Kaiser Chiefs hurriedly rerelease ‘I Predict a Riot’
As crowds of surprisingly calm protesters gather at Westminister to demand the resignation of the recently elected droid, Maybot 2.0, The Kaiser Chiefs are set to release their 2004 hit 'I Predict a Riot'.
The...
Man spotted not wearing his ‘Big Coat’ in Rochdale, in June
In scenes that shocked many shoppers in Rochdale town centre today, two men who were visiting from far away Bolton, were seen walking through the town wearing only a t-shirt, rather than a turtle...
Blair offers May role as Middle East Peace Envoy
Embattled Prime Minister Theresa May has been thrown an unexpected life line today. A surprise call from Tony Blair offering her the plum role of Middle East Peace Envoy.
Ms May is said to be...
Sun reporter accused of posing as human being to secure Grenfell Tower interview
A complaint is to be lodged after a Sun reporter allegedly attempted to secure an interview with a Grenfell Tower resident, by posing as a human being.
Kate Matthews, 23, intends to file a complaint...
Mail Online reassures readers faulty fridge wasn’t bought by a white person
The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell tower blaze.
The 'news source' which has access to files that...
People who speak in cliches to be removed from breeding population
Sociologists and linguists from Rochdale Community University have discovered that Kelvin Pastie, 31, an unemployed conspiracy theorist, speaks almost entirely in cliches.
"We first heard of him on a Twitter feed when he said, 'Corybin should...
Michael Gove is still a bellend, says Michael Gove’s mum
Christine Gove, adoptive mother of Michael Gove MP has come out saying "he is still a bit of a bellend."
It comes after the failed PM hopeful's shock return to the front bench. Gove, the...
We’re showing some restraint, how about the rest of you try it
Like most of the country, the Herald woke up this morning to the news of a catastrophic tower block fire in West London. This has been accompanied by multiple fatalities. It does not look...
Queen’s Speech delayed as Elizabeth II seeks treatment for stress related Tourette’s
Security has been increased at King Edward VII hospital, where it is believed her Majesty the Queen is currently undergoing treatment for an acute and sudden disorder.
A source from inside the hospital told us...
March Against Hate Wins World Irony Cup
The World Irony Championship has been cancelled for 2017 after anti-Muslims calling themselves UK Against Hate held a march against extremism.
“We normally wait until November but we'll be calling it early this time. There's...
Skeletor still ‘pretty buff’ for a skeleton
Men's Health Magazine today announced its annual Top Ten Fittest Male Celebs list with actor, recently elected DUP MP and self proclaimed evil overlord Skeletor peaking the chart in the coveted #1 position.
Bodybuilder Skeletor grew...
Paul Nuttall celebrates victory with speech outside 10 Downing Street
UKIP supremo Paul Nuttall was in jubilant mood this afternoon after seeing his party win the 2017 election with a landslide victory.
After visiting Her Majesty The Queen this morning, he enjoyed a lunch with...
The Queen asks Merkel to form a government
Her Majesty the Queen is expected to travel to Berlin later today to ask German Chancellor Angela Merkel to form a government for the United Kingdom.
This morning the royal spokesperson stated,
"With such a pathetic...
Theresa May to change name to Votey McVoteface to secure youth vote
Prime Minister Theresa May will change her name to Votey McVoteface ahead of this Thursday's general election.
With the election a matter of hours away and with Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party snapping at the Tories'...
Sick Home Sec sacked?
Home Sec Diane Abbott has been off sick since cancelling her appearance on Woman's Hour yesterday but has she been sacked?
Jeremy Corbyn was giving nothing away when he told BBC Breakfast that she had...
Rupert Murdoch still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister
With only two days of campaigning left before the general election, polling suggests that Rupert Murdoch is still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister.
Despite an upsurge in support for Labour over the...
