Drug paraphernalia

Is Bank of England endangering health of cocaine users

3
A casual cocaine user from Rochdale has accused the Bank of England of intentionally trying to injure and poison him with the new fiver. Nathan...
New Year Eve Party

Turn your house into a Costa and other tips for hosting gatherings of more...

0
The Government have announced that gatherings of more than 6 people are to be banned. But what do you do if your "Company AGM"...
Blackhole

Supermassive black hole found at the heart of the Conservative Party

22
Scientists working at Rochdale university announced Monday that they have proved the existence of supermassive black hole at the heart of the Conservative Party. "Imagine...
Girls Don't Like Boys

Institute for Fiscal Studies claims girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money

11
Economists at The Institute for Fiscal Studies sensationally claimed yesterday that girls don't like boys but they do like cars and money. The report said...
School class

PARENT’S FURY AT COMPULSORY ARABIC LESSONS AT ROCHDALE PRIMARY SCHOOL

1
Parents are furious about Rochdale Primary School's decision to force children to learn Arabic symbols in Maths lessons. Many parents believe that forcing their children...
Bruce Forsyth

Sir Bruce Forsyth declared fit for work by ATOS

94
British television legend Sir Bruce Forsyth has died at the age of 89 of a chest infection. Bruce was well known for his dancing and...
David Davis U-turn

David Davis fails to negotiate corner on way to Brexit talks

0
Brexit supremo David Davis has suffered a minor road accident when he tried, and failed, to negotiate a corner. Healthcare professionals were on the scene...
Johnny Love Island

Love Island Johnny reveals ‘I have the clap’ as bosses rebrand hit show ‘Syphilis...

0
Love island viewers were last night in shock after it was revealed the island is to be transformed into a syphilis colony. The revelations came...
Michael Gove

Michael Gove concedes sushi made from poisonous blowfish should be made by an expert

0
Michael Gove, the man who claimed Britain had “had enough of experts” would appear to have at least some time for them, at least...
David Davis

David Davis-Brexit Speech in full

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In a monumentous speech to the House of Commons yesterday, the Brexit Minister David Davis set out the government's plans for taking Britain out...

Brutus advises senators to get behind Caesar

19
Marcus Brutus has urged the Roman senate to show support for their leader Julius Caesar. Addressing the press at a conference outside the Senate, he...
Corbyn Shape The Future

Labour leader confirms that he has a plan to break the country as well...

1
Jeremy Corbyn has closed this year’s Labour conference with a rousing speech to his Corbynista fans explaining his plans for an entirely fictitious and...
Bradley Walsh

Bradley Walsh cast on Doctor Who to tackle underrepresentation of middle aged white men

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Popular presenter of ITV’s The Chase, Bradley Walsh, has been announced today as a new companion in long running BBC sci-fi show, Doctor Who. The...

Littlest Hobo declared fit for work by ATOS

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Everyone remembers getting a little teary to the Littlest Hobo, don’t they? Each episode he’d make some friends and then leave, just as they were...
Snake

Snake oil cures are for idiots, say snakes

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A spokesnake for snakes everywhere has said that snake oil cures not one single disease known to man. "I get that being mortal is terrifying...

Universal Tax Credit not as funny as reductive jokes about benefit cuts complain satirists

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The National Union of Terrible Satirists, or NUTS, released a statement today complaining that it's almost impossible to make jokes about Universal Tax Credit because it's too bloody complicated.

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