Flat earth map

Sheffield Council declare majority of citizens think world is flat

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Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll...
Kate and William

Royal baby has already earned more than you

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The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have left hospital after increasing the burden on the taxpayer for a third time. The new prince, who was...

Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit

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Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today. There's been a...
Conservative Party

ISIS claim responsibility for Conservative Party Conference

29
The attackers wrote Boris’s jokes, Theresa May’s speech and arranged for all the letters to fall off the wall behind the Prime Minister during her main conference address in an audacious display of comic timing.

Clock in car mysteriously right again

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There was befuddlement all over the UK this morning after every motorist in the country reported that the clock in the car is mysteriously...

Couple still at bottle bank

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A Rochdale couple is now entering their third day of disposing of bottles at their local bottle bank.
Southern Rail

After success with beavers in Scotland, trains to be reintroduced in South of England

16
Following the success of the reintroduction of beavers to Scotland, experts are planning to repeat the experiment with the rare and previously thought extinct...

No arrests made as gang of white people chase group of black men through...

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Reports are coming in of a civil disturbance in London which has seen a mob of almost 40,000 white people chase a small group...

Dog shit bin in Rochdale park to be named after Nigel Farage in New...

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A new dog waste bin being installed in Mandale Park is to be named after Nigel Farage, according to plans allegedly leaked by a...

Man thrown out of vegan cult for wearing donkey jacket

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There was outrage in the Burnley hemp weaving community today after a man was expelled from his local vegetarian cult for wearing a donkey...

Polite man starves to death whilst holding door open for ungrateful strangers

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A polite man has starved to death in full view of the public while holding a door open for ungrateful strangers at the John...

Tommy Robinson thrown out of restaurant after complaining about ‘Allah Cart’ menu

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Tommy Robinson has been thrown out of a restaurant in Oldham after a campaign event today after starting a row with the manager over...

Brexit Party MEPs accidentally turn to face Mecca during national anthem

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Brexit Party MEPs have apologised to their racists after accidentally turning to face Mecca as the European Parliament returned. "It was an honest mistake and...
Beer

Sad wankers unable to even part a Londoner from his beer

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Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have...
Woman who put cat in a wheelie bin

Woman who put cat in wheelie bin appointed goodwill ambassador to World Wildlife Fund

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In a controversial move the World Wildlife Fund has appointed that old woman who was filmed putting a cat in a wheelie bin in...
Ant and Dec

Ant McPartlin’s forehead to be used as theatre wheelchair ramp as part of community...

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There was a much needed boost for disabled theatre lovers today, as a West End theatre confirmed they had secured the use of Ant...

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