National News

The West Midlands is experiencing record low levels of bad news and buffoonery as the majority of the population took advantage of a plausible day off work. As regular viewers of the Express & Star...

Buckingham Palace sources have reported that the Queen is currently trying to decide which of her Corgis to shoot first should Jeremy Corbyn be elected Prime Minister. One of our sources, speaking on condition of...

Yesterday, a Microsoft employee allegedly got a dressing down from High Court judge, the Right Honorable Justice Antony Smyth-Tomkinson. The employee who we cannot name for legal reasons was serving on the jury in...

As the umpteenth series of the godawful fantasy franchise "Game of Thrones" is due to air on Murdoch-vision this week, those with more refined taste are bracing themselves for months of impenetrable chatter. "What did...

Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson. The company is believed to have lined up an Ad campaign featuring the befuddled minister throwing buckets of shite...

Muppets across Britain are furious today after learning that the name of their species was used as a slur to describe vandals by an announcer on a South West train. The furry creatures (proper name...

 Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of Dame Lowell Goddard, who didn't have the balls to turn...

Brock Hampstead, a male badger from the New Forest, has started a campaign targeting what he claims is speciesist profiling by advertisers. "I know that advertising works to strict algorithms, I'm not an idiot, but...

Following the tragic death of a pedestrian knocked down by a driverless Uber vehicle, the taxi giant confirmed it would be consulting UK Government leaders on how to best deal with a completely driverless...

Professional sexist and political hot potato Andrea Leadsom was under fire yesterday following revelations that her comments about motherhood in The Times during her leadership campaign were actually the nicest things she said to...

BBC Breakfast has apologised after images of the gorilla Kumbuka, whose recent non-escape filled a slow news day, were shown on screen instead of Scottish number one, Nicola Sturgeon. Presenter Naga Munchetty was discussing what...

In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already visited. On Tuesday night, the Foreign Office issued a worldwide travel...

A member of UKIP was today suspended when found reading a book that does not appear on UKIP's 'approved' list. The list, which includes Tommy Robinson's Mohammed's Koran, Mein Kampf, Nietzsche. Heidegger and rather...

Her Majesty the Queen has today told the government "Let's get this over with. I've got a horse in the 3pm at Ascot". Her worshipfulness is reported to be annoyed for several reasons about todays...

Tony Blair has already earned more than you will this year and it's only January. For those unfamiliar, Mr Blair is the most successful leader the Labour Party has ever had. He won one of...