Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Traffic Jam

Chaos on Cambridge roads after Sat Navs hold minute silence for Stephen Hawking

There has been chaos today around Cambridge today after all the Sat Navs in the town spontaneously held a minute silence in remembrance of...

Rochdale cyclist says he’s right about earth being flat

0
A Rochdale cyclist has spent the entire week explaining to people he works with how he knows the Earth is flat. Carl Isles, cycles the...

Local scientist proves no link between Marmite and racism

Homegrown boffin and university lecturer Professor Arthur Nidear has today Published his findings after 2 years researching whether the much-loved spread, which is also...

Twitter Breaks Under Strain of Highly Original Wit

Twitter was forced to set up thousands of new servers today after an Australian car safety campaign released pictures of Graham. Millions of original witsters...

NHS partner with WhatsApp to reboot IT project

In a move to reduce costs and breathe new life into the long-abandoned £11.4 billion Centralised Records System, the NHS has announced a partnership...
analogue

Government digital service actually still analogue

The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber...

Last man smart enough to figure out how to set clock on Microwave dies...

The last man intelligent enough to set the clock on the microwave to the correct time has reportedly died aged 74. The man, an astrophysicist...

Government that can’t afford to electrify TransPennine Express announces plans for a space program

0
The Government has announced a vague and ill thought out plan to start a space program instead of electrifying the TransPennine Express railway line. A...

Rochdale in mourning as Willy Wonka actor Brian Cox dies in his sleep

The much loved character was played by the very youthful looking 83 year old Scientist, Actor and Professor Brian Cox who sadly passed away...
Scientist

Scientists prove warm prosecco only explanation for Love Island

A scientific study has been released that shows that Love Island can only be explained by warm prosecco. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college told...
Prime Numbers

Government Set to Outlaw Prime Numbers

In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime...

No Plans For Apple Tax to Just Rest in Irish Account 

The Irish government and their opposition are in agreement that they shouldn't have to tax corporations after an EU court suggested that perhaps Ireland...

Elon Musk to harness teenage angst as source of renewable energy

0
South African science lunatic & suspected wizard Elon Musk has turned his attentions to what he calls "mankind's greatest untapped resource". A spokesperson for Mr...

Researchers reclassify idiocy as alt-intelligence

Gavin Chappie of Rochdale Community University claims to have made a discovery in the development of AI.  He told the Herald that his theory may...
Doctor

Eating food causes cancer, says government scientist

This startling fact has now been scientifically proven and published in an official report. Restaurants will be forced to close after it was discovered...

Facebook servers crash after everyone announces they’re drinking Prosecco

0
Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like; "The Prosecco is open! You know what that...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts