Rochdale spies suffer eye strain after being exposed to local man’s tackle

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Two of Rochdale's well known top secret spies were today recovering in Specsavers after local man, Fred Higglesworth, exposed himself after drinking ten pints...

Spanish Armada weatherman in the drink after Michael Fish moment

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“Forecasting weather in Spain is easy.” Senor Dos explained, bobbing up and down on a piece of driftwood in the English Channel. “It’s always good.”

Monty Python Parrot cleared fit for work by ATOS

The famous Monty Python Parrot was cleared for work this morning following a work capability assessment interview.
steak pie

Burnley Analytica implicated in Pie Market fixing scandal

The highly influential research and strategy group, Burnley Analytica, have been accused of unfairly influencing the, multi-pound Northern Pie Market. An undercover investigation, by Baked...

Rochdale DFS Sale has finally ended

Rochdale DFS announced the first end of a sale for a decade after running out of sofas yesterday. DFS customers in Rochdale are expected to...
Danczuk

Rochdale Online to give Danczuk day off

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In a miraculous change of heart Rochdale Online has decided to give the suspended MP Simon Danczuk a break. Editor Sandra Simonhater said "He...

Rochdale woman who found Hitler’s face on slice of toast converts to Nazism

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A Rochdale woman who found Hitlers face in a slice of toast has revealed she's converted to Nazism. The woman's son said, "About a week...

Have Rochdale Tesco Implemented a New Stop And Search Policy?

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Following a recent spate of shoplifting, Rochdale's Littleborough branch of Tesco Express came under fire today for apparently launching a dramatic new zero-tolerance 'stop...

Unnamed Rochdale MP to be charged with being drunk in charge of a mobility...

An as yet unnamed MP for Rochdale has allegedly been arrested for being drunk in charge of a mobility scooter. Police were called in the...
Rochdale paramedics

Husband fails to avoid loaded question

A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question...

Topless Danczuk in topless holiday prison catfight scandal

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The owner of a Villa in Alicante is said to be furious after discovering the Danczuk's had been holidaying in his property. Simon Danczuk, God...

EDL firebombs PC World in Rochdale town centre

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The computer superstore PC World, this morning lies in tatters as a pile of smouldering rubble following a devastating attack last night.  The trouble began...
Burnley

Burnley twins with itself

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After an extensive search, the Burnley Council has decided that the town best suited to twinning with Burnley is Burnley itself. "We hired a consultant...

Rochdale Police Find ‘Lost’ Horse in semi rural area

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Reports from GMP Rochdale are somewhat vague to say the least, so the minimum we can assume from the information supplied is the horse is somewhere...

It’s a muffin say experts ending the debate once and for all

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An argument over the name of a baked bread product that is traditionally cut in twain and filled with goodness like chips, bacon or...
School class

PARENT’S FURY AT COMPULSORY ARABIC LESSONS AT ROCHDALE PRIMARY SCHOOL

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Parents are furious about Rochdale Primary School's decision to force children to learn Arabic symbols in Maths lessons. Many parents believe that forcing their children...

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