Heavy drinking child rape apologist and national embarrassment Eric Bristow has responded to the horrific revelations that young children have been sodomised by a football coach by implying that real children should take it like a man.

Former Sky Sports pundit and former celebrity took to Twitter in the early hours of yesterday to cement his reputation as an irrelevant arsehole with a series of magnificently grotesque Tweets.

The first read;

“Might be a looney but if some football coach was touching me when I was a kid as I got older I would have went back and sorted that poof out.”

Sky Sports, The Darts Association and Donald Trump have all moved quickly to distance themselves from Mr Bristow, who used to have an MBE, with Mr Trump muttering something about thirteen year old models “being different” and then locking himself in the bathroom.

Bristow went on to say that footballers were wimps and that he “bet the rugby boys were okay”.

Mr Bristow was surprised to learn that Brian Moore was a victim of childhood sexual abuse and is currently hiding from the 1995 Lions squad who are “keen” to “discuss” the matter with him.

Having learned that being a contemptible and idiotic arsehole on Twitter can shorten your career in the media Bristow was quick to apologise to try to keep his job at Sky Sports.

A spokesman would have told The Herald had we called them that; Eric is an idiot and we want nothing to do with him.

The Rochdale Herald have begun a petition to strip Eric Bristow of his MBE.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.