Birmingham city council, has for the past few weeks been in the grips of a public sector strike. Birmingham’s ‘bin men’ are demanding fairer/higher wages (we’re not sure which) for collecting and moving the city’s huge amount of waste to refuse sites.
As a result of the strike, domestic and commercial rubbish quickly filled allocated bins and has since poured out into alleyways, gardens and street corners in a manner that puts the whole city in danger of being entered into next year’s Turner prize competition.
“I fear it’s going to get as bad as the 70’s.” Said Derek Witherbottom, Birmingham resident. He continued, “Rubbish piled up down the road like dry stone walling and swarms of Scousers scurrying down the M6 to dip through our swollen bins. Just awful times.”
However, despite the misery of wading through several tonnes of rubbish just to get to the corner shop for a pack of cigs, the pile up of garbage, joined with the warm weather, has had a surprising and pleasant side effect throughout England’s second largest city.
“Thanks to all the rotting food we can’t actually smell Birmingham anymore!” Said Derek.
“Birmingham is home to well over a million people, hundreds of thousands of cars and tens of thousands of takeaways and industrial works; to be frank, all that sweat, spice and exhaust fumes was nauseating.”
“I couldn’t walk from my job at the bank to the metro stop without being assaulted by the stink of a dozen different kebab houses, diesel trucks and enough deodorant radiating from groups of youths to make you think the Unilever factory had blown up. It was enough to make you vomit.”
“Now all I can smell is decaying food and used nappies. It’s a great improvement. I recommend the rest of the country follow Birmingham’s lead.”