Fuckwits in America who keep blocking gun control reform have been forced to once again ask the question “why do mass shootings happen over and over again?”

At least seventeen children have been shot whilst minding their own business in a school in Florida.

The rest of the developed world keep telling them it’s because they sell guns and bullets in supermarkets to people who want to buy them, but they’re insistent that isn’t the reason.

“That isn’t the reason.” Billy-Jo Yeehaw, a leading fuckwit, told The Rochdale Herald. “It has nothing to do with the accessibility of weapons, cheap ammunition and a broken mental health system.”

“It must be something else. Anyway everybody knows there are farms in Florida and where there’s farms there’s fertiliser. If they couldn’t get guns and bullets they’d just make a fertiliser bomb.” An actual real life fuckwit from America told The Rochdale Herald this evening.

“Guns and bullets don’t kill people. People with guns and bullets kill people. Once all the people are dead the guns and bullets will be completely harmless.” A spokesman from the NRA told The Rochdale Herald.

“The trick is to think about these things logically. You ‘liberals’ just don’t think things through, that’s the problem with you guys. Don’t you like freedom? USA, USA, USA.”

“America is all about freedom. You should be free to buy whatever heavy weaponry you want in a free country. You should also be allowed to fire it wherever you want. Schools, concerts, supermarkets. Other people are free to get out of the way.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.