Cabinet to watch Game of Thrones to pick up tips on killing each other
Theresa May has reportedly ordered her cabinet, and junior ministers, to watch Game of Thrones in order to get better at killing one another.
This...
Dacre overjoyed as Khan hints at Brexit backdown
There are reports of loud and frenzied whooping sounds coming from the office of Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre this afternoon at the news...
Bloke paid to piss off bull killed by pissed off bull
A bloke whose job it was to piss off two tonne bulls managed to piss off a two tonne bull to the extent that...
Nick Clegg to run for leadership of Libdems
Nick Clegg has announced his intention of running for the leadership of the Liberal Democrats following the shock resignation of Tim Farron.
In a speech...
Hillary Clinton’s ‘Human Suit’ malfunctions at 911 memorial service
The Presidential frontrunners cybernetic 'human suit' momentarily glitched at the recent 911 memorial service at ground zero yesterday, the third time this has happened...
Nearly okay to kill elephants again
As we take in the wonderful news of the large increase in the number of elephants across the south of Africa, Zimbabwe has called...
Paul Hollywood found dead after ‘eating himself’
Master baker, Paul Hollywood's human remains were found a few hours ago in a Premier Inn in Clitheroe.
"All that was left was his right...
Assange ready to be extradited from his own arse
Julian Assange has confirmed that he is willing to be extradited from his own arse following Barack Obama’s decision to commute the sentence of US Army...
Eating food causes cancer, says government scientist
This startling fact has now been scientifically proven and published in an official report. Restaurants will be forced to close after it was discovered...
Trump: tinfoil a good defence against mind control rays
President-elect Donald J Trump has announced a groundbreaking and cutting edge technology to combat the growing menace of conspiracies facing the US.
He is well...
‘GO HARD OR GO HOME’ Corbyn screams at Shadow Cabinet
Three Labour frontbenchers have been sacked and a fourth has resigned after voting for a Queen's speech amendment calling for Britain to remain within...
Dentist warns that Halloween treats ages teeth of refugees
The spokesman for the Royal College of Dental Surgeons has issued a warning not to feed sweets to starving children.
Gove Demands Westminster Soft Play Area
Michael Gove MP caused elation inside Kate Hoey MP today with his demand for a soft play area at the Palace of Westminster.
Gove, the...
Love Island Special – John Terry sacks Agent after he asked to join “that...
John Terry, the legendary back door man and occasional footballer, has sacked his Agent after finding himself trapped in a 1 year contract at...
Elon Musk to harness teenage angst as source of renewable energy
South African science lunatic & suspected wizard Elon Musk has turned his attentions to what he calls "mankind's greatest untapped resource".
A spokesperson for Mr...
Chequers agreement shreds itself
Michel Barnier has revealed that the sole copy of the latest version of the Chequers agreement shredded itself in his office yesterday.
"I popped out...
