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The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first since Harry "18 bites" Short scored the winning penalty against...

Slovenian "model" and "wife" of "human being" Donald Trump has lashed out at allegations in The Daily Mail that she was a sex worker who had sex with horrible old men for money. What a...

A husband whose wife told him to do whatever he likes is still not aware that he really isn’t going to get to do what he likes.

Following the success of the reintroduction of beavers to Scotland, experts are planning to repeat the experiment with the rare and previously thought extinct Southern Train. Beavers, once natural to Great Britain, have successfully re-established...

Tributes have been paid to Gregor McGregor, Scotland's oldest man who died today aged 35.  An angry man with an impenetrable accent told us, "It's with great sadness that news reaches us of McGregor's passing....

The West Wing has been forced to defend President Trump against malicious disinformation about his health and state of mind for months. Allegations about his lack of virility have been defended by scores of women...

Due to the success of its Strictly Come Dancing series and it's desperate search to find a Bake Off replacement, the BBC has commissioned a series of Strictly Morris Dancing to be shown next...

Tommy Robinson has been voted HMP Hull's softest mouth award. Mr Robinson will be awarded the prize in a ceremony to be held on the roof of the prison. One insider told us, "Tommy is already...

POTATUS has announced that he will begin to give CNN press conferences in Saudi Embassies from now on. The announcement comes as his administration complained that reporters ask too many hard questions and rarely ask...

A German national has plummeted to his death after a Christmas party at the Nakatomi Tower in Los Angeles got a little bit out of hand. Herr Gruber was pronounced dead at the scene after...

Tie me kangaroo down Banksy, can you tell who it is yet? Well perhaps here at The Rochdale Herald we are nearer to being able to say yes, yes we can as a four...

In a shock revelation today, it has been confirmed that the Labour leader and General Election candidate Jeremy Corbyn is not in fact the Messiah, but instead is 'a very naughty boy.' The announcement came...

A pair of lucky childless bastards have managed to book an off-season five star holiday to an empty resort at a cost of almost exactly fuck all. Mark and Emma Warner, 37 and 32, found...

The solicitor for the notorious murderers Fred and Rose West have released a statement saying that Mrs West and her deceased husband are 'in no way affiliated with or agree with the views of...

The Met Office has issued an amber warning for apocalyptic snow and ice overnight after a Northerner was overheard speculating that it might be an idea to get his big coat out of the...

Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of people from a wide range of areas across Britain.  One insider...