20 a day smoker worried 5G mast will give him cancer
A Bolton man says he fears that 5 aside football pitch flood light is actually a secret 5G mast that will cause him to...
Trump challenges Nancy Pelosi to MMA fight
In perhaps his most bizarre tweet ever Donald Trump has challenged Nancy Pelosi to a fight in the "Pentagon".
On the eve of his expected...
Irony pronounced dead after UKIP spokesman warns Corbyn Government would ‘take Britain back to...
Experts have announced that irony is dead. The announcement came after a UKIP MEP said that Britain would be plunged back to the early...
Nigel Farage to replace David Dimbleby as host of BBC’s Question Time
The BBC have confirmed that Nigel Farage is to replace David Dimbleby as the host of its topical debate programme Question Time.
It is understood...
NHS Funding: Less is more insists Jeremy Hunt
A government source told us yesterday that robot eyed shitkicker Jeremy Hunt has decided to take a more philosophical approach to the NHS crisis.
Dr...
Trump’s presidency is ‘metaphorical, not literal’, says Spicer
Following unsubstantiated wiretapping allegations, president Trump’s press secretary, Sean Spicer, has argued that Trump is the metaphorical president and leader of the free world,...
Hillsborough survivors reassure families of Grenfell Tower victims that justice will be swift
Hillsborough a fine benchmark. Reports are reaching Herald HQ that Grenfell survivors paused on their way out of the tower to loot the dead. They...
Brexiteers to die of cirrhosis 20% sooner thanks to Wetherspoons
Price cuts on just before date-expired cask ale and fizzy lager mean that Wetherspoons customers will be able to drink themselves to death more...
Nigel Farage’s shadow finally gives up and leaves him
As sick of him as the rest of the world. Nigel Farage's Shadow packs its bags and leaves the prick.
After a lifetime together Nigel...
Surprise! I was born in Kenya says Barack Obama
Barack Obama surprised the world today after announcing that he wasn't actually born in America after all but was actually born in Kenya, and to top it off is a Muslim.
Facebook Year in Review video reinforces depressed lonely man’s belief that his friendless existence...
Retired upholsterer, Brian Mould, was thrilled to see a bespoke video of his 2016 appear on his Facebook newsfeed earlier this week.
Filled with anticipation...
Sale of over-counter Viagra faces stiff opposition
The Women's Institute are lobbying the Health Secretary demanding that Viagra only be available through prescription and after consultation with a Doctor.
Recent changes bought...
Owen Smith has beaten off 1,200 young boys – says Owen Smith
Owen Smith has caused another Labour controversy in parliament after beating off hundreds of boys in an attempt to pull his wife.
Mr. Smith told...
Rochdale man caught speeding forced to sell kidney to pay fine
Plumber, John Thomason of Norden was caught doing 42 on Edenfield Road, which has a limit of 40 on that stretch. He has been fined...
Clocks won’t go back this month due to EU ruling
The European Union and the UK Government have agreed that the UK's clocks won't go back an hour in October this year or change...
Don’t vote for a chaotic Brexit, says cause of chaotic Brexit
Loose cannon David Davis describes the scattergun approach to Brexit as "regrettable". The strident anti-EU campaigner wants the UK to cut the European cord,...
