South African science lunatic & suspected wizard Elon Musk has turned his attentions to what he calls “mankind’s greatest untapped resource”.
A spokesperson for Mr Musk, who has made astonishing breakthroughs in other forms of renewable energy, told The Rochdale Herald “Yeah, wind power is great if there’s a hurricane or, like, a crazy big storm but otherwise it’s wildly inconsistent. Sometimes the wind hardly blows, sometimes.”
They added “after the sun, a teenager getting stroppy at the mildest inconvenience is the most reliable energy source on the planet.”
The revolutionary proposal suggests that across the globe, parents of teenagers ask them to do things they’d rather not do at specific peak energy times, like just before the adverts in Corrie or during The World Cup. The collective dramatic sighs from the world’s teenagers could power entire cities for hours & rural communities for several days.
In tests carried out in Western Australia last month the Musk Intelligent Lighting Facility managed to generate 15 terawatts of power by harnessing the raw, angst ridden kinetic energy of just 32 teenagers screaming ‘IT’S SO UNFAIR..I HATE YOU!”
A list of suggestions of how to provoke your teenager into such a reaction will be circulated by local councils but popular options include: “your mum & me think it’s time you started paying rent”, “can you bring the bins in?” or “I want you to accept nana’s Facebook friend request please”.
The phrase “I’ve changed the wifi password but I’ve forgotten the new one” will be saved for national emergencies & natural disasters.