Chris Grayling awards ferry contract to Nigerian Prince after receiving fortuitous email
Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling has announced that the Government have awarded a contract to provide ferries in the event of a no-deal Brexit.
Grayling, the...
Scottish government urged to act as Edinburgh chip shop caught selling deep-fried HEROIN
Health campaigners in Scotland have urged the SNP government to take immediate action after an Edinburgh chip shop was found to be selling deep-fried...
Man still wearing shorts admits his legs are cold
Tom Hodgkins of Heywood today admitted that wearing shorts in winter is a bad idea and his leg are cold.
We caught up with Tom,...
Conservative Party campaign back on track after nobody resigns over rape or racism allegations...
The Tory Party is today celebrating getting its election campaign back on track after it managed to go a full half an hour without...
Rupert Murdoch still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister
With only two days of campaigning left before the general election, polling suggests that Rupert Murdoch is still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving...
Theresa May negotiates paying full price for a DFS sofa
Theresa May has succeeded in negotiating paying full price on a sofa from DFS.
Mrs May was returning from Salzburg following the most disappointing trip...
Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public
HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.
Palace officials were quick to point...
First year student can’t wait to get home to tell her pony all about...
A first year student at the University of Bristol is said to be very excited about getting home for Christmas so she can tell...
Christmas ruined as Santa fails CRB check
Christmas may be cancelled as Santa has failed to get his CRB check renewed.
The revelation came last night when a Government Spokesperson said, "Santa...
Sad wankers unable to even part a Londoner from his beer
Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have...
Daily Express readers warned to brace for worst winter in 5 billion years
The Daily Express has reported that Britain is to experience the worst winter for the last 5bn years.
John Muir, of Inexact weather forecasting said,...
Siberia braces itself for unseasonal British drizzle
Russian media is warning residents of Central Sibera that the usually frozen steppes will be be bit damper than Britain all week.
Prisoners in Siberian...
Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit
Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today.
There's been a...
Obvious Satire Still Confusing Idiots, Say Scientists
Researchers at the esteemed Rochdale Community University have published a study today revealing that fool-proof satire is still not fool-proof.
"We gave some angry morons...
Prince Andrew self isolating in Windsor with Olivia-16
Following the news that Prince Charles has contracted Covid-19, The Rochdale Herald has learned that Prince Andrew is self isolating at his home in...
Several million Irish sign petition to tie Bono to a fecking kite
The good people of the Emerald Isle know how to take advantage of this windy bollocks
A petition to "tie Bono to a fecking kite"...
