh has strenuously denied sending Prince Harry and Megan Marckle a toxic package. The parcel was left on Harry and Megan's doorstep...
Happy Children

Parents of school age children feeling no sympathy for teachers as holidays end

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Scientists have confirmed that parents of school age children across the United Kingdom feel zero sympathy for teachers as summer holidays crash to an...

Emergency services respond to man with spade in head

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Ambulance crews were called to an address in Wigan this morning after a local man suffered head injuries. The man's wife called 999 after her...

Minister of Health and Social care to Employ Doctors From University of Life

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Health Minster Stephen Barclay has told of his bold plan to plug the shortfall of doctors within the NHS by employing geniuses from the...

Labour Party member forced to deny he’s joined a cult

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A Labour Party member who has attended their conference has been forced to deny he has joined a cult. Bill Board has spent the last...
Hideous Bathroom Suite

Sheffield City Council declares state of emergency after residents are forced to have a...

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Sheffield City Council have declared a state of emergency after some residents reported taking a bath. Brightside resident Stand Still told us, "It's been 12...

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