Go Ogle phone App comes with Upskirt as the newest must have photo mode

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The chaps at Go Ogle Apps were quick to capitalise on Parliament's decision not to outlaw taking an unwanted picture up a skirt. The, ironically...

Scotland’s oldest man dies aged 35

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Tributes have been paid to Gregor McGregor, Scotland's oldest man who died today aged 35.  An angry man with an impenetrable accent told us, "It's...

Middle aged man now communicating entirely by sighing

Authorities in Lancashire are trying to solve the riddle of a man in Rochdale who is now communicating with the outside world only by...

Campaign to crowdfund a copy of Bravo Two Zero and box of tissues for...

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A crowdfunding campaign set up to raise enough money for a copy of Bravo Two Zero and a man size box of tissues for...

Turkey escapes Christmas by identifying as a golden eagle.

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A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey. "Once I found a tin...
Teenage Pregnancy

Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19

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Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...
Wetherspoons

Brexit riots fail after Wetherspoons opens

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A threat to riot if Britain failed to leave the EU on 31st October has failed after branches of Wetherspoons opened as usual this...
Heating on

Northern Dad puts heating on

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Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains...
Bono

Several million Irish sign petition to tie Bono to a fecking kite

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The good people of the Emerald Isle know how to take advantage of this windy bollocks A petition to "tie Bono to a fecking kite"...

Daily Express readers warned to brace for worst winter in 5 billion years

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The Daily Express has reported that Britain is to experience the worst winter for the last 5bn years. John Muir, of Inexact weather forecasting said,...

White nationalists boycott Black Friday claiming all Fridays matter

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A number of white nationalist groups have joined together in a boycott against the post-Thanksgiving consumer event known as Black Friday. Black Friday has been...

Treasury seek OAP to sit in baked beans to fund Social Services

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In a surprise press release, the Treasury have today revealed a novel initiative to bolster funding for cash-starved Social Services. In the statement, Chancellor of...
Dominic Raab

Dominic Raab announces lucrative trade deal with Juice Plus+

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Dominic Raab has announced that he has completed a very lucrative trade deal with Juice Plus+. A spokesman for Mr Raaab told us, "At our...

Priti Patel congratulates Boris Johnson on arrival of 3001005789th baby boy

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Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and...

Fears 40% of millenials may never have tedious home improvement conversations

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There are fears that up to 40% of millennials may never be able to have tedious home improvement conversations. Fewer and fewer people are able...

One dead and two critical after fight over last packet of burger buns

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At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a...

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