Theresa May has celebrated her victory in the Tory Party’s got talent final by performing a podium dance in the front 10 Downing Street.
A journalist at the address told us, “I’ve reported on some screwed up stuff in my time and this takes the biscuit. She came out to the podium. We thought we were going to get a speech but no, she starts dancing. It was like going to Flares nightclub for Sandra’s 65th birthday party.”
Another witness said, “There’s some things you can’t unsee. Where did she get those ping pong balls from? This is probably going to require a lot of counselling.”
It’s alleged that Mrs May intends to get drunk tonight then tell Jacob Rees-Mogg to fuck off in person.