The Rochdale Herald have signed goalkeeper Neville Southall from twitter for an undisclosed fee, that definitely didn’t involve skeletons.

The veteran ex-Everton goalie, who is still Wales’ most capped player, will join the Rochdale Herald writing staff later this month, and becomes Editor Quentin Fortesque’s twentieth signing of the month.

“Big Nev” will join up with his new team-mates in Rochdale, with the Herald currently taking part in The Baum’s Pie-eaters Trophy. Southall will also represent the North West region in the Kick The Tories Out Of Football Campaign.

“I’m very happy and excited that the deal is finally done. I’m excited to be part of something special here, and I can’t wait for the first article,” he told Everton TV. “There’s nothing I like better than getting stuck in, in front of some of the best fans, and readers, in the world.

“I’m going to fight and I’m here to push. Having more opportunities to drag Westminster skeletons out of the closet, whilst patiently learning more about how we could all live in a better, more inclusive society, well, who doesn’t want that. Apart from Tories.”
Competition to sign Southall had been quite intense. The Daily Mash’s big money offer to write observational comedy from a middle class point of view left Big Nev unmoved. Newsthump offered a chance of writing similar articles to the Herald, but the requirement to move down South was a sticking point. Southend News Network and the Waterford Whispers News faced similar barriers.

So ultimately, it’s thought that the opportunity to stay in the North West and occasionally take a short drive to Rochdale to highlight compulsive bullshit from the likes of Hunt and Gove was more up Big Nev’s street. Fortesque denied rumours that he had finally bagged the signing after arranging a troop of dancing skeletons to serenade Big Nev’s Halloween bash.

You can follow Big Nev on twitter @NevilleSouthall – he doesn’t really do Facebook, not enough skeletons.

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?