British man who can speak French to be burned as a witch
According to reports the British man who has learnt to speak a foreign language fluently is to be burnt at the stake on Tuesday.
Lord...
Piss levels dangerously low after 2016 took it all – study finds
A study into the efficiency of waste management facilities across the UK has revealed a dramatic decline in the levels of liquid waste being...
May To Choose Baby To Kiss During Campaign By Enforced National Raffle
Downing Street announced today that all families in the U.K. which include one or more infants are to be issued with a special raffle...
Queen acts out stamp during charades for 60th year running
The Queen acted out a stamp for the 60th year running during the traditional game of Charades at Sandringham yesterday.
An insider told us, "She...
Black people in England 8.2 times more likely to accidentally run into police truncheons...
Priti Patel today confirmed that the Black Lives Matter movement is a protest about American racism that has nothing to do with England. The...
Rail fares rise takes taking the piss further
The average price of standing between a handful of sweaty commuters whilst the will to live is squeezed out of you is to rise by around 2.3%. Again.
Sun exposes Cable as Strawberry fool
Liberal democrat leadership candidate "SIR" Vince Cable has been left looking a plum strawberry fool after his claim that Britain was running out of...
Drug Dealers Move to Distance Themselves from Hopkins
Ketamine dealers nationwide have moved to distance themselves from Katie Hopkins, it has been confirmed.
The news came following the upholding of a complaint by...
Harry Potter thinks Corbo is “Absolutely Wizard!”
Former Auror and famed 'boy who lived' Harry Potter has revolted against JK Rowling, who is his creator, by supporting Jeremy Corbyn only days...
Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters
Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University’s Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...
Man with six kids reckons he knows more about withdrawal method than some woman
The latest Etonian voice of the people, Jacob Rees-Mogg, is convinced that his Catholicism gives him the the edge on some woman
Jacob Rees-Mogg, who...
Duke of Edinburgh embroiled in food poisoning compensation scam
The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from...
Statue of Bristol slave trading Tory MP ‘tripped and fell’ insist police
In Bristol, England, police attended a protest against police brutality, during which a more than 100 year old man who posed no threat to...
Northern Shithole Celebrates UK Capital of Culture with Pie and Peas and a Knobbly...
About 60,000 people came out in Hull to watch a Burger Eating Contest & Arm Wrestling show to mark the start of the city's...
Parents of nativity play’s King Herod unsure what this says about their parenting
A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy.
The teacher, who asked not...
Mother persuades her children to eat veg
A hard working mother in West London is so desperate to get her children to eat vegetables she has put out a call for...
