Local News

A bottle of £3.50 red wine from Lidl, which was brought to a house warming has finally been returned to the cheapskate couple that originally bought it. The bottle has been gifted an estimated twelve...

Terry Thomas, 33, a south London real estate agent, is aware every single one of his clients wants to fire him. Mr Thomas has been working for his current agency, Imcomp & Tense, on a...

Experts tracking down rogue dog owners in Rochdale came up with the shocking news that prehistoric species are alive and kicking. What's more, the anachronistic creatures have been tracked down. A small nest of the...

A Rochdale fish and chip shop owner has been telling us how one of his employees is convinced he Kim Jong Un. Ray Fry told us, "A few months ago we put an ad in...

Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault and that could net you £thousands in compensation? No? Well do you want one? Today the Rochdale Herald launches its TripsAdvisor App - telling you the...

An elderly leave voter has been telling the Herald about his childhood and it's very similar to the Hovis advert. Roy Bader, 72, who's never been to Dorset or Yorkshire said, "When i were a...

Kingston Upon Hull has been tipped by the bookies to win the Turner Prize for Irony this year. The famed port city and its people have been shortlisted for ironically depicting a city of culture...

A Rochdale woman who found Hitlers face in a slice of toast has revealed she's converted to Nazism. The woman's son said, "About a week after she found Hitlers face in the toast I went...

An honest cat has admitted to its owner that the only reason it hasn’t eaten her is down to her relative size. The cat explained that it will gladly kill and eat just about any...

Every now and then a new fad will infect society and be scoffed at by decent people, until it fades away into the abyss, where it belongs. With the continuous rise of social media...

A Rochdale man who only ever reads books written by Jeremy Clarkson has voiced his anger about Jane Austen appearing on the new £10 note. 38 year old John Bull said, "It's a sign that...

A man who still wears his wristband from the 2011 Glastonbury Festival is to be euthanised later today, friends have confirmed. Martin Jones, a 27 year-old sales manager from Rochdale, has continued to wear the...

There were frantic scenes of violence and looting yesterday morning after Waitrose ran out of the 2009 vintage of the Chateau Lafite de Rothschild. Customers were queuing around the corner from 6am after Waitrose announced...

“The weather was our best asset.” The Society admitted. “There were voices in the early years of Roman expansion within Britannia who argued we should just hold a non-stop series of BBQ’s for the Romans until they got fed up trying to spit things in the rain and went home. It's actually how we got rid of Caesar back in BC dates.”

Traditional remedies, like bleeding and mercury, have proved ineffective. Complementary therapists have suggested vaccination, but have been dismissed by mothers who prefer their infants to die naturally rather than to become autistic church goers.

“You have to send help.” Dr Thump implored the emergency operator. “If this jelly gets out of my fridge there is no telling what it will do. It might start a nuclear war or worse.”