SHOCK as cocaine bought in Rochdale nightclub found to contain trace amounts of COCAINE
Local man Geoff Addy was out partying in Rochdale's premier night club, Kokos, on Saturday for his mate John Bullington's abortion party, when he...
Burnley announces plans to be available in colour by 2022
Burnley Council has announced plans for town to be available in colour from 2022.
Just the Town Centre will be effected initially. The announcement...
Burnley twins with itself
After an extensive search, the Burnley Council has decided that the town best suited to twinning with Burnley is Burnley itself.
"We hired a consultant...
Monty Python Parrot cleared fit for work by ATOS
The famous Monty Python Parrot was cleared for work this morning following a work capability assessment interview.
Northern man puts teabag directly in bin without putting it in the sink
In a world first a northern man has put a teabag into the bin without first putting it into the sink for a few...
Naked gym guy insists “I’m just high on life”
Reports are circulating that a middle aged man stripped stark bollock naked last night at local budget gym, LoveMuscle.
Eyewitnesses claim he was beating his...
Rochdale council to trial bi-monthly bin collections
Rochdale Council's Refuse Planner, Frederick West, made the announcement on the council's Facebook page last week.
"Since the resounding success of our bi-weekly refuse collections...
It’s the Greatest Story Ever Told – The Rochdale Brexit Christmas Nativity
It was the night before Christmas. Newsthump had run an article claiming that if the surplus Remainers from Islington were resident in Rochdale on...
Woman’s bad mood CURED by random bloke telling her to ‘smile’
A Rochdale woman has miraculously found the secret to happiness by following the guidance of a male passerby who told her to 'smile, love,...
Waterloo Road Grandma School Farce
A crisis has arisen in a Rochdale school after a Chinese whispers cock up of epic proportions went much further than any sane person...
Man begins month long quest to get fit
In a determined effort, this time (yes, this time it's for real, not like the other times) Simon Lardon, single, of Sheffield, has given...
Burnley Analytica implicated in Pie Market fixing scandal
The highly influential research and strategy group, Burnley Analytica, have been accused of unfairly influencing the, multi-pound Northern Pie Market.
An undercover investigation, by Baked...
Local Nun in record attempt to raise the roof
A local Nun from Sacred Heart Church in Rochdale could soon become famous for a world record attempt if, with the help of The...
Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...
A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank.
Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing...
Spanish Armada weatherman in the drink after Michael Fish moment
“Forecasting weather in Spain is easy.” Senor Dos explained, bobbing up and down on a piece of driftwood in the English Channel. “It’s always good.”
Drunk driver that crashed car into tree blames tree for causing accident
A drunk driver that crashed his car into a tree on Saturday night has told us the tree caused the accident.
A police spokesman said,...
