National News

More than 300 people have been arrested as part of an operation to prevent people who aren’t wearing a poppy to be seen in public today.

The new Christmas advert from Tesco has caused outrage for its lack of overt Christianity, mainly from people who will go nowhere near a church at Christmas. The advert encouraging people to consume mindlessly,...

Holiday giant Thomas Cook have taken action after coming under pressure from the Government and consumer groups over the price of family holidays during school term times. They are now offering huge 40%...

Economic experts are forecasting that Christmas 2017 will see a double digit percentage increase in cost to the average family, based on a basket of seasonal goods. Levels of fraughtness are expected to peak at...

A Rochdale Mum who has already meticulously planned her entire extended family’s Christmases has asked her children what they are planning to do on Christmas Day.  Office drone Steve Dickinson said: “We kind of knew...

British pensioners are gearing up for this weekend’s festival of remembrance by remembering their contrived war stories. Many, like 78 year old Justin Case, spent a great deal of the war throwing up, pooing into...

Eid al-Fitr is an important religious holiday that marks the end of Ramadan, London's most popular holy month Ramadan is the ninth month of London's calendar, traditionally recognising the month in which the Quran was...

A pair of lucky childless bastards have managed to book an off-season five star holiday to an empty resort at a cost of almost exactly fuck all. Mark and Emma Warner, 37 and 32, found...

In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already visited. On Tuesday night, the Foreign Office issued a worldwide travel...

A bloke with a tattoo of a skull on his neck has done really, really well in a job interview today. Harvey Wallbanger, 22, from Rochdale had applied for a job as a cashier in...

President Baxter of the Dogs has today issued an ultimatum and warning to his Cat counterpart, Beloved Leader Felix, over the rising tension in back yards across the globe. "What Mr Felix fails to recognise...

Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson. The company is believed to have lined up an Ad campaign featuring the befuddled minister throwing buckets of shite...

The Queen is said to be shocked that her accountants have invested heavily in Los Pollos Hermanos. The food chain, seen in the TV show, Breaking Bad is a front for a money laundering...

Concerns are mounting over the welfare of a Rochdale man who is apparently missing from his Lancashire home. Steve Dickinson, 42 and a bit, was last heard by neighbours shouting at the Six O’clock News,...

Littleborough man Andrew Bowers certainly knows how to live a little, cramming in a whopping FIVE birthday parties into his 41st birthday party weekend. They say life begins at 40, and for Andrew Bowers, 41,...

The United Kingdom was very giddy to learn today that there are just 3,617 parliamentary sex scandals left to be revealed before Christmas. Santa Claus has already put the finishing touches to the naughty and...