Man who forgot to take smartphone to loo with him makes full recovery
A bloke who forgot to take his iPhone to the toilet with him this morning has made a “complete” recovery following “breakthrough” treatment with...
CRISIS as supermarkets RUN OUT of fancy tonic forcing MIDDLE CLASS to drink OWN...
The sunny weather forecast for the bank holiday weekend has led to panic buying of certain summer essentials. There have been reports of chronic...
Fears Thames Beluga whale is a Russian spy
There are fears a Beluga Whale spotted swimming in the River Thames may be a Russian spy. The whale was spotted earlier this week...
Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame
Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of...
GCHQ Samsung smart TV hack reveals threat to UK
WikiLeaks revelations that GCHQ has hacked into Samsung smart TV sets to turn them into listening devices has revealed some fascinating facts impacting on...
Prince Harry arrested in Windsor for aggressive begging to pay for wedding
Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police...
Royals exempted from law criminalising wearing of faked military award medals
Today sees the probable introduction of the new “Walter Mitty” law, which will make it a criminal offence for any individual to pretend to...
Man singing “Free Tommy Robinson” thought he was entering competition to meet him
A man who spent yesterday in London singing "Free Tommy Robinson" has said he thought he was entering a competition to meet him.
Dave Wild...
Princess Diana’s ghost tells Express readers Brexit deal is a total car crash
Princess Diana's ghost has told Daily Express readers that Theresa May's Brexit deal is a complete car crash.
Speaking to the Express Diana's ghost said,...
Thomas the Trident Engine runaway incident: Fat controller was drunk
Rumours are circulating of a culture of abuse at the MOD, which spilled over in a final steaming argument between the fat controller and...
Foreign Office warns tourists not to travel to Iran while Boris is Foreign Secretary
In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already...
UKIP suspends member for reading a book
A member of UKIP was today suspended when found reading a book that does not appear on UKIP's 'approved' list.
The list, which includes...
Nicky Morgan claims ‘Titanic captain should not be judged by his worst mistakes’
Nicky Morgan yesterday made a conciliatory reference to fellow Tory leadership no-hoper Michael Gove's penchant for Charlie as a naive young 31 year old...
Trident Subs: Gotta catch ’em all
Speaking at the Nato summit in Warsaw this week, David Cameron has hinted that almost £16bn ear-marked for the renewal of the Trident nuclear...
Sports Direct working practices review.
In the face of a shareholder revolt, retail giant Sports Direct is to drag its working practices kicking and screaming into the 1920's.
Following a...
Irony strikes as Dogs Die In Hot Cars die in hot car
Tragedy has struck Burnley this afternoon after the Scottish band from St Andrew's accidentally locked in their tour Mondeo and died from heat exhaustion.
With...
