Fat bottomed ape learns to mimic human sounds
Washington DC - A seventy year primitive primate that can mimic human words such as hello, bigly, braggadocios, and covfefe is thought to be...
Farage takes on Eurovision
In a shock move today, the rubber faced, racist, people's champion Nigel Farage has announced his intentions to represent Great Britain in next year's...
May gives Nigerian Prince sort code, account number and PIN in trade negotiations
Theresa May has given her sort code, pin number and bank account number to a Nigerian Prince she's met whilst negotiating trade.
The exchange came...
Westboro Baptist Churchgoers saddened by news that God actually hates FAQ’s
Congregation of famously homophobic church disheartened to learn that The Almighty is 'proper hacked off with being asked the same dumb shit over and...
Statue Of Liberty To Be Deported
America's creepiest uncle, State Department Obergruppenführer Steve 'Steve-O' Bannon confirmed today that steps were being taken to deport 'dangerous subversive' the Statue of Liberty.
"Ms...
Couples who call each other Mummy and Daddy told to pack it the f*ck...
Couples who call each other Mummy and Daddy have been told by the authorities to pack it the fuck in or be faced with...
DUP ask Merkel for one billion Euros to give her their support in Bundestag
News broke this morning that the Northern Ireland political party, the DUP, has demanded one billion euros from Angela Merkel in order to support...
Barack Obama wakes up in White House shower, Trump administration just a bad dream
As we wake up and greet the new year, President Barack Obama has a weird and wonderful story to tell.
We managed to catch up...
Singing Ringing Tree to be felled for post-Brexit firewood
Britain's exit from the European Union is set to spell the end for some of the country's best loved children's TV programmes, it was...
Only a good guy with a nuclear weapon can stop a bad guy with...
The only way to stop a bad guy with a nuclear weapon is a good guy with a nuclear weapon. That's according to the...
New EU regulations will require all new houses to have Toulouse
Flush from the success of Brexit, the EU Commission has been swift to demonstrate what the future looks like without a good hard Brit. ...
Governor of Puerto Rico seeks Theresa May’s advice on how to rule an island...
The Governor of Puerto Rico, Jorge Aliouet sent an urgent appeal to Prime Minotaur Theresa May tonight.
The island of Puerto Rico has been devastated...
Trump aide sacked after misspelt memo advised him to secure the “rapist vote”
It emerged that a senior aide has been dismissed after a spelling mistake caused a schism in Presidential campaign.
Campaign to move Calais Jungle migrant Camp to Southend dubbed inhumane
Plans to move the makeshift refugee camp in Calais to Southend were quashed today after a cross party committee called the plans inhumane.
Refugees from...
Potential asylum seekers now to be meme tested
Following public outcry, The Home Office have announced new measures to establish the age of refugees.
Many Brits are shocked that someone who has had...
Charlie Brooker commits suicide whilst writing his 2016 Wipe
The much loved satirist repeatedly smashed his face into his own coffee table whilst reading through a draft of his hugely anticipated show.
In the...
