Happy Christmas to our Sovereign Parliament and readers
On behalf of the Daily Mail, we would like to wish all our readers a very Happy Christmas. Or if they don't celebrate Christmas,...
Tsunami threat issued for East coast of England after Yorkshireman does massive poo
A Tsunami threat has been issued for the East coast of England after a man who hasn't had a shit for a week...
Move classrooms into pubs, says government
After Ministers were forced to make a choice between opening schools in September or keeping pubs open, the government has decided to move classes...
Man who once burnt a Pot Noodle looking forward to another night of shouting...
A man whose cooking skills don't extend beyond pressing the 'start' button on his microwave is looking forward to another night of shouting at...
Muslims Infiltrate Ranks of Top British Sports Teams
Statisticians today pointed to a 25% increase in Muslims appearing among the top four run scorers in the England cricket team.
"It appears the sneaky...
US Police Departments to consider offering black suspects running start before shooting them
Following several nights of violence and riots across the United States in response to the death of George Floyd US police departments are said...
OED to honour Nigel Farage with his own word – A farage
Following the failure of a parliamentary motion to ennoble seven times unelected former UKIP leader Nigel Farage with a peerage or a knighthood, the Oxford English...
Bono reveals that a Lithuanian shopping centre was what he was looking for
U2 lead singer, Bono has announced that most of U2's songs are about his need to avoid tax.
Bono is alleged to have told the...
If Barry Manilow is gay then I’m a Catholic says Pope
Housewives favourite and renowned woman shagger Barry Manilow stunned the world yesterday by finally revealing he's gay.
SNN and Rochdale Herald in Plagiarism Mr Tumble Rumble
The Internet exploded this morning amidst claims that The Rochdale Herald is not only guilty of making up the news but has been plagiarising...
CABINET RESHUFFLE – Boris Johnson becomes Health Secretary
Theresa May's eagerly anticipated cabinet reshuffle has begun.
In what some would describe as "a bit of a surprise", the former Mayor of London and...
Fake News hurts everyone insists bloke who tells people Jewish wizard’s Mum was a...
The head of the Catholic Church has waded into the debate on fake news and he hasn't shied away from getting his hands dirty.
Pope...
The Verve say lack of racism due to drugs not working
Indie stalwarts, The Verve have revealed that the in inspiration for their hit song, The Drugs Don't Work, was their inability to be racist.
The...
The Smiths to reform for Cameron benefit concert
Legendary 80s Manchester miserablists The Smiths are to reform for a one-off benefit concert for former UK prime minister David Cameron, a spokesperson for...
If the dead weren’t so unproductive the economy would be booming, says Phillip Hammond
Chancellor Phillip Hammond has blamed sluggish economic growth figures on the dead.
"Our research over the last two quarters has proved conclusively that the dead...
Government to tackle loneliness in the elderly by converting them into WiFi hotspots
The government has announced plans to tackle social isolation in the elderly by converting them into WiFi hotspots.
The Department of Digital, Culture, Media &...
