Cyclist

Man attends Halloween party dressed as cyclist

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A Rochdale man has won a Halloween fancy dress competition after turning up dressed as a cyclist. Bill Board, 35 arrived at pal Stan...

No Segs Please, We’re Rochdalians

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Barmy Council Imposes Blanket Blakey Ban Rochdale Metropolitan Borough Council have imposed a blanket ban on Segs, the popular metal footwear protector, following complaints from the...
Trump Flag

I’ve just made a life size jelly of Donald Trump, I fear I may...

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“You have to send help.” Dr Thump implored the emergency operator. “If this jelly gets out of my fridge there is no telling what it will do. It might start a nuclear war or worse.”

Rochdale council to trial bi-monthly bin collections

Rochdale Council's Refuse Planner, Frederick West, made the announcement on the council's Facebook page last week. "Since the resounding success of our bi-weekly refuse collections...

Red hot poker denies involvement in death of Edward II

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Edward’s distraught widow, Isabella of France, and his best friend, Roger Mortimer, have declared in a joint statement that they will get to the bottom of Edward’s death...

Danczuk Less Popular than standing in dog shit

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Here at the Herald we've seen numerous "news" sources state that Britain's answer to Donald Trump has considerable support amongst Labour Party members. We somehow...

Home Worker facing HR disciplinary hearing after sexually assaulting himself at work Christmas Party

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A home worker from Rochdale is facing a disciplinary hearing today after he allegedly sexually assaulted himself after getting drunk at his office Christmas...

Rochdale woman in loo roll change shock

There were scenes of jubilant confusion in the Middleton area this afternoon after a Rochdale woman discovered that her husband had refilled the toilet...

Put a top on, you’re not Poldark man told.

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A Rochdale man has been told to put a top on whilst he does the gardening as he's in no danger of ever being...
Tree lined street

Sheffield City Council issues injunction against Councillor for doing councillory things.

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In the increasing farrago that surrounds Sheffield City Council's efforts to denude the streets of lush, green, oxygen-providing, shade-giving trees - in the quest...

Rochdale woman in Waitrose platitude tragedy

A Rochdale woman was left devastated today after discovering that she will now be looking after her neighbour's children for the next three Sunday...

Rochdale couple speak of leaving embarassing ‘Jacob Rees-Mogg’ phase

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Two grandparents from Rochdale have spoken about emerging from the embarrassing 'Jacob Reees-Mogg' phase of their life. Orla Board told us, "We'll look back at...

Army called in to Burnley find ‘riot’ just sale at Farmfoods

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The British Army was deployed in Burnley town centre earlier today to quell civil unrest apparently taking place in the city's popular shopping district. Army...

Keith Vaz in hiding after wife tells him she’s “fine”

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The whereabouts of Keith Vaz remain a mystery this morning after rumours emerged that he fled the country following a conversation with his wife...

Rochdale woman who found Hitler’s face on slice of toast converts to Nazism

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A Rochdale woman who found Hitlers face in a slice of toast has revealed she's converted to Nazism. The woman's son said, "About a week...

Rochdale Twin Towns To Be Replaced Post-Brexit

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In line with the decision taken by the government that following the UK's departure from the EU, British towns will no longer be allowed...

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