Downing Street have issued a statement this morning explaining that Boris Johnson won’t be able to attend Prime Minister’s Questions today because he’s stuck in New York.

Mr Johnson and his entourage are currently queuing at the customer services desk at John F Kennedy airport awaiting repatriation to the UK after their Thomas Cook flight back to the UK was cancelled.

“We’re gutted if we’re honest.” A spokesman for the government told The Rochdale Herald.

“We’d booked an all expenses paid five star package tour of New York to coincide with the UN Climate Summit with Thomas Cook and now we’re all bloody stuck here.”

“At least Boris won’t be back in time to face questions in parliament about lying to the Queen and all that jazz.”

“Greta Thunberg has offered us all a lift back to the UK on her boat, we’ll probably have to take her up on it.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.