Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Bad dishwasher etiquette is evidence of evolution running backwards

Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into...
Traffic Jam

Chaos on Cambridge roads after Sat Navs hold minute silence for Stephen Hawking

There has been chaos today around Cambridge today after all the Sat Navs in the town spontaneously held a minute silence in remembrance of...

Rochdale Man wins Nobel Prize for Physics after discovering the Sun is HOT!!!

Joe Griffiths, from Rochdale, has been awarded the Nobel Prize for Physics after discovering the sun is HOT. It turns out that Isaac Newton wasn't...

Breaking: Climate Change Inevitable Declare Scientists

A leading group of scientists in the field of climate change and politicians from all over the globe on both the left and the...
Cigar Shaped Asteroid

Cigar Shaped Asteroid Ouamuamua’s violent past hints he’s from Blackburn

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Space - Mere months after it was revealed Om.. Oom.. that cigar shaped asteroid, was believed to have come from a distant solar system,...

Particle physicists admit Hadron Collider has caused slow end of universe

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It is 2 years since the upgrade and usage of the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider (RHIC) back in Feb 2014.  Concerns were raised by non-physicists...

Linkin Park’s poignant question answered

The question posed by Linkin Park all those years ago has been answered and people might not like the answer. According to scientists, who have been...

Left wing idiots as gullible as right wing idiots Scientists discover

Left wing idiots are are as gullible as right wing idiots scientists at Rochdale Community University Bullshit Studies Department have discovered.
Doctor

Eating food causes cancer, says government scientist

This startling fact has now been scientifically proven and published in an official report. Restaurants will be forced to close after it was discovered...

Smart Energy may help me keep job – says National Grid boss

The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw,  has today encouraged consumers to opt for "smart energy" devices which will enable her to...

Apple to move to Battersea iStation

Apple have announced this week that they will be basing their future British tax evasion projects at South London's Battersea Power Station. Mayor Sadiq Khan...

Parents ask kids to surf net to find solution to spending too much time...

Fresh fears regarding the overuse of the internet by youngsters has emerged, with experts suggesting that it should be compared to fast food. The...

2017 set to be hottest year on record

Experts in worldwide trends are predicting that 2017 will reach terminal levels of warmth by mid-June. Professor Thorfin Nerfstretcherrsson, Head of Rochdale Community University's department...
Doctor

Veganism can be cured claim scientists

Scientists at Bideford University have claimed that the recent epidemic of Veganism can be stopped if victims receive treatment in the early stages of...

Microsoft worker takes Apple to court

Yesterday, a Microsoft employee allegedly got a dressing down from High Court judge, the Right Honorable Justice Antony Smyth-Tomkinson. The employee who we cannot...

Taking are speling back!

The new Apple iOS update is to include a new autocorrect function for words such as muslin, briton and rasict. Computer giants and tax dodging...

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