Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Scientists

Scientists confirm this is the weird parallel universe

0
After 2 years of unprecedented levels of worldwide idiocy, scientists have discovered that the parallel universe where weird shit happens is this one. Popular...
Pigs

Brexit Party set for MEP gains. Scientists bring pig brains back from the dead

Early opinion polls show a likely overall victory for the Brexit Party in the upcoming European Parliament elections.  Scientists have restored brain activity to...
If we can pay for food we can pay for rockets - say NASA

If we can pay for food we can pay for rockets – say NASA

0
American space go-getters NASA are said to be up in arms about budget restrictions while there is still enough money available to feed some...

Apple to move to Battersea iStation

Apple have announced this week that they will be basing their future British tax evasion projects at South London's Battersea Power Station. Mayor Sadiq Khan...

Calm down love! Let me mansplain your research for you

Professor Eleanor Goodchild of the Cliff Claven Linguistics faculty at Rochdale Community University has published her findings on Male Answering Syndrome ('MAS'). The Herald's...

Trump Outraged To Learn of Invention of Phonograph

0
Taking to Twitter, So Called President Trump rounded on critics of his administration within the media, and their underhand strategy of recording stuff. "Edison fake American....

Stephen Hawking’s next book titled A Brief History of C*nts

Stephen Hawking is well regarded as the largest living brain in Britain and someone whose opinions are worth serious consideration, while Mr Hunt as something rather different.

Outcry as Moon to get 4G before Burnley

0
There was protest in East Lancashire today, as plans by Vodafone & Nokia to launch a 4G mobile network on the lunar surface from...
Fruit Salad

Fruit salad cancer risk

Fruit salads may cause cancer, top Latvian scientists have found. The study, published in Eat My Carcinoma, has sent shockwaves through fruit communities and...

Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus

Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...
Theresa May

May gives UK schools education 101

0
Prime Minister Theresa May has heralded education reforms by telling UK schools that there will be "no return to the binary system of the...

Only 17 more sleeps until numpties stop saying how many sleeps until Christmas

The London Sleep Clinic has today confirmed that it should only be necessary to go to bed 17 more times before everyone regains the...

Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University’s Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...

2016 still killing celebrities

Following the first few weeks of January and the continuation of celebrity deaths, alternative facts and general shitwittery we were granted an exclusive interview...
Chernobyl Fallout

Scientists warn against wearing Ukrainian underpants because Chernobyl Fallout

Scientists from the University of Kiev have issued a stark warning to people all over the world about the dangers of wearing Ukrainian undercrackers.

Man who received double hand transplant can’t wait to “trim his hedge”

The first person in the UK ever to have a double hand transplant has told The Rochdale Herald that he can't wait to get...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts