Statue of Bristol slave trading Tory MP ‘tripped and fell’ insist police
In Bristol, England, police attended a protest against police brutality, during which a more than 100 year old man who posed no threat to...
Druids “fecking knackered” after moving Stonehenge an hour forward
With the season now officially spring, clocks up and down the nations have been moved forward one hour to adjust to British Summer Time;...
It’s the will of the people – Jaguar Land Rover tells redundant employees
Jaguar Land Rover has told employees that by making them redundant they are carrying out the will of the British people.
Employee Bill Board told...
Amber Weather Warning follow reports Northerner is thinking about getting big coat out of...
The Met Office has issued an amber warning for apocalyptic snow and ice overnight after a Northerner was overheard speculating that it might be...
Daily Express readers to mark start of Poppygeddon with mass execution of celebrities not...
6 lucky Daily Express readers will mark the launch of the Royal British Legions poppy appeal by machine gunning celebrities caught not wearing poppies...
Hunt saboteurs can’t feel pain, government declares
The government has voted to reject a bill that recognises that hunt saboteurs are humans who feel pain and emotion.
Following an incident over the...
Your Mum has a dildo
Children all over the country are coming to terms with the horrifying reality that their Mums have at least one dildo.
Everybody who needs new kidney to get one as fair weather motorcyclists venture outside
The recent heat wave has meant that part-time riders and fair weather Valentino Rossi wannabes are venturing into the garage to wheel out their...
Cat who shit in litter tray lined with Daily Mail appointed editor
A cat who took a poo in a litter tray lined with a copy of the Daily Mail has been named as new editor...
Scientists Prove Fake News Caused by “A lack of bullying in schools”
Scientists believe they have proven the rise of Fake News is a direct consequence of the decline of bullying in schools.
Professor Andrei Clewsov of...
Rees-Mogg puts his clock back 200 years
Jacob Rees-Mogg has, today woken up in 1818 after instructing his Valet to put his clock back 200 years.
His Butler, Riff Raff told us,...
Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public
HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.
Palace officials were quick to point...
We won, get over it! voted 2017 Phrase of the Year by racists
We won, get over it! has become the new mantra of choice for racists, according to the results of a new survey published today.
The...
You don’t know what love is ’til you hold your baby for the first...
Forget looking into your bride's eyes on your wedding day, you don't know what love is until you become a parent and hold your...
Royal Mail agrees to launch new £6 first class Brexit stamp
The Royal Mail have announced a special stamp to commemorate Brexit today. The stamp will be a first class stamp and cost £6.
The Daily...
Cute dog is a savage little shit
A survey of very cute little dogs has discovered that almost 99.9% of them are in fact savage little bastards.
The survey which was carried...
