Local News

At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a report anti social behaviour. Reports since indicate that fighting had broken...

Since the early 1970s, the Trivial Piesuits factory has been a welcome source of employment, nourishment, and scent for Burnley residents. The squat factory unit, on the Heasandford Estate, has undoubtedly boosted house prices in...

A 27 year old woman was arrested and briefly detained by South Yorkshire Police after a Thomson  Airways cabin staff member spotted her reading a book while being brown. Faizah Shaheen, who helps prevent teenage mental...

Executives at Rotherham based media company Hot Pot Productions were left floundering today after yet another blow, the announcement that their flagship production, a reboot of the popular afternoon quiz show 'Going For Gold,'...

Rochdale Council recently held a competition to name it's new flagship refuse truck. Amongst the suggestions offered were 'Binny McBin Face', 'Shit Truck' and 'Binner Round The World'. The competition winner, 11 year old Glenlyce Hypervent...

A Rochdale man has explained what happened when, on a whim, he decided to buy his wife an ironing board for her birthday and thought he had best ask which colour she would prefer. Speaking...

A bottle of £3.50 red wine from Lidl, which was brought to a house warming has finally been returned to the cheapskate couple that originally bought it. The bottle has been gifted an estimated twelve...

Rumours were circulating around the editorial bunker yesterday that the man arrested for masturbating outside of Primark was local pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk. Despite getting our hopes up it turns out that it was somebody...

In the event of you suffering a serious accident that leaves you dead or incapacitated, your cat, definitely won’t eat your face, probably, a spokestabby told the Herald. “The very thought is just distasteful,” he...

Local businessman Vinnie 'Fingers' McPherson entered the big league in the world of high finance today when his appearance on TV's popular Dragon's Den show took him from pitch to rich. "I love doing this show" a...

The owner of a Villa in Alicante is said to be furious after discovering the Danczuk's had been holidaying in his property. Simon Danczuk, God bothering pornography enthusiast, creative accountant, serial text pest and part-time...

The leader of Burnley council has called for calm today, after it was revealed a Burnley schoolgirl went an entire term without becoming pregnant. Eric Dingle, confirmed that the school will be put under special...

“You have to send help.” Dr Thump implored the emergency operator. “If this jelly gets out of my fridge there is no telling what it will do. It might start a nuclear war or worse.”

A shock revelation on BBC Breakfast this morning revealed that British police forces are using fizzy drink to subdue suspects. The footage was taken from the body-cam of an officer who appears to be from...

A newborn baby is deliberately planning the most inconvenient time to either shit himself or start screaming for no reason. Lancashire-born newborn dickhead Barry Dickinson said; "It's all about timing, sleeping with one eye open...

Rochdale council have taken the unusual step of issuing a plea for help from residents, especially those further out of town to leave their taps on over night to help lower the risk of...