Dog looking forward to “cower under the toilet night” this weekend
A dog has told of his love of the 5th of November festivities, or "cower under the toilet night" as it's known in the...
Earthquake rescue workers assured Grimsby is fine, it’s supposed to look like that
Earthquake rescue teams from around the globe were told to stand down today after they descended en masse on Grimsby in Lincolnshire following reports...
Government reveals latest cohort of “freak and misfit” advisors
The Government has announced that it has recruited some more "freaks and weirdos" as advisors following the resignation of noted weirdo, Andrew Sabisky.
A spokesman...
Coronavirus causes charmer to consider condoms
Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney". Claiming to...
Geordie accused of ‘cultural appropriation’ after wearing jacket during night out
A Geordie is being criticised by social media users for posting an Instagram photo of her wearing a jacket during a night out on...
Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus
Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...
Fears grow for BBC Explorer missing in Oldham
The alarm was raised today after BBC documentary maker and explorer Professor Robert Falcon failed to emerge from Oldham after missing his rendezvous with...
Prince Harry gets job as Prince Harry look-alike
Prince Harry has a new job as a Prince Harry look-alike in Canada.
His new boss told us, "There's a lot of attention on Prince...
Hampstead Heath Glory Holes to close in respect for George Michael
Regular visitors to Hampsted Heath have been informed all glory holes will be closed from tomorrow as a mark of respect to George Michael.
A...
Paul Golding Christmas Carol
Jingle Bells
My cell smells
It's gloomy and its rank
I only pissed some Muslims off
Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey
Jingle Bells
This is hell
I don't think...
Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children’s toys denies mid-life crisis
A Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children's toys denies mid-life crisis.
A forty two year old man from Rochdale who shaves his...
Arron Banks demands police enforcement of EU data privacy laws
Arron Banks has taken a day off from calling for Britain to leave the EU so it can be free from the interference of...
Only one more sleep until Dads start Christmas shopping
Dads are said to be giddy with excitement at the news that it's only one more sleep until they can start their Christmas shopping.
Dads...
Sad wankers unable to even part a Londoner from his beer
Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have...
Audi driver denies allegations he used indicators
An Audi driver from Rochdale has denied allegations that he used his indicators whilst driving on the M62 last Tuesday morning.
At least one woman...
Daily Mail demands children be taught anatomy using dead bodies of their teachers
The Daily Mail has today announced that school pupils in England should be taught anatomy using the dead bodies of their previously living teachers....
