Local man Steve Dickinson (39 and a half) put his back out this morning in the gym whilst trying to get fit for a beach holiday in September.

“It’s been going alright, except for the constant injuries and humiliation, argh, of comparing yourself to men 15 years younger than you everyday.” Steve told the Herald this afternoon.

“It weren’t even that heavy, the lad next to me was lifting twice as much and making it look dead easy. I was just trying to keep up. I just forgot that I’m not 25 but almost 40.”

Steve has spent most of the day walking about like an 80 year old with rickets and unresolved childhood Polio but still insists that going to the gym is good for you.

“I had a frozen shoulder in March which is almost better now, a knackered hip in June and now this but otherwise I love going to the gym, honestly I love going. Argggh!”

Fortunately for Steve he has the full support of his family.

“My two year old definitely knows when Daddy isn’t feeling well. She just posted the Sky remote behind the TV cabinet and now it’s stuck on CBeebies, argghh! I won’t be fishing that out anytime soon. It looks like I’m watching In the Night Garden tonight, on a loop, it’s okay if you have some Tramadol.”

“My wife? She just said not again and went out to Manchester with her friends.”

“The dog has been particularly helpful, he just ran around the garden and then round the living room. I’m going to need to buy a new carpet, argh! I love the gym.”

More on this as it breaks.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.