Other News

A new cure has been unveiled by the NHS to stop people choking - looking at pictures of Jeremy Hunt. This seemingly controversial move actually has a firm basis in scientific fact. Dr Flo Ofair...

A GoFundMe page was set up yesterday and has already raised over a £170,000 with all proceeds to someone. The page's founder, Simon Collins, said; "I don't care who gets the cash, I honestly don't....

Almost the entire Salford lineup have been selected as part of England’s squad for next year’s World Cup, it has emerged. All the English players from the team have been picked to represent their...

Rochdale housewife Vicky Lucas has revealed the dichotomy she faces over her usual Saturday trip to Asda. "Normally I'd go and do my 'big shop' on a Saturday, and with the kids being home from...

A talented group of female footballing MPs have no choice except to train for football games in the House of Commons Starting a new football team had seemed such a good idea.  Especially one for...

The Labour Party has revealed a manifesto that will revolutionise British politics by getting rid of the Labour Party. Speaking to the Herald a spokesman said, "This manifesto is aimed at appealing to as few...

In an effort to combat the rise in fake news stories appearing on the website’s feeds Facebook is to establish the Ministry of Truth. Employees of the Ministry of Truth (known within the Social Media...

A recent survey of lobotomised knuckle dragging fuck nuggets revealed that they are fighting against the values that they themselves hold most dear. We caught up with one of the  participants, Baz 'Smiff', a UKIP...

Reports this morning out of Downing Street say firefighters were called last night after a woman became stuck between two windows attempting to retrieve a policy document. The woman has not been named, but an...

Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the exact symptoms of sunstroke, the search engine has given up...

The Tory spin doctors are especially busy this morning on the nation's airwaves ensuring everybody they are not taking yesterday's electoral results as a guarantee of success on June 8th. Downing Street has even gone...

Controversy struck Hollywood today when news broke that a new high budget movie might not feature Bendable Cramplebitch. "2017 is a brand new year," said Hollywood pundit Selina Pastiche, "and it's time that not every...

Marvel Studios have confirmed that there are currently no plans for the gonorrhoea 'superbug' to star in its next instalment of the Avengers franchise. Referred to as 'Super-Gonorrhoea' in the press, the untreatable STI has become...

Derek Brasshouse, 54, an accountant in Rochdale Borough Council's swimming pool department, considers himself to be still 'with it' because he enjoys new bands like Radiohead and the Foo Fighters. He told the Herald...

After accusations that contestant duo, The Brooks, have financial links to has-been Stock, Aitken and Watermelon product Sinitta and were also guaranteed success on the karaoke show, allegations of fixing have spiraled out of...

Employees from a Rochdale conservatory company have been explaining how a new employee is definitely up to something. Simon Simpson started on Monday and told us, "It's been good so far. Everyone is really...