Wanker punches Dickhead. Dickhead in serious condition

2
News is emerging from Belgium today that a wanker has punched a dickhead and the dickhead is in a serious condition with a bleed on the brain.

Tommy Robinson thrown out of restaurant after complaining about ‘Allah Cart’ menu

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Tommy Robinson has been thrown out of a restaurant in Oldham after a campaign event today after starting a row with the manager over...
Brian Cox's Flat Earth

Brian Cox concedes Earth is flat after spotting massive rounding error

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Astrophysicists around or rather, across the world are in turmoil after Oldham-born pop-rock sensation, Professor Brian Cox today admitted that the Earth is...
Lord Sugar from The Apprentice

Lord Sugar to humiliate 18 tossers in annual quest to find nation’s biggest twat

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Hairy scrotum faced narcissist and entrepreneur, Lord Sugar, has launched his annual challange to find the UK's biggest arsehole after himself. The one time Klingon...

People who ‘say it like it is’ invariably arseholes groundbreaking research concludes

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Researchers at Rochdale Community University have concluded that people who "tell it like it is" are invariably complete arseholes. "People who 'tell it like it...

Hundreds arrested in dawn raids for not wearing a poppy

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More than 300 people have been arrested as part of an operation to prevent people who aren’t wearing a poppy to be seen in public today.

Inner city youths escape prison for dogfighting by wearing red jackets and calling people...

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Inner-city police are warning of the rise of a brutal new "sport" among the working classes, a savage, twisted parody of the fine ancient...
Ant and Dec

Ant McPartlin’s forehead to be used as theatre wheelchair ramp as part of community...

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There was a much needed boost for disabled theatre lovers today, as a West End theatre confirmed they had secured the use of Ant...

Wales celebrates after spectacular 2016 Darwin Award victory

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The population of Wales has been awarded a collective 2016 Darwin Award for its staggering act of self immolation in last year's referendum on...

ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts

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So called 'Islamic State'  have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts. A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after...
Fox

Foxes vote to bring back fox hunting after promise of ‘iconic’ fox passports

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Foxes across the UK have voted in favour of repealing the 2004 fox hunting ban, following a Government promise to issue them with 'iconic'...

I married him for rugged good looks and winning personality claims Melania Trump

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Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.

Florence and Dougal quit UK over Brexit fears

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In a shock move, Magic Roundabout stars Florence and Dougal have announced they are quitting the UK to move back to their native France...
Queen and Philip

The Queen asks Merkel to form a government

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Her Majesty the Queen is expected to travel to Berlin later today to ask German Chancellor Angela Merkel to form a government for the...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn demands General Election so voters can choose between Brexit or Brexit

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Jeremy Corbyn has demanded that the Government call a General Election in order that the public can choose between his insane version of Brexit...

Melania Trump was definitely not a prostitute says Melania Trump & Daily Mail

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Slovenian "model" and "wife" of "human being" Donald Trump has lashed out at allegations in The Daily Mail that she was a sex worker...

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