MPs have described the ‘hysterical’ moment they were crushed in a desperate stampede to be the most righteously indignant and offended.

Mike Backbencher – MP for Nether Pissle – was one of the victims of the carnage this morning, which is now being treated as a terror incident. He said that, while attempting to get to the BBC mid-morning news, there were ‘about three layers of people underneath me’.

Describing how he felt, the 57-year-old said that the most traumatic thing was the fear that he wouldn’t be able to call for a pointless and expensive Public Enquiry or even sign a petition calling for something that would happen anyway. He told us “I was just thinking, ‘this is it, I’m going to, in career terms, die’.”

Speaking to The Rochdale Herald, Mr Backbencher added that she also saw a little boy crying who had been “let down by this incident, whatever it was – I really can’t remember now – and that it was a really great photo op.

“His face was covered in tears and he was screaming – you can’t buy that kind of thing”

Celia Layter, MP for Shittington in Dorset told us “It was a real stampede and crush. There was a poor little boy smashed into the floor with his face bleeding and screaming. There was a woman shouting that she was pregnant.”

Another MP thanked a stranger on social media after he ‘pulled her from a stampede’.

She was evacuated from the BBC studio in Southwest London at around 10.30am following some news from America that has absolutely nothing to do with us. However on her way out, she was reportedly sucked into a ‘pile of people’ on the stairs which she believes may have been minor celebrities hoping for a brief moment of relevance.

As she disappeared under a sea of fake tan and desperation, she was spotted by a man who pulled her from the floor as people escaped. Posting on Twitter, she said: “To the man that pulled me out of the pile of people on the stairs during the stampede of moral indignation – you fucking wanker! I could have milked that for years if I had been injured”

Nobody can remember the cause of the stampede and to be honest, nobody cares.