Ancient text

Daily Mail claim Koran found propping up wobbly table leg in Thomas Mair’s kitchen

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In a shocking turn of events, the Daily Mail have claimed police forensics have revealed to them that during the investigation into Thomas Mair...

Judge insists stabbing people is fine provided you’re rich and pretty

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A Judge set a legal precedent today after ruling that stabbing someone is fine provided you are blonde, twenty four, have a posh name, great...
Criminal have pixelated faces

Study finds people with pixelated faces 70% more likely to commit crime

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A study carried out by some of the country's top criminologists has highlighted a surprising correlation between people with pixelated faces and a predisposition...
Criminal have pixelated faces

Head of the Mafia innocent of being in Mafia says jury of Mafia members

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The head of the Mafia, 4 Tony's Tony is definitely not part of the Mafia after a jury made up of members of the...

EDL firebombs PC World in Rochdale town centre

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The computer superstore PC World, this morning lies in tatters as a pile of smouldering rubble following a devastating attack last night.  The trouble began...

Stereotyping men now a hate crime: Rochdale cracks down on Misandry

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Several women were arrested this morning following a verbal altercation outside Rochdale's women's institute.The women who can't be named for legal reasons are being...
Angry Man Shouting

Dyslexic holocaust denier accused of being anti-semantic

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"It's them Joos again!" exclaimed Noel Iteracy. "I hate Joos, except Orange Juice, they was a good band, but Big Country was huge twats...
magistrates court

Rochdale Man jailed for 15 years for leaving teabag in sink

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Rochdale man Steve Dickinson (38 and a half) has been convicted to 15 years in prison after being found guilty of leaving his teabag...
Blackeye

999 rescue for man who misunderstood the meaning of ‘rape robot’

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A dramatic and embarrassing rescue involving two fire engines and four police cars was underway this morning, after one man failed to realise his...
Old man smoking

Police find cannabis farm at Rochdale old folks home

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Cannabis plants have been uncovered at 'Bright Horizons' home for the elderly, Kirkholt, this morning. Police describe the haul as a kick in the...

Obviously McCanns done it, case closed by bloke down the pub

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After ten years everybody and their dog is still absolutely convinced that they know exactly what happened in the Maddie McCann tragedy in Portugal. “It’s...
Hillsborough

Hillsborough survivors reassure families of Grenfell Tower victims that justice will be swift

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Hillsborough a fine benchmark. Reports are reaching Herald HQ that Grenfell survivors paused on their way out of the tower to loot the dead. They...

Reports of widespread rioting across UK takes government by surprise

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Tonight, the U.K. Is in disarray. The major cities of London, Manchester, Liverpool, Leeds and Birmingham are in lockdown with reports of outbreaks of...

Man kills woman

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A woman has been killed by a man, make sure you use passive voice, the article is going to be about the woman This article...
Police

Expansion of stop and search powers opposed by MPs and other criminals

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Leaked Home Office document shows that the high concentration of police at the entrance to Parliament could lead to unprecedented levels of stop and...
Rosie and Jim

Rosie and Jim Seized in Immigration Raid

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News is emerging that 1990's TV stars Rosie and Jim have been arrested and are now facing deportment following the repeal of the European...

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