Hunt saboteurs can’t feel pain, government declares
The government has voted to reject a bill that recognises that hunt saboteurs are humans who feel pain and emotion.
Following an incident over the...
Court sentences Katie Hopkins to be burned at the stake as a witch
In a shock move Friday, a UK libel court has ordered that controversial Daily Mail colonist and professional bigot, Katie Hopkins be burned at...
DUP advises British Gas customers to burn witches and Catholics to keep warm this...
Princess Diana's body is to be exhumed and hung on a gibbet outside Buckingham Palace to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the last witch-hunt...
Wayne Rooney to be donated to Beijing zoo footballer breeding program
Manchester United have announced that they are donating the footballer Wayne Rooney to Beijing zoo.
The footballer who has been increasingly marginalised this season will...
Conservative Christmas Party cancelled after failing to negotiate piss up deal with brewery
There was despair throughout the Conservative Party today after government officials announced that the annual Christmas do has been cancelled.
The news comes after many...
Fears for local man missing in Ikea
Fears were increasing today for an intrepid, brave, noble man who has been missing in Ikea for 14 days.
Steve Dickinson from Dukinfield...
People who ‘say it like it is’ invariably arseholes groundbreaking research concludes
Researchers at Rochdale Community University have concluded that people who "tell it like it is" are invariably complete arseholes.
"People who 'tell it like it...
Local man begins annual quest to find Muslim offended by the word ‘Easter’
Our intrepid reporter Charlie Stuart spends the day with a patriot on a mission.
Mass shootings are an unsolvable problem says country with a mass shootings problem
A country that has a really serious problem with deranged lunatics buying really big guns and shooting dozens of strangers has publicly said it...
Northern man puts teabag directly in bin without putting it in the sink
In a world first a northern man has put a teabag into the bin without first putting it into the sink for a few...
Facebook will always be free for students, promises Nick Clegg
Following the news that Nick Clegg has been hired by Facebook it has been announced that the platform will absolutely, definitely, always be free...
Wales celebrates after spectacular 2016 Darwin Award victory
The population of Wales has been awarded a collective 2016 Darwin Award for its staggering act of self immolation in last year's referendum on...
Aliens land on earth, demand under no circumstances to be taken to our leaders
It has been confirmed that aliens have landed on earth over the festive period. Their large red craft, powered by nine outlying vaguely reindeer-shaped...
Season 9 of The Walking Dead to be filmed in Burnley Asda
The Burnley Magic Lantern Club has announced that the next Season of The Walking Dead will be filmed in an Asda store in Burnley.
Benny...
Dominic Raab warns against travel to Iran and other Scandinavian countries
The foreign secretary Dominic Raab has warned British nationals not to travel to Iran or any other Scandinavian countries following last week's US airstrikes...
Everybody who needs new kidney to get one as fair weather motorcyclists venture outside
The recent heat wave has meant that part-time riders and fair weather Valentino Rossi wannabes are venturing into the garage to wheel out their...
