“I Can’t Wipe My Arse With New £Fiver” Say Tory Chair Lord Bastard
New Prime Minister Teresa May has had a sensational bust-up with party Chairman - Lord Bastard of Hubris - over the new £5 note....
Electoral Reform Society mislays dictionary
The Electoral Reform Society has admitted they've lost the Collins Gem dictionary they had lying around the office a few weeks ago, making them...
Petition to slow trains to Birmingham to walking pace hits 70 million signatures
A petition to slow down trains headed to Birmingham from London has hit almost 70 million signatures in under two hours today.
“Why on Earth...
Davis defends sub Euro pound
Minister for Brexiteers, David Davis, has reported that people only getting 90 cents to the Pound is proof that everything is going well...
Local scientist proves no link between Marmite and racism
Homegrown boffin and university lecturer Professor Arthur Nidear has today Published his findings after 2 years researching whether the much-loved spread, which is also...
Football team goes one point ahead in Premiership.
Fans of popular football team Chelsea Albion were agog with joy today when the team went one point ahead of arch rivals Liverpool Wanderers...
Naked gym guy insists “I’m just high on life”
Reports are circulating that a middle aged man stripped stark bollock naked last night at local budget gym, LoveMuscle.
Eyewitnesses claim he was beating his...
Blockbuster Video returns to Rochdale high street in post EU Britain
There were scenes of creaky jubilation on Rochdale's decaying high street as crowds celebrated the return of retail giant Blockbuster.
Rochdale's elderly population had turned...
Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go
Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game...
Radio 2 announces replacement of all Christmas songs with Call to Prayer to avoid...
If you want any chance of hearing any of your favourite Christmas tunes, then you better tune in to this week.
Radio 2 has today...
Cuts in police lead to cuts in Londoners
Leaked Home Office document reveals correlation between law enforcement and criminality.
A fall in police numbers is likely to have contributed to a rise in...
Corbyn sacks last of Shadow Cabinet who didn’t resign last year
In a shock move Friday Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn sacked all of his shadow ministers who didn't resign last year in protest at his...
Prize boffin apparently unaware of weather
The winner of this year's Dyson James Dyson Boffin Admired By Dyson's James Dyson Award, is Isis.
No, not the naughty middle eastern twerps, a...
Isis Claims Responsibility for Education Fair Funding Formula Terror
In a shock announcement this morning, that surprised no one, a spokes-stool for Isis (other names are available) claimed credit for the proposed funding...
Party planner faces cleaning bill after pile of elephant dung left in conference hall
Organisers of a widely publicised public party found themselves faced with a giant cleaning bill this morning after owners of the venue they partied...
Media finally find someone who didn’t already think all professional cyclists were on drugs
Shocking news broke this week that not everyone in the UK considers professional cyclists to be routine drug users.
Other media outlets this week revealed...
