UKIP elects Diane James leader
Diane James was elected the leader of UKIP yesterday and has already been causing controversy on account of not being Nigel Farage.
People outside of...
Earthquake rescue workers reassured that Wales is fine, it’s supposed to look like that
Earthquake rescue teams from around the globe were told to stand down today after they descended en masse on Neath in South Wales following...
Britain’s oldest man, Paul Nuttall, has died.
Sir Paul Nuttall, VC, OBE, Ph.D, passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday, hours before his 108th birthday.
Sir Paul was the first man to...
White nationalists boycott Black Friday claiming all Fridays matter
A number of white nationalist groups have joined together in a boycott against the post-Thanksgiving consumer event known as Black Friday.
Black Friday has been...
Government launches electric car scrappage scheme to combat CO2 shortage
In a move that characterises the Government's inability to understand science it has been announced that they will launch an electric car scrappage scheme...
In London you’re never more than 6ft from a Tory Party leadership candidate, study...
The old adage has it that we're never more than six feet away from a Conservative Party leadership candidate?
It's a saying that seems almost...
Labour MP Needs To Bathe In Ocean
Wanky-named cod impersonator and Labour MP Thangar Debonairre (ironically in charge of modern culture!) was recently told to "Get in the sea," by a...
‘Corporal punishment should be reinstated’ – people against Sharia law
A recent survey of lobotomised knuckle dragging fuck nuggets revealed that they are fighting against the values that they themselves hold most dear.
We caught...
Theresa May gets into Christmas spirit by ordering census and slaughtering first born children
Theresa May has finally got into the spirit of Christmas by ordering a massive census of everybody in the UK and slaughtering all of...
Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters
Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University's Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...
EU offers bribe of better UK weather if we remain
The European Union, desperate for the UK to remain, have said that the proposed European Standard Weather system due to come into operation early...
More Guardian Subscriptions Cancelled Over Fresh Crossword Slur
Following yesterday's scandal that saw literally units of enraged Scotts cancelling their subscriptions, The Guardian's simple crossword this morning poured fresh fuel onto the...
Three year old child sits still and shuts up for five minutes
Unconfirmed reports are coming in from Rochdale that a three year old child sat still in contemplative silence for five whole minutes last Tuesday...
BBC Countryfile Filming Suspended After Presenter Gets Parking Ticket
Filming of cutting edge BBC show Countryfile was dramatically suspended last night after one of the presenters was accused of parking illegally.
Previously well respected...
Captain Tom finally able to pay Wonga loan off
Captain Tom Moore is reportedly thrilled that his fundraising has been so successful that he's finally able to pay off a loan he took...
Bloke whose wife said “do what you like” thinks he’s going to get to...
A husband whose wife told him to do whatever he likes is still not aware that he really isn’t going to get to do what he likes.
