Ronald McDonald

Ronald McDonald found dead close to his home

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The beloved obesity peddler Ronald McDonald was found dead in the street in the early hours of this morning. The cause of death is...
Policing

Cuts in police lead to cuts in Londoners

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Leaked Home Office document reveals correlation between law enforcement and criminality. A fall in police numbers is likely to have contributed to a rise in...

Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy

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In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten...

No arrests made as gang of white people chase group of black men through...

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Reports are coming in of a civil disturbance in London which has seen a mob of almost 40,000 white people chase a small group...

Intentional explosions totally different to terror

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After around 30 people were injured, many more shocked and people consequently feeling terrified, New York officials are keen to point out that the...

Police call time on sex pests

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Paedophile sex pests across England and Wales are to be fitted with bells, in a new scheme announced by the police today. The new devices...

Julian Assange plans quiet Christmas at home

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Julian Assange has confirmed that he will be having a quiet Christmas at home this year. In a telephone call Mr Assange told us,...
Marty McFly

Marty McFly and Dr Emmett Brown arrested for crimes against humanity for failing to...

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The time travelling duo, Marty McFly and Dr Emmett Brown, are currently being held in the custody of Sheriff James Strickland in Hill Valley, Northern California. Strickland...

Ugly scenes in Rochdale Waitrose as champagne socialists panic buy Brie and Balsamic Vinegar

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Things took a turn for the decidedly unpleasant at the plush new Waitrose store in Rochdale's upmarket Shawclough Road area this afternoon as a...

Tommy Robinson fitted with Cone of Shame

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Ex-EDL frontman turned solo hate preacher, Tommy Robinson, has become the first human to be fitted with a "cone of shame." Medical professionals deemed the...

Unnamed Rochdale MP to be charged with being drunk in charge of a mobility...

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An as yet unnamed MP for Rochdale has allegedly been arrested for being drunk in charge of a mobility scooter. Police were called in the...

Criminals allowed to break law in ‘specific and limited way’ 

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The Home Office has confirmed that British criminals will now be allowed to commit crimes in a 'specific and limited way' following the government's...
Cat's Eyes

Traffic chaos as ALF steal M62 cat’s eyes

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The M62 was plunged into chaos last night following the removal of nearly 500 cat's eyes from the motorway at Junction 20 by the...
Santa

Scandinavian ‘Too Drunk To Stand’ Following Drunk-Sleighing Arrest

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Rochdale magistrates heard how a visitor from Lapland, Mr Nicholas Saint (1,747) created havoc in Rochdale with his erratic control over his team of excitable reindeer pulling a bright red sleigh.
Toddler Prisoner

Government plans to lower age of criminal responsibility to 2 YEARS OLD

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To help with the deficit, the government will be lowering the age of criminal responsibility to 2. The age of criminal responsibility is currently...

Forensics Team called after Amber Rudd murders her career

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Home Secretary Amber Rudd sounded like your mate's racist pissed wife at a children's Christmas party during her speech yesterday. West Midlands Police have said...

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