Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy

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In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten...
Prince Harry

Prince Harry to marry woman he is barely related to

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Prince Harry is breaking with Royal protocol by marrying an American actress he is barely related to. Kensington Palace are said to be disturbed  saying...
Flat earth map

Sheffield Council declare majority of citizens think world is flat

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Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll...

Owning an IKEA loyalty card doesn’t count as Swedish heritage, disappointed Scots told

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Avid football fans across Scotland were left disappointed earlier today when it was confirmed that membership of IKEA's Family Card scheme does not count as Swedish heritage.  The news comes...
Bob Geldof

Sanctimonious tax avoiding ex-pat hands back key to city he doesn’t live in for...

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London-dwelling sanctimonious tax-avoider Bob Geldof has said he will return his Freedom of the City of Dublin. Geldof, a remarkably rich registered non-dom who pays...
Children At Christmas

It’s definitely CHRISTMAS – Big Fat Secret Santa buys 13,500 presents worth £97,952

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It is definitely Christmas you unbelievably charitable and hilarious lunatics.  You crazy people have now bought £98,000 worth of presents for 13,500 kids and teenagers...

Patriotic billionaire Brexit supporter patriotically moves headquarters to Singapore

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A Brexit supporting patriotic billionaire is so confident that Brexit is good for business that he's decided to move the headquarters of his business...

Nuclear holocaust averted as Southern Rail selected to deliver US missile attack

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A spokesman for Southern Rail confirmed to the Rochdale Herald that in view of the anticipated two day delay the four minute warning given in advance of nuclear attacks would consequently be extended to 2,880 minutes.
Sofa

David Davis and Liam Fox successfully negotiate paying full price for DFS sofa

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Liam Fox and David Davis have been telling reporters how they were able to utilise their formidable negotiating skills to buy a new sofa...

Kevin the Carrot beheaded by Muslims.

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Popular TV carrot Kevin was among a bag of carrots snatched from the Oldham branch of Aldi by ruthless Muslim gang the 'Iqbal family'. The...
Donald Trump has a gold leaf living room yet tells the government he doesn't pay tax because you would waste it

Man with solid gold living room tells government “I don’t pay tax because you...

1
A man who owns a solid gold living room reportedly told one hundred million of his closest friends that he doesn't pay Tax in...

Nigel Farage to replace David Dimbleby as host of BBC’s Question Time

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The BBC have confirmed that Nigel Farage is to replace David Dimbleby as the host of its topical debate programme Question Time. It is understood...
Tony Montana

Tony Montana to become new White House communications director

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Tony Montana is set to become White House communications director following the sacking of Anthony Scaramucci today. Mr Montana was last seen toting M16A1 guns...

Expenses scandal as Jeremy Corbyn claims £30,000 for Hi5 tuition

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been embarrassed again this week, as he miss-judged yet another high five. Last week the allotment gardening marxist patted fellow MP...

Polite man starves to death whilst holding door open for ungrateful strangers

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A polite man has starved to death in full view of the public while holding a door open for ungrateful strangers at the John...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn is always right and his wee wee smells of rainbows

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In the wake of this week's political posturing a spokesman for Momentum and a journalist for the Canary has revealed that Jeremy Corbyn is...

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