M25

First M25 user leaves Thatcher’s Hell road after 30 years

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Albert J Bilsborough, 63, has finally left the M25 after 30 years, after also being amongst the first motorists to enter the hell road. The...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson distances himself from the Labour Party

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Right wing folk hero Tommy Robinson has issued a statement distancing himself for The Labour Party. The statement was issued in response to speculation that...

Nigel Farage reveals he was thrown out of the SAS for being too good

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Nigel Farage MP (just kidding) has revealed that he was thrown out of the SAS for being too good. Mr Farage MP (just kidding) was...
Glass of orange juice

The man from Del Monte in critical condition with scurvy

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80's TV ad star and renowned juice producer, Derek Monte, was rushed to hospital yesterday and  immediately diagnosed with scurvy, a debilitating illness caused...

Tories secure parent vote after abolishing school holidays, weekends and Christmas

Parents up and down the country have thrown their support behind the Conservatives today after details emerged of a radical new plan to abolish school holidays and send children to school for 12 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year.
Ryanair

Calling people a Black Bastard is a term of endearment, says Ryanair racist

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A man who was filmed saying racist things to a black grandma on a Ryanair flight this week has said that calling her a...

Christmas ruined as Santa fails CRB check

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Christmas may be cancelled as Santa has failed to get his CRB check renewed. The revelation came last night when a Government Spokesperson said, "Santa...

Arms manufacturers to commemorate the fallen dead

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Since 1919, on the second Sunday of November, otherwise known as Remembrance Sunday, a two minute silence has been observed at 11am at war...

Labour Party member forced to deny he’s joined a cult

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A Labour Party member who has attended their conference has been forced to deny he has joined a cult. Bill Board has spent the last...

Tower Bridge To House Migrants 

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London readers will notice scaffolding appearing on the iconic Tower Bridge today (Saturday) as the bridge is now closed until December in order to...

Returning jihadis to be given free roast dinner at BUCKINGHAM PALACE

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Britons who travelled to Syria to fight for the so-called Islamic State will be welcomed back into the country with a FREE roast dinner...
Pigs

Stop calling florid cheeked alcoholic racists gammon, it’s racist, say pigs

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Pig's have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist. Pig, Stan Still said, "It's racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of...

Government should save people’s shop John Lewis says man who hasn’t been in since...

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A Rochdale man has demanded that the Government step in if the retailer John Lewis goes bust. There are fears that the retailer may...
Hideous Bathroom Suite

Sheffield City Council declares state of emergency after residents are forced to have a...

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Sheffield City Council have declared a state of emergency after some residents reported taking a bath. Brightside resident Stand Still told us, "It's been 12...
Bleeding figure of Christ

PC BBC bans ‘graphically violent’ crucifixion depictions for Easter

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In a controversial move, the BBC has announced it will be 'normalising' it's guidelines for showing scenes of violence, by banning all images of...

Babies born in Britain today to hear about home ownership via myths and legends

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Researchers from the Rochdale Institute for Social Morphology released today the results of their latest study into the changing oral traditions of the British...

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