Britain fails GCSE Economics, Business Studies, French, German, Spanish and History
Great Britain was disappointed to learn that she has completely failed GCSE ecomomics, business studies, history, French, German and Spanish today.
While GCSE pass rates...
George Osborne admits he’s Banksy confessing “it was my first job”
Evening Standard Editor George Osborne is rightfully popular with recruitment specialists but few people are aware of his first job as famous, mysterious street...
Russia announce plans for “performance enhanced” Olympics
Russia are set to announce plans to introduce the worlds first "performance enhanced" Olympics, we can reveal.
As many around the world will know, Russia...
Losers celebrate election victory
The winners of the 2017 election are despondent today as they downheartedly celebrate their victory.
“Yay. Fandabby bloody dozey,” said Conservative Unionist National Tory Society...
Parliament summoned for cross party reshuffle
An emergency cross party parliamentary meeting has been organised for 1:00pm today to try and resolve our broken political system.
With the Tories fighting each...
Cuts in police lead to cuts in Londoners
Leaked Home Office document reveals correlation between law enforcement and criminality.
A fall in police numbers is likely to have contributed to a rise in...
Transfer News: Surprise deal Rochdale – Man Utd
Transfer News: In a shock late move, minnows Rochdale have thrashed out a deal with giants Manchester United.
As this weekend brought an end to...
Season 9 of The Walking Dead to be filmed in Burnley Asda
The Burnley Magic Lantern Club has announced that the next Season of The Walking Dead will be filmed in an Asda store in Burnley.
Benny...
New London Development Announced
With todays news that the Calais Jungle has been cleared of filthy asylum seekers, the ramshackle dwellings have immediately been occupied by an even...
Kids told not to worry about GCSE results as they will be ‘no use’...
Children have been told that GCSE's will be of no use in the coming land war with the robots.
The education Secretary Justine Greening has...
Rochdale tipster to tax the Bookies
Horse racing journalists, tipsters, jockeys and even some dodgy-looking trainers are queuing up to apply for the Rochdale council's new Chief Executive of Betting...
ISIS Second In Command Killed Again
The Daily Express has reported for the eighth time this month the death of so called Islamic State's second in command.
"He was killed by...
Saint George will be denied entry visa under proposed post Brexit immigration rules
Brexiters across the land were furious today with the news that proposed changes to immigration rules after Brexit make it highly likely Saint George...
New Samsung Galaxy Note 8 to be unveiled by military bomb disposal unit
Samsung have hit the press with the announcement that their new Galaxy Note 8 device will be unveiled in August by military bomb disposal...
The Verve say lack of racism due to drugs not working
Indie stalwarts, The Verve have revealed that the in inspiration for their hit song, The Drugs Don't Work, was their inability to be racist.
The...
Theresa May wins ‘Person Most Surprised Theresa May is Prime Minister’ Award seventh week...
Theresa May is said to be thrilled this morning to have won the all party "Person Most Surprised Theresa May is still Prime Minister...
