National News

The Tory Party is today celebrating getting its election campaign back on track after it managed to go a full half an hour without anyone resigning over rape or racism allegations. Spokesman Caligula Rees-Mogg told...

Looking outside this morning millions of British citizens were confronted by an unusually shade of overcast and the sun glowing a curious red. Researchers from the Met Office say the unique colour was likely caused...

A VHS video recorder that has been languishing in the loft of a house in Middleton briefly saw the light of day this afternoon. The once state of the art Sanyo integrated TV and VCR...

Following the announcement of the new term 'wankers dozen' defined as 'a Britain First meeting', the Rochdale Herald has been investigating the story behind the story. For our first investigation, we have engaged forensic accountant...

Yesterday's fire at the Burnley School for the Arts has caused £500 worth of damage. Early indications are that the bus stop is irreparably damaged. Burnley Art School was founded in 1968 as part of...

In an unprecedented move Theresa May is to inform Queen Elizabeth that she will need to redo today's Queen's Speech in Parliament because she forgot to say 'strong and stable'. The shock announcement from Downing...

Chocolate mega-conglomerate Mars have confirmed they are renaming 'Share' packs to more accurately reflect their customers' selfish, secretive consumption style. Advertising campaigns for the larger packs of chocolates such as M&Ms and Maltesers have tended...

In a much needed triumph for the under pressure Conservative party, its leadership of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea has received recognition for its role in the Grenfell Tower fire. "It's been a...

A Rochdale woman has been telling the Herald how she has had the same can opener for 51 years this year. Bernadette Gottelieb told us, "I bought it in 1967. I'd saved up 4000 green...

The imposition of sweeping timetable changes on Britain's railways for the first time in 17 years has been an unmitgated success, it has been confirmed. Speaking from his commuter-proof luxury concrete bunker by scrambler radio,...

A leaked copy of the Conservative Party's election manifesto has revealed plans to crackdown on 'luxury' items being handed out to those forced to attend at food banks. The policy is believed to have been...

Icon, n. A person or thing regarded as a representative symbol "'Back and Blue - Brits will get their iconic dark blue passports back after Brexit, ministers reveal today - in a stunning campaign victory...

The new Brexit Secretary, Jeremy Rees-Gove has told hard-line Brexiteers to downplay their expectations. "It's become clear that writing something on the side of a bus is no guarantee of achieving it, as we had...

Conspiracy theorists have reported feeling conflicted after scientists revealed that wearing a mask protects wearers from 5G. Lab Tech, Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, " Recent research suggests that people wearing masks don't...

Yesterday, far off of anyone's radar and while the teacup storm over Jeremy Corbyn's recent train journey reached stratospheric new heights, the UK government swiftly unveiled plans to begin construction work on Rockall to...

A council in the North of England is absolutely confident that this is the year that they have bought enough grit to salt the roads and keep the traffic moving over the weekend. "It's apparently...