Last man smart enough to figure out how to set clock on Microwave dies...
The last man intelligent enough to set the clock on the microwave to the correct time has reportedly died aged 74.
The man, an astrophysicist...
Daily Mail Editor sectioned after being confused by photograph of white terrorist
The Editor of The Daily Mail was carried out of Northcliffe House in a straitjacket this morning after a photograph of a white man...
Theresa May sets new record for least informative interview
Theresa May, the first unelected Prime Minister to have deliberately had her hair cut into the shape of a bell end has given an...
Corbyn warned to Beware the Ides of March
Jeremy Corbyn, twice elected leader of the Labour party has been warned by a soothsayer to "Beware the Ides of March".
It comes days after the...
Goldie melts down OBE to replace pawned gold tooth
DJ and alleged actor, Goldie, has vowed to melt down his MBE under the guise of moral outrage about some club somewhere closing down.
The...
Anger as ‘sexy Anjem Choudary’ costume outsells ‘sexy Tommy Robinson’ costume for first time
There were angry reactions across the UK today after it was revealed that a popular 'slutty Tommy Robinson' Halloween costume has been outsold by...
Losers celebrate election victory
The winners of the 2017 election are despondent today as they downheartedly celebrate their victory.
“Yay. Fandabby bloody dozey,” said Conservative Unionist National Tory Society...
Real children take it like a man says Eric Bristow
Overweight, heavy drinking child rape apologist and national embarrassment Eric Bristow has responded to the horrific revelations that young children have been sodomised by a football coach by implying that real children should take it like a man.
Foreign Office warns tourists not to travel to Iran while Boris Johnson is foreign...
In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already...
Scottish football team celebrates getting through to the last 16
The Scottish football team is celebrating getting through to the last sixteen; of a golf tournament.
Speaking from the Roving Sands Golf Course in Marbella,...
Grammar police call for tougher sentences
Grammar police call for tougher sentences Campaigners are calling for grammar errors to be punished with tougher sentences - especially for repeat offenders. "There...
Cheap bottle of wine is eventually returned to original gift giver
A bottle of £3.50 red wine from Lidl, which was brought to a house warming, has finally been returned to the cheapskate couple that...
Home Office confirms that new blue UK passports will be HALAL-CERTIFIED
The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom's post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified.
The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be...
Jury rules justified homicide after man murdered for drinking mug of tea without removing...
A jury has ruled justifiable homicide in the case of a man who was beaten to death on a train near Rochdale after several...
Dogs will be allowed on the Pitch during the World Cup in Russia
Man's best friend can now get even closer to the World Cup action. As Dogs will be allowed on the field during World Cup...
Engineer designs pram that fits in boot of car
Rumours are circulating around the World's scientific community that the man who has designed a pram that fits in the boot of a car...
