Emergency services respond to man with spade in head
Ambulance crews were called to an address in Wigan this morning after a local man suffered head injuries.
The man's wife called 999 after her...
Labour Party member forced to deny he’s joined a cult
A Labour Party member who has attended their conference has been forced to deny he has joined a cult.
Bill Board has spent the last...
Captain Tom finally able to pay Wonga loan off
Captain Tom Moore is reportedly thrilled that his fundraising has been so successful that he's finally able to pay off a loan he took...
Sweaty riot erupts in Leeds after Argos runs out of pedestal fans
As the temperature hits 25C in Leeds sweaty rioters armed with Soleros and Lyon's Maid Choc Ices are rioting in Leeds Centre and are...
Southerner changes view of North after paying less than £7 for a pint
A pig headed Southern man has reduced his negative opinion of the north by 0.00000001% after spending a delightful weekend in Heckmondwicke.
Southerner Paul Thatcher-Wright,...
Nation tries to remember why it told kids to knock on strangers’ doors for...
Did we just adjust the clocks so that it is dark by the time kids come home from school, and then teach them to...
Rochdale man abandons Marxism after winning £10 on lottery
A Rochdale resident has been explaining how winning £10 on the lottery has made him re-evaluate his position on Marxism.
Shea Bukharin told the Herald,...
British public says Nigel Farage can have peerage now so long as we don’t...
“It’s like Frankenstein’s monster. You create this and release it there is no telling what harm it will do once it realises it has thumbs. Better instead to give the chancer a Lordship and let him never turn up to the House of Lords. It will be exactly the same as his ‘work’ as an MEP. Put him on a few committees and you’ll never see him again.”
Dog looking forward to “cower under the toilet night” this weekend
A dog has told of his love of the 5th of November festivities, or "cower under the toilet night" as it's known in the...
Theresa May: Donald Trump told me to grab EU by the pussy
Donald Trump told Theresa May that she should "grab the EU by the pussy" rather than ask for its consent, according to an interview...
Esther McVey resigns to spend more time with other people’s families
Esther McVey, a former television presenter and now a falling star in Westminster, relishes her career - but admits to no regrets in her...
Anaconda, Bresciola and Carpet Top 3 Girls’ Names for 2016
The computer that produces the list of the most popular names given to babies each year has thrown up a remarkable result in its...
Mr Tumble denounces Theresa May and says not in our name.
Leading clowns have issued a joint statement confirming that Theresa May's latest attacks on migrants and the NHS are not part of traditional clown...
Confused Alt-Right activists boycott PC World
Several branches of the computer retailer PC World have reported a spike in confused right-wing "activists" gathering outside their premises in protest.
The cause of...
Recently renamed London landmark Massive Mohammed to ring out for Diwali despite repairs
There will be fewer quiet nights during October after the authorities in charge of the House of Commons agreed to give the recently renamed...
Fears sugar tax could mean bottom falls out of mobility scooter market
The British mobility scooter industry has warned that it could see a huge drop in production of mobility scooters following the introduction of the...
