Doctors

Rochdale A+E under stress from record levels of chafing

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A + E departments and walk in clinics are struggling to deal with thousands of cases of extreme chafing caused by the hot weather. John Welsby...
Bomb Squad

May tells Merkel,”This is just a taste of what I’ve got”.

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News reports this morning state that the entire city of Hannover is to be evacuated following the discovery of numerous unexploded WW2 bombs. Apparently, Theresa...

ISIS Propose Christmas Cease-Fire Kickabout

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ISIS troops fighting around the city of Palmyra have suggested that hostilities be put aside for a few hours at Christmas for an informal game of football with opposing ground forces.

May May trigger Brexit in May? Maybe

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Theresa May today revealed her plans and a slogan for Brexit; a bitter, lonely and incontinent future with seventeen cats and no continent. The slogan...

Leave voters incensed as EU threatens to take away Continental summer weather

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Leave voters voiced their anger today as the EU threatened to take away the Continental weather that sees England baking in sunshine and heat...

Rochdale Man’s attempt to iron his shirt declared a blazing success

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Unbelievably, a Rochdale man has found the iron and ironing-board and pressed his Friday night drinking shirt, unaided. Last Friday, Alan Bloke (37) was...

A new Pokemon Go addition announced today is the Govey

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The rare Pokemon can be found near knife drawers and can be evolved from its natural Tory stage, to raging Racist Govenator stage to...

Marvel say Super-Gonorrhoea ‘unlikely’ to feature in new Avengers movie

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Marvel Studios have confirmed that there are currently no plans for the gonorrhoea 'superbug' to star in its next instalment of the Avengers franchise. Referred to...
refrigerator

Sales of refrigerators tumble due to British Gas price hike

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This week brought the news that British Gas are set to raise their prices again, effecting millions of loyal customers. This move will likely see...

Who you calling dangerous? Asks Kumbuka

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Today the Rochdale Herald is delighted to bring you our exclusive interview with Kumbuka the gorilla who briefly escaped from London Zoo this week. RH:...

Daily Express reveal AIDS originally created by Corbyn as anti-Tory bio-weapon

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Ground-breaking new research by Daily Express reveals Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, created a modern day plague in league with the IRA As we all know,...
Teenagers

A-Level students share their entertaining delusions about making the world a better place

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As we do every year, every damn year, we headed down to Rochdale Sixth Form College. Next to Hopwood Hall College, in what our...

RBS announces plan to rebrand as The Money Pit

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The Royal Bank of Scotland has today announced losses of 7 billion pounds in the fiscal year of 2016. The Bank has been running at...
Theresa May

Theresa May gives civil servants 300% wage rise for World Aides Day

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Unelected Prime Minister and part time Zelda impersonator has managed to anger both equalities protesters and AIDS awareness groups with her latest gaffe. Mrs May...
Angry Man

Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend

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Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the...

Piers Morgan to be face of ‘Free The Ballbag’ campaign

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Piers Morgan has been revealed as the new face of men's rights campaign 'Free the Ballbag'. Inspired by the feminist 'Free The Nipple' movement, the...

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