National News

Today Marine B was quietly reflecting on the time he shot a badly wounded prisoner of war in Helmand. No one else ever heard about it because he remembered not to fucking film it. It's not...

New EU rules are set to send shock waves through the football terraces of the UK. According to sources close to the FA, the European Parliament's Fair Trade Advocacy Office in conjunction with the...

From worthy issues such as International Women’s Day to cultural stereotypes like National Tea Day, it seems like every day is "something" Day. Just about anything you can imagine, there’s a day for it;...

The BBC and ITV are to defy Conservative Party wishes and air live debates between participating parties before the upcoming June election. An inside source at Downing Street has told the Herald, "Theresa has locked...

The first opinion poll conducted since Prime Minister Theresa May called a snap general election for June 8th has delivered a shock result. A staggering 56% of the 1,478 people polled by UK polling agency...

The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob Rees-Mogg said the following, "The country is over populated and the...

Downing Street announced today that all families in the U.K. which include one or more infants are to be issued with a special raffle ticket in the next week. The surprising decree has been issued...

A globally devastating nuclear war could prove to be a massive boost for post Brexit British industry, the UK's Secretary of State for International Trade, former Secretary of State for Defence, and enthusiastic poultry...

Diane Abbott was resurrected this afternoon to speak to a journalist of sorts, on the BBC. Ms Abbott used one of her last possible outings as a politician of um, importance, to offer the...

Theresa May, the unelected Prime Minister has called a snap election. "Many of the old racists are likely to die before my five years are up," a bloke we know is said to have overheard...

Manufacturers of gigantic cardboard rockets and inflatable tanks have reported record profits for April following Kim Jong Un's massive display of military force. "It's been an amazing quarter to be honest," Chinese factory owner Sum...

Shock today as Britain First leader Paul Golding announced he is to marry EDL chief, Ian Crossland. Although the pair often claim to support gay rights, particularly when opposed by perceived Muslim oppressors, it has...

Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy. The so-called magicians have publicly recorded many of their barbaric acts including brutally...

A Rochdale man has been kidnapped by US intelligence services and sent to Guantanamo Bay after he complained to his local Barclays Bank about high overdraft charges. Quentin D. Fortesqueue, editor of The Rochdale Herald,...

Scandal has hit the beleaguered former political party, the Labour Party, this morning after a kangaroo court voted to suspend the dead Rastafarian singer Bob Marley for anti-semitism. "You can't just go around throwing words...

The Kennel club released a statement this afternoon saying that people who don't own a dog but go for a daily walk are a bit weird, probably up to something and should be approached with caution.