Rochdale citizens were today warned against panic buying one of the staples of their diet.

A widespread shortage of Futtock’s Pies has been reported throughout the Rochdale area and up to several shoppers have been dismembered in the violent scenes at pie outlets. It is potentially the worst pie-related disaster since the closure, for unexplained reasons, of Bury’s Holiday Kennels and Cattery Pie Company Ltd.

Rodney Futtock, the third generation pie maker, reassured the Herald “While it is true our secret recipe calls for certain herbs we currently source from Italy, we do not foresee immediate supply problems even if Boris Johnson manages to entirely piss off the entire Italian government.”

The chairman of the Rochdale Trade Federation told The Herald “A shortage of Futtock’s would be a most unfortunate scenario, leading to some townsfolk having to go without. Or worse still, sourcing pies from Bolton”.

A man stopped at random on Rochdale High Street, a Mr Omar Simpson commented “Mmmm……. pies……”