Bloke in leather jacket thinks he looks cool

A leather jacket being worn by an overweight middle-aged northern bloke is utterly failing to make him look cool. Steve Dickinson’s faux vintage black leather...

Treasury seek OAP to sit in baked beans to fund Social Services

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In a surprise press release, the Treasury have today revealed a novel initiative to bolster funding for cash-starved Social Services. In the statement, Chancellor of...

London celebrates first “Gammon Pride” event

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Scotland Yard and the Met Police are bracing for potential violent clashes at a "Gammon Pride" event being held in London today. The event will...

People who ‘say it like it is’ invariably arseholes groundbreaking research concludes

Researchers at Rochdale Community University have concluded that people who "tell it like it is" are invariably complete arseholes. "People who 'tell it like it...

Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit

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Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today. There's been a...

After blowing 28 million pounds on Winter Olympics the UK grinds to halt after...

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Peyongchang 2018 was the most successful Winter Olympics for team GB and just one day after the closing ceremony Britain has begun its annual...
Shouty man

We won, get over it! voted 2017 Phrase of the Year by racists

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We won, get over it! has become the new mantra of choice for racists, according to the results of a new survey published today. The...
Football

Theresa May smashes transfer fee record by buying 10 Northern Irish defenders for £1.5BN

6
Theresa May today totally smashed Paul Pogba's world transfer fee record into smithereens after purchasing 10 Northern Irish defenders for a yet to be...

Gay traffic lights turn pavements to mince

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Transport for London have overstepped the mark by introducing gay traffic lights according to Rochdale father of two, Arthur Branesell. "Its outrageous! There's one with...
Paul Nuttall

Britain’s oldest man, Paul Nuttall, has died.

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Sir Paul Nuttall, VC, OBE, Ph.D, passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday, hours before his 108th birthday. Sir Paul was the first man to...
Queen and Philip

The Queen asks Merkel to form a government

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Her Majesty the Queen is expected to travel to Berlin later today to ask German Chancellor Angela Merkel to form a government for the...
Prince Harry begging

Prince Harry arrested in Windsor for aggressive begging to pay for wedding

Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police...

Daily Mail editor collapsed after not using racial slur to describe Prince Harry’s...

The editor of The Daily Mail is said to be in a critical condition this afternoon after learning that Prince Harry's new girlfriend is mixed race.
Dominic Raab

Dominic Raab announces sanctions on Isle of Aran

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Foreign Secretary, Dominic Raab has announced sanctions on the Isle of Aran. Mr Raaab announced the sanctions during a visit to Blackpool Tower in...

Britain First blame Foreigner for it being Cold As Ice

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We don't care if you've heard this joke before, because for us, it Feels Like The First Time. Dirty White Boy fan club Britain First...

Blitz spirit redefined as refusing to get off bus because somebody has a milkshake

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Nigel Farage has confirmed that when he or his party talk of 'the Blitz spirit' he is referring to the act of cowering on...

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