Manchester residents perform ceremony to bring rain back
Manchester residents are delighted that their rituals to the Rain God have worked and banished the burning eye that brings only searing skin pain.
Dr...
Woman’s bad mood CURED by random bloke telling her to ‘smile’
A Rochdale woman has miraculously found the secret to happiness by following the guidance of a male passerby who told her to 'smile, love,...
Funeral business booming thanks to Tory policy
Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services.
Although ATOS, the...
Drowning Man Rescued from Gorton Pothole
Following a night out with his mates, a man who fell into a pothole in Gorton, Manchester was rescued by a passing stranger.
The...
Rochdale Herald issues cease and desist warning against The Southend News Network
The editorial department at The Rochdale Herald was in uproar this afternoon after one of the biggest names in satirical local news blatantly ripped...
The Beckhams ditch L.A for glorious Rochdale
Today the Herald can exclusively reveal the jaw dropping news that the world's biggest star, glamour model, fashion icon, tireless charity worker and one...
Cats claim they definitely won’t eat your face, probably
In the event of you suffering a serious accident that leaves you dead or incapacitated, your cat, definitely won’t eat your face, probably, a...
‘Childhood vaccines prolonged my agonising march towards death’ claims nihilist.
A local nihilist has started a campaign against vaccinations, arguing that they force children to endure the pain and sadness of their futile existence.
Stephen...
Danczuk Less Popular than standing in dog shit
Here at the Herald we've seen numerous "news" sources state that Britain's answer to Donald Trump has considerable support amongst Labour Party members. We somehow...
Only two Prime Ministers until Christmas
It may only be July but there are only two Prime Ministers until Christmas. That's according to the British Christmas Monitoring League.
The warning comes...
Rochdale wall of fame no longer just a pipe dream
After years of negotiations and any number of setbacks the much-anticipated wall of fame to celebrate our most cherished home-grown talents could soon be...
Pause in Sheffield tree felling as South Yorkshire Police launch raids on public trumpeters
Following the recent arrest of a woman for playing a toy trumpet at a tree felling site, and the resultant revelation that trumpeting in...
If I’d wanted to smell of shampoo I wouldn’t have rolled in fox shit...
A Labrador Retriever from Rochdale was feeling aggrieved today after her owner callously pulled rank over her choice of fragrance.
Luna Goodgirl, aged 3, told...
Rochdale Herald Editor Re-admitted to Hospital
Herald editor, Quentin D. Fortesqueue has been re-admitted to Rochdale General Hospital for surgery to remove his tongue from his cheek.
The jaded and cynical...
Government responds to Saddleworth Moor crisis by pledging further cuts to Fire Fighting services
Greater Manchester Fire & Rescue Service were today boosted in their thankless quest to control the ongoing fires sweeping Saddleworth Moor by the news...
Rochdale’s Monthly Bin Collections Hailed Success
Rochdale’s Council have declared their bi-monthly bin collections a “massive success” and a “victory for recycling” by Labour Mayor Johnny Pork.
