Trump demands phone number for Ghostbusters after being visited by three spirits
President of the United States of America, Donald Trump is demanding to know how to get in touch with the Ghostbusters, it has been...
Emergency ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ cabinets to be installed in every American classroom by 2020
The US Department of Education has revealed plans to install emergency 'Thoughts and Prayers' cabinets in every school classroom by the year 2020.
The announcement...
End of the World Predicted this month. For the Third Time
End of the World Predicted this month. For the Third Time.
This time conspiracy theorists have predicted that, on 23 September, there will be a...
Couples who call each other Mummy and Daddy told to pack it the f*ck...
Couples who call each other Mummy and Daddy have been told by the authorities to pack it the fuck in or be faced with...
Your 60 second news round-up
Here's The Rochdale Herald's round-up of today's important news headlines:
- UKIP leader's girlfriend is a nasty little racist
- Nicola Sturgeon backs a second Scottish...
If it wasn’t for these pesky bone spurs I’d have stopped shooter myself, says...
Actual real-life President of the United States Donald Trump told a press conference earlier today that if it wasn't for the debilitating bone spurs...
All guns to be armed with guns
In the wake of the latest mass shooting of innocent people to take place on U.S. soil, the National Rifle Association has issued a...
Abu Hamza to be welcomed back to the UK with State Visit
Hate preacher Abu Hamza has been invited to a State Visit after Number 10 revealed that they are widening the scope of the unsavoury...
Trump Press Secretary buys fireproof underpants
The secret of Press Secretary Sean Spicer's propensity for hyperbolic bullshitacity has been revealed.
He has reportedly been wearing a revolutionary new type of asbestos...
Playboy Bunnies surprised to find Hugh Hefner stiffer than usual
Notorious Bachelor and soft core pornographer Hugh Hefner was pronounced dead this morning at his home, the Playboy Mansion, Los Angeles.
Early reports indicate that...
Roy Moore ordered to pay if he wants another go after coming in a...
The Alabama Secretary of State has told Judge Roy Moore that he will have to finance any recount of the Senate seat vote.
John Merrill...
NRA claims that fewer elephants would be shot by hunters if more of them...
The National Rifle Association has today put out a statement claiming that fewer African elephants would fall victim to big game hunters if they...
Top Vatican paedophiles and the Pope claim Transgender people are ‘crime against God’
Frock wearing top Catholic wizard Pope Francis has decided that transgender people are a crime against God.
"They teach children -children!- that they can choose...
Sweden not rocked by terrorist incident
Hundreds of Swedes were not killed on Friday night by a terrorist attack. A suicide bomber, described by police as non-existent, failed to detonate explosives in a crowded shopping centre, or, indeed, anywhere else.
Trump rage over #takeafinger protests
Donald Trump has demanded "they fire these sons of bitches" over the growing #takeafinger protests.
A woman pictured raising her middle finger toward Trump's motorcade...
Mayor of New Orleans accidentally summons Donald Trump after saying ‘Hurricane’ five times
Mitch Landrieu, the Mayor of New Orleans has told has told us that he inadvertently summoned Donald Trump to New Orleans.
The Mayor said, "I...
