X Factor viewers are hailing last nights episode of The X Factor, the greatest episode ever after the sound failed.
The still inexplicably popular show, featuring people sucking the life and soul out of once beloved songs for the enchantment of people who used to buy CD’s from petrol station forecourts and now proudly proclaim Coldplay as their favourite band was ended prematurely due to a technical hitch.
One viewer told us, “It was the fright night show. The singing mortician whose face was bitten off by a plague of Wasps had just finished singing “I’m a mess”, when it happened. One of the contestants was going to murder “I will always Love You”, whilst a camera in Dollywood captured Dolly Parton visibly wincing. But then nothing. It was silence and it was beautiful.”
Tonight’s vote has been cancelled meaning that all contestants will be automatically through to next weeks, ‘Songs to go postal to’ theme show.
The show will see contestants sing songs that they would sing if they were an active shooter laying waste to their place of work. Last years stand out entry was Stan Still whose version of “Bringing in the Sheaves” saw Louis Walsh declare, “I was moved to tears by that. I can just imagine a S.W.A.T. team breaking through a door and shooting you after you’ve killed 40 of your call centre colleagues.”
The Rochdale Herald cannot confirm the rumour that singing Professional Disco Dancer, Cliff Edge will sing “Mine Eye’s Have Seen The Glory”.
Another viewer, Bill Board was less amused. He said, “It’s desperately sad for some of them. It happened as Rayve had just finished. It could really set his chances of getting a Christmas number 70 right back. And Dani had a chance of getting to the final 50 of Britain’s, A Song For Europe competition. I just hope they can recover in time for next weeks show because that’s how empty my life is.”
It’s alleged that following the shows success other shows will follow suit with the BBC’s Strictly producers saying they may try a show without any dancing in it next year.
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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.