Local News

Rochdale - The leader of Rochdale Borough Council, Councillor Allen Brett, has reassured residents of the town that they won't be affected by the ongoing US Government shutdown on the basis that "we're not...

A newborn baby is deliberately planning the most inconvenient time to either shit himself or start screaming for no reason. Lancashire-born newborn dickhead Barry Dickinson said; "It's all about timing, sleeping with one eye open...

A local woman is said to be furious to discover that she isn't actually OCD. "I clean the floor and hoover the curtains three times a day!" Barbara Dickinson, a 47 year old bank teller...

It's rumoured the world famous café and toddler soft play centre Tumble Tots in Rochdale will shortly be rebranding as Dante's Seventh Circle of Hell. The move follows detailed discussions with a local advertising agency,...

A Rochdale woman who found Hitlers face in a slice of toast has revealed she's converted to Nazism. The woman's son said, "About a week after she found Hitlers face in the toast I went...

As he despatched six mini-buses of police officers carrying riot gear to a site where a council-paid contractor was due to fell a line of healthy trees used for Christmas fundraising, Sheffield police Assistant...

A + E departments and walk in clinics are struggling to deal with thousands of cases of extreme chafing caused by the hot weather. John Welsby of Middleton was turned away from a walk in clinic...

It has taken years of diligent campaigning and endless hours of tough negotiating but finally Simon Danczuk has achieved something material for the citizens Rochdale. Today saw the unveiling of Simon Danczuk's crowning achievement. A...

South Yorkshire Police Commissioner Adam Spillings went on record today as saying his force would no longer be arresting tree campaigners for doing nothing wrong 'under trade union law or any other law'. He...

A smug father of two from Bolton has taken the plaudits of his close friends and family as he managed to pack away all the Christmas shop into the family medium sized fridge/freezer combo...

There were scenes of jubilant confusion in the Middleton area this afternoon after a Rochdale woman discovered that her husband had refilled the toilet roll in the downstairs loo. "I couldn't believe my eyes." Barbara...

Kingston Upon Hull has been tipped by the bookies to win the Turner Prize for Irony this year. The famed port city and its people have been shortlisted for ironically depicting a city of culture...

The famous Monty Python Parrot was cleared for work this morning following a work capability assessment interview.

A 27 year old woman was arrested and briefly detained by South Yorkshire Police after a Thomson  Airways cabin staff member spotted her reading a book while being brown. Faizah Shaheen, who helps prevent teenage mental...

POLICE were forced to smash the window of a locked car parked outside Asda in order release a distressed dog inside the vehicle on Thursday. Worried passers-by spotted the labradoodle on the parcel shelf of...

Albert Froom was declared the winner of the Brown Vest yesterday after winning his fourth Tour De Rochdale. The famous bicycle race starts at The Duckworth Arms in Ramsbottom and ends The Bay Horse in...