Rochdale man jumps off cliff and blames friends not believing he could fly for...
A Rochdale man who sustained life threatening injuries after he jumped off Beachy Head has blamed his injuries on his friends not believing he...
Couldn’t organise a piss up at a brewery now Couldn’t open an envelope at...
People bored with ways of describing the gross ineptitude they see around them on a daily basis in work, in the media, in government and politics...
Emails found on MP’s pornhub viewer
A forensic investigation of Damian Green's computer has revealed that it was used for viewing emails, conducting research and processing documents, confirming that...
Record complaints at Ofcom as latest episode of ‘Tits and Swords’ contains no tits
Switchboards at UK TV regulators Ofcom were jammed last night after the eagerly anticipated first episode of the new series of Game of Thrones...
Ryanair cancels all flights to Russia
Ryanair have announced today that it is cancelling all flights to Russia in 2018.
The move that will be affecting almost no Irish passengers between...
Man begins month long quest to get fit
In a determined effort, this time (yes, this time it's for real, not like the other times) Simon Lardon, single, of Sheffield, has given...
BBC Believes Last Labour Voter Now Extinct
Naturalists have accused the BBC of poor science after it was revealed the broadcasting corporation believes there are no more Labour voters.
The shock extinction...
Gove says public ‘sick and tired’ of so-called legal experts…
Following the successful legal challenge to Brexit, Michael Gove has said that the public are "sick and tired" of so-called legal experts being high...
Veganism can be cured claim scientists
Scientists at Bideford University have claimed that the recent epidemic of Veganism can be stopped if victims receive treatment in the early stages of...
Radiohead Gig Attracts Record Number Of Twats
Research has shown that the Old Trafford gig on July 4th by Radiohead attracted more wankers than any previous gig.
It is estimated that,...
Isis Claims Responsibility for Education Fair Funding Formula Terror
In a shock announcement this morning, that surprised no one, a spokes-stool for Isis (other names are available) claimed credit for the proposed funding...
Idiot turns on News and now can’t sleep
A man in Lancashire this evening accidentally turned on his television this evening to see Donald Trump leading Hillary Clinton in the polls in North Carolina and now definitely won't sleep.
Spell Check a Racist crashes Facebook
Facebook was in chaos today after the soaring popularity of the Spell Check a Racist (S.C.A.R.) page caused a stack overflow causing the entire...
The Verve say lack of racism due to drugs not working
Indie stalwarts, The Verve have revealed that the in inspiration for their hit song, The Drugs Don't Work, was their inability to be racist.
The...
Tate & Lyle sponsor cabinet meetings
After what critics are calling a feeble effort to tackle childhood obesity the government is now in hot water again as it transpired that...
Theresa May rehearsing upcoming Brexit u-turn while on hill walking holiday
"It will be my most challenging about face yet." The Prime Minister is reported to have informed her cabinet as they prepared to disband...
