The next General Election leaders debate will feature a new format hosted by Jeremy Kyle. There will also be a paternity test at the end. Television producers are hoping that it will lead to an increase in viewers from the 2 people who manage to endure the entirety of last nights debate. 

One producer told us, “It’s a terrible product so we’ll need to do something with the format. By the end of last nights there were only 2 people watching and one of those was because the persons remote had fell down the back of the settee. They just say the same rubbish they’ve been saying the last 3 years. It’s the political debate equivalent of getting home on a Saturday and discovering UK Gold has an Only Fools And Horses marathon on. We need to freshen it up a bit.”

“We tried a sort of, ‘Would I lie to you’ format. The test didn’t go well though. 5 audience members died of old age in the time it took Jeremy Corbyn to decide if Boris was lying. I mean, it’s Boris Johnson so of course he’s lying you dim-witted old fool.”

“We considered getting the Liberal Democrats involved but we already have the Tories so having Jo Swinson on would probably only attract the sort of people who have been banned from phoning nPower because they keep asking the call centre operatives what they’re wearing.”

“So Jeremy Kyle it is. It’ll be a classic line up. Lie detector tests for the both of them. We’re expecting it’ll probably take Jeremy Corbyn until next year to answer the calibration questions. After that we’ll get some women and furniture in that Boris is currently conducting affairs with. Then we’ll do the paternity test with him and reveal the results.”

The Rochdale Herald would tell you when the next debate is but we have a fence to creosote that night.