No arrests made as gang of white people chase group of black men through...

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Reports are coming in of a civil disturbance in London which has seen a mob of almost 40,000 white people chase a small group...

Brexiteer speaks of shock at discovering Britain is an island

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Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab has been speaking of his discovery that Britain is an island today. Speaking to the media Mr Raaab said, "People have...

Piers Morgan quits Good Morning Britain to reprise Pigeon Lady role in Home Alone...

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Piers Morgan has reportedly quit Good Morning Britain this week in order to reprise his award-winning role of Pigeon Lady in the Home Alone...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling wins Turner Prize for dystopian work “Railway Timetable in May”

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The Turner Prize committee has announced that this year's prize will be awarded to Chris Grayling for his dystopian work, "Railway Timetable in May". A...

New royal baby to be called Mohammed and raised gender neutral

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The Duchess of Sussex Megan Markle has today given birth to a healthy child after a quick labour. Prince Harry is reported as delighted, as...
trump salute

Donald Trump autobiography ‘My Struggle’ set for December release

2
A spokesman for Donald Trump has announced that the eagerly anticipated Trump autobiography is set for release in early December just in time for...
Tony Montana

Tony Montana to become new White House communications director

3
Tony Montana is set to become White House communications director following the sacking of Anthony Scaramucci today. Mr Montana was last seen toting M16A1 guns...

Scientists admit Rees-Mogg is experiment to create the perfect twat

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There was mild surprise today, as the lid was blown off a secret program revealing that Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg was the product of...
Boris Johnson

Leave means Leave says Boris Johnson’s Girlfriend

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Boris Johnson's girlfriend has apparently told a befuddled Boris Johnson that leave means leave during a heated row at her flat in the early...

Josef Fritzl gets Knighthood in New Years honours

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Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of...

World in shock after professional boxer wins boxing match against amateur boxer

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The sporting world is in disarray this morning after an unbeaten professional boxer won a boxing match against a bloke who hadn't had a...

Local man begins annual quest to find Muslim offended by the word ‘Easter’

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Our intrepid reporter Charlie Stuart spends the day with a patriot on a mission.

Man kills woman

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A woman has been killed by a man, make sure you use passive voice, the article is going to be about the woman This article...
Melania Trump

Melania did not have sex with horrible old men for money admits Daily Mail

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The Daily Mail have gone on the record today to say that Melania Trump did not and never has had sex with any horrible...
Scientist

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

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A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just...
Burnley

Burnley announces plans to be available in colour by 2022

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Burnley Council has announced plans for town to be available in colour from 2022. Just the Town Centre will be effected initially. The announcement...

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