Scotland’s oldest man dies aged 35

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Tributes have been paid to Gregor McGregor, Scotland's oldest man who died today aged 35.  An angry man with an impenetrable accent told us, "It's...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn urges Labour MP’s to get behind Theresa May or risk making him...

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Jeremy Corbyn has told Labour MP's that they had better get behind Theresa May and her, "And then there were none" vision of Brexit...

Jeremy Corbyn in Right Wing Political Correctness Storm

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The political right, bigots, misogynists, anti-feminists and liars across the country united yesterday, to fully embrace political correctness, after the opposition leader was accused...
Oldham

Move to rename Oldham as Oldtofu welcomed by militant vegans

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The town of Oldham, Greater Mancashire, has been praised by vegan activists, hipsters and liberal snowflakes alike for taking the progressive move of removing...

Hundreds arrested in dawn raids for not wearing a poppy

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More than 300 people have been arrested as part of an operation to prevent people who aren’t wearing a poppy to be seen in public today.

Riot Police and Protestors Come Together to Help Fat Man out of Jeans

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There were touching scenes at The Moderates against Moderation riot in the car park outside Rochdale's now infamous Waitrose as police and rioters came...
Wrapping Presents

I’ve already wrapped all my Christmas presents, say terrifying psychopaths

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Terrifying psychopaths around the country have taken time out from planning murders and disembowelling their neighbour's pets to tell The Rochdale Herald that they...

Torquay becomes UK Hate Capital overnight

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A new survey of social attitudes out earlier today has revealed that Torquay has turned into the Hate Capital of the UK overnight after...
Prince Harry begging

Prince Harry arrested in Windsor for aggressive begging to pay for wedding

Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police...
Audi A5

Audi driver denies allegations he used indicators

An Audi driver from Rochdale has denied allegations that he used his indicators whilst driving on the M62 last Tuesday morning. At least one woman...
Mo Farah

QUEEN defends herself from MUSLIM IMMIGRANT with SWORD

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According to reports in the Daily Mail today the Queen has been forced to defend herself from a marauding Muslim immigrant with a sword. A...

Michael Gove themed garden gnomes to be stocked by Homebase

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Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of...
Shouty man

We won, get over it! voted 2017 Phrase of the Year by racists

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We won, get over it! has become the new mantra of choice for racists, according to the results of a new survey published today. The...

Aliens Behind Trotskist Entryism, Claims Watson

Speaking from inside a tent made entirely of tinfoil, Deputy Leader of the The Labour Party told us that Aliens from the planet Luminx8-B...
Sturgeon

Will of the Scottish People Revealed to be Sturgeon’s Imaginary Friend

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An SNP insider has revealed that Nicola Sturgeon's repeated use of the phrase 'Will of the Scottish People' is actually a reference to her...
Sajid Javid

Sajid Javid accidentally deports himself to Pakistan

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Sajid Javid has accidentally deported himself to Pakistan. A Home Office spokesman said, "Mr Javid has said that a hard Brexit is a good thing...

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