Moaning about stuff easier than dealing with stuff, scientists reveal
Scientist have discovered that moaning about your problems to people is much easier than dealing them. Professor Abra Cadabra of the Universality of Rochdale concluded...
Supermarkets completely free of dickheads right now, for some reason
Supermarkets across the country are reportedly completely dickhead free for the first time since 1990 according to sources.
The complete absence of knuckle dragging fuckwits...
Only two prime ministers till Christmas
Children around the UK were feeling giddy this morning after learning that it's now officially on two prime ministers until Christmas morning.
"I can almost...
Rats accuse Boris Johnson and David Davis of Cultural Appropriation
Yesterday following a heated meeting over Brexit David Davis and Boris Johnson resigned from their positions as Minister for Brexit and Foreign Secretary respectively.
The...
Boris resigns to spend more time in storm drain beckoning to children
Boris Johnson has resigned from his position as foreign secretary today, and has returned to his natural role as a malevolent entity which preys...
Does my bum look big on top of this broken ambulance?
Several women have taken to the top of ambulances in their latest quest for reassurance about their weight
Becky Donaldson, 23, is fairly confident she...
Michael Gove is somebody’s favourite for something
Michael Gove's mum has spoken of her delight this morning after her son was described as somebody's favourite, including her's, for the first time...
SHOCK as England fans vote 52 to 48 to LEAVE the World Cup
There is widespread shock around England today after the English voting public voted 52% to 48% for the England football team to leave the...
Mixed feelings for Tommy Robinson supporters as bloke called Ali puts England into semi...
Ruddy faced racists up and down the country are said to have mixed feelings about England getting through to the World Cup Semi Finals...
Owning an IKEA loyalty card doesn’t count as Swedish heritage, disappointed Scots told
Avid football fans across Scotland were left disappointed earlier today when it was confirmed that membership of IKEA's Family Card scheme does not count as Swedish heritage.
The news comes...
Dickheads eaten by lions
At least three dickheads have been mauled to death and eaten by some lovely lions after breaking into a wildlife reserve in South Africa.
The...
Vatican declares official miracle after England win on penalties
The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first...
Psychic World Cup octopus Rabio sleeps with the fishes
Psychic Rabio set to bring joy to many Japanese football fans despite the national team's recent World Cup exit.
While the Japanese football team face...
Having cake and eating it disappointment intensifies
A group of Rochdale toddlers are stamping their feet and crying after they were told that they cannot have their cake and eat it.
The...
Asthma Society public awareness campaign kicks off with three-week cycling Tour of France
Saturday sees the start of The Asthma Society's global awareness campaign. 176 chronic asthma sufferers will cycle 2,082 miles of the roughest French terrain...
England football team looking forward to appearing in final of Celebrity Masterchef
The English football team have confirmed that they're really looking forward to appearing on Celebrity Masterchef next week.
Gareth Southgate said, "Our preparations are going...
