Other News

"What has the EU ever done for us?" Biff Bifshop demanded. Draped in a St George flag and holding a readiness to perform fellatio on Nigel Farage if the opportunity ever presents, Biff knows a...

The White House has confirmed that the new range of Trump jigsaw puzzles, commemorating the President's achievements in office, are deliberately missing several pieces. The release of the puzzles is timed to capitalise on Trump’s...

There was protest in East Lancashire today, as plans by Vodafone & Nokia to launch a 4G mobile network on the lunar surface from 2019 meant the Moon would be getting the network upgrade...

UKIP have pledged to restore pubic hair to levels not seen since the 1970's, in a move they hope will secure the allegiance of older voters.  The party have promised to fight the modern trend...

Independent research carried out by a team of so-called "experts" has backed up a comment made by the Brexit Secretary today. David "What Am I Doing?" Davis reassured the public that a post-Brexit Britain will...

Over 1.8 million Britons have signed a petition to deny a State Visit to nylon-haired snake-oil salesman and part-time President, Donald Trump.  The petition insists that Trump's racism, sexism and general vulgarity would cause embarrassment...

Police were called yesterday afternoon after a large group of women were caught flouting the controversial "Burkini Ban" on Rochdale's world famous Stansfield Beach. Members of the public walking their dogs were distressed to see...

We keep hearing Donald saying he's going to make America great again, sounds good to us but we were curious to find out when precisely it was great. So we asked Douglas to do some...

The sporting world is in disarray this morning after an unbeaten professional boxer won a boxing match against a bloke who hadn't had a go at boxing before. "I'm pretty shocked actually." Some bloke who...

Conservative MP Stephen Phillips, who has represented Sleaford and North Hyekham, in Lincolnshire for 6 years has resigned. The word in Westminster is the barrister and recorder is unhappy with the way the government are...

Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team. Katie, the former Apprentice contestant and Jungle evictee who lost her...

Allegedly Paul Dacre rang round every Daily Mail journalist to ensure The Daily Mail created the appropriate coverage of the terrorist incident in Finsbury. Simply saying that some idiot had driven into a crowd of...

Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant, a large Ficus Lyrata Bambino, is to going to release a seven inch cover of the 1921 classic “Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen”. The single will also a feature...

Hillsborough a fine benchmark. Reports are reaching Herald HQ that Grenfell survivors paused on their way out of the tower to loot the dead. They then joined the drunken firemen and other first responders in...

Ex-EDL frontman turned solo hate preacher, Tommy Robinson, has become the first human to be fitted with a "cone of shame." Medical professionals deemed the pioneering move necessary after a video emerged of Mr. Robinson...

Hot on the heels of Boris Johnson's success in the Stable Door Shutting championships, the Health Secratary, Matt Hancock has added Straw Clutching to his own cv as a transferable skill a source at...