The British media world was stunned today by the discovery of a tribe of non-British humans who actually attempt to save each other after natural disasters.

To listen to the thrilled and condescending tones of British journalists interviewing desperate earthquake survivors in Mexico, is to understand this is a world first.

The Rochdale Herald flew our toughest correspondent down to Southampton, as we couldn’t cover the airfare to go further, to make a collect phone call to one of the journalists and learn more.

“It’s simply so life affirming.” The Beeb’s Mr Dan Action stated, reporting from the scene of the latest quake in Mexico. “People who aren’t British are trying to save their children who are buried under mountains of rubble. It’s almost like they are just as human as ourselves. As if some qualities are universal and not simply British values?”

While he was being interviewed he was asked to be quiet by some local men who were attempting to rescue a child somewhere in the catastrophic debris field.

“And now they want me to talk quieter so they can locate a child sobbing in terror under the rubble. It’s simply amazing how far some peoples can manage to display basic universal human traits even when they never suffered through a childhood of wet, damp summers.”
It wasn’t all good news however.

Mr Dan did notice that the jolly robust foreign chaps weren’t lining up to be rescued in an orderly queue.

“I bet they can’t brew up a good English breakfast.” Mr Action commented. “They probably think you actually put the bacon and eggs into hot water!”

Our correspondent hung up at that point in the desperate hope his colleague would shut up long enough for the child to be located and saved.