In an unpresidented turn of events, one of Donald Trump’s tweets was proven to be correct today after Shit Hair Magazine declared him person of the year.
In previous years, the much sought after accolade has been awarded to such shitty haired twatbaskets as John Travolta, Boris Johnson, Kim Jong Un (last year) David Gest (x3) and Kelly Osborne (first female winner), but this is the first time the prestigious style publication has named a United States President as having the shittest, most ridiculous hair in the world.
Trump recently tweeted, ‘I’ve had a call from Shit Hair Magazine and they told me I was a shoe-in for person of the year – I gratefully told them I would be honoured’. Many on social media, however, douted the legitimacy of this claim; given the tangerine pisswhiffle’s propensity for tweeting any old egotistical shite in a vain attempt to impress morons and convince himself of his own relevance.
All doubts about the claim were slammed down today though, when Chief Editor of Shit Hair Magazine, Chester S Pernkbúbble, announced ‘There weren’t even any other candidates to be perfectly honest, I mean who in the world could compete with someone who’s rug looks like a banana coloured candyfloss made from threshed straw and appears to be constantly attempting to escape his head, only to be held back by powerful vice-grips and industrial strength hairspray?
You can’t even tell where this combover, that seems like it was designed by one of Clive Barker’s most evil creations with the sole intent of punishing, for all eternity, any who gaze upon it, begins or ends, so it is with great pleasure that Shit Hair Magazine announces Donald Trump as clear winner for person of the year’.
President Trump is rumoured to have already commissioned an oil painting of the magazine cover to be hung over his desk in The Whitehouse.