Bishop of Coventry confused over sexuality
The Right Reverend Christopher Cocksworth has admitted to sexual confusion, after screwing up a General Synod vote on gay marriage.
"I didn't know which way...
Police urge Burnley residents not to report sightings of fruit and veg in shops
Police in Burnley have been inundated with 999 calls after shops started stocking fresh fruit and veg.
Rumours that local shops had been taking secret...
Santa Claus Denied Visa to Enter UK
The Herald has discovered that father Christmas has been denied a visa to enter the UK on Christmas Eve, amid fears he may decide...
That’ll Show Them…
Racists reacted with predictable denial today when faced with the reality that the punishments they frequently recommend for those seeking asylum, immigrants and generally...
Corbyn Calls for Alton Towers to be Nationalised as Queues for Rollercoaster hits 2...
Waiting for hours for the hope of a seat, crushed up against other in the park, or crouched uncomfortably in the queues is an...
Band Aid 2016 to raise Buckingham Palace repair costs
A new version of 'Do they Know is Christmas?' has been released in time for the Christmas number one top spot.
The track by Bob...
Collins Dictionary compilers to take course in basic arithmetic after calling ‘fake news’ the...
Lexicographers who compile the Collins English Dictionary have been signed up en masse for a course in basic arithmetic, it has been revealed.
The move...
Marrying melanin maddens media more than molesting minors
As news broke that Harry and Meghan have decided to quit their jobs to spend less time with their family, the country braced itself...
Brexit Plan Turns Out To Be Just David Davis Bragging About His Massive Staff
The world waited with baited breath for David Davis' speech in which he was expected to reveal the government's plans for exiting the EU....
Corbyn’s cat is a Tory
Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn has confirmed his long held suspicions that his pet cat is a died in the wool, cast iron Tory.
Corbyn...
Corbyn press relationship hits the buffers following Traingate
Jeremy Corbyn had an uncomfortable day today as he was asked a series of questions by journalists after being caught bullshitting about the state...
Change of fart for Donald
Leading language experts are calling for a change in the classification of the word 'trump'.
Traditionally, it has been used as:
a term for flatulence
...
Thomas Cook Launch “40% Off Term-Time Holidays” Voucher
Holiday giant Thomas Cook have taken action after coming under pressure from the Government and consumer groups over the price of family holidays...
Interest Rates Dropped From Naff All to Sweet FA
Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime.
Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things...
BBC Countryfile Filming Suspended After Presenter Gets Parking Ticket
Filming of cutting edge BBC show Countryfile was dramatically suspended last night after one of the presenters was accused of parking illegally.
Previously well respected...
Vegans & Fruitarians to settle differences with pissing contest in Co-op car park
Long held tensions between Orthodox Vegans & followers of it's subsidiary Fruitarianism about which is the most ethical way of life finally came to...
