Mexican pole vaulter gold medal prospect training at the Trump Wall
Mexico - The Mexican Olympic Games committee have revealed that their biggest prospect of a gold medal in two years time at the 2020...
Northern supermarket to trial hummus
News is breaking that a well-known northern supermarket is to start selling hummus at some stores at some point in 2021.
It is thought that...
Tory leadership contest to be between Mark Francois and two slices of cheap ham.
With Theresa May's grasp on power reduced to the nail varnish on one finger, the candidates to replace her have been formally announced.
Weighing in...
Scientists confounded after man who left coat on still felt the benefit
Scientists around the globe are reeling this afternoon after a Rochdale man who didn’t take his coat off this morning still felt the benefit of wearing a coat when he went outside for a cigarette this afternoon.
We’re just going to f**king do Brexit, you lot look after yourselves May tells...
The Prime Minister shocked the country today by forcing a kindly old lady in a blue and yellow hat that looked like an EU...
RBS announces plan to rebrand as The Money Pit
The Royal Bank of Scotland has today announced losses of 7 billion pounds in the fiscal year of 2016.
The Bank has been running at...
Anglican bishop changes Facebook relationship status to – it’s complicated
Bishop of Grantham Nicholas Chamberlain this morning changed his Facebook relationship to: "it's complicated!" Although being in a relationship with a man he stresses...
Tickle my tummy, says genocidal bastard
A genocidal bastard from Lancashire has demanded that he has his tummy tickled this morning.
The mass murderer called Mr Wiggles made the request this...
MPs & Celebrities injured in stampede to be the most offended
MPs have described the 'hysterical' moment they were crushed in a desperate stampede to be the most righteously indignant and offended.
Mike Backbencher - MP...
Two kids remember something – proves some hippy shit totally
With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the...
Trump gives world a ‘pearl necklace’ as withdrawal does not stop emissions
President Donald J. Trump will keep his promise not to come in the world’s mouth and insisted he would squirt his emissions onto the...
No Plans For Apple Tax to Just Rest in Irish Account
The Irish government and their opposition are in agreement that they shouldn't have to tax corporations after an EU court suggested that perhaps Ireland...
May announces bed sharing and brunch in effort to save NHS
The NHS is in crisis, dead bodies litter corridors and elderly people lie stranded, a trip hazard for nurses, and a health and safety...
Brian Cox Announced As New President Of Flat Earth Society
Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn...
Jeremy Corbyn says Labour will Nationalise RyanAir
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has layed out plans to take RyanAir into public ownership alongside the railways and the Royal Mail in a radical...
Boris Johnson books flight home from New York with Thomas Cook
Downing Street have issued a statement this morning explaining that Boris Johnson won't be able to attend Prime Minister's Questions today because he's stuck...
