G4S win contract to run Guantanamo Bay
Top US officials today confirmed that security company G4S have been granted the contract to oversee all operations in the somewhat controversial detention centre...
Rochdale Murderer Caught
There was shock and disbelief amongst Rochdale motorists yesterday as the police went out and caught a murderer, instead of stopping poor innocent speed...
Duke of Edinburgh embroiled in food poisoning compensation scam
The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from...
An analysis of the situation regarding the shooting down of MH17
The West: Well, Russia. What do have to say for yourself?
Russia: Vot? I don't know vot you are talking about.
The West: That missile!...
Knives sharper than the tools carrying them
Causes of knife crime confirmed to be poor choices of dead victims
As knife crime continues to plague the streets of the capital, a bleeding...
Reports of widespread rioting across UK takes government by surprise
Tonight, the U.K. Is in disarray. The major cities of London, Manchester, Liverpool, Leeds and Birmingham are in lockdown with reports of outbreaks of...
Hillsborough survivors reassure families of Grenfell Tower victims that justice will be swift
Hillsborough a fine benchmark. Reports are reaching Herald HQ that Grenfell survivors paused on their way out of the tower to loot the dead. They...
Daily Mail Editor sectioned after being confused by photograph of white terrorist
The Editor of The Daily Mail was carried out of Northcliffe House in a straitjacket this morning after a photograph of a white man...
Ronald McDonald found dead close to his home
The beloved obesity peddler Ronald McDonald was found dead in the street in the early hours of this morning. The cause of death is...
Jury rules justified homicide after man murdered for drinking mug of tea without removing...
A jury has ruled justifiable homicide in the case of a man who was beaten to death on a train near Rochdale after several...
People who robbed Michael McIntyre receive award for services to comedy
Two robbers who robbed Michael McIntyre are to receive an award for services to comedy following their actions.
One of the two robbers, most recently...
Cocaine price plummets after death of Tara Palmer Tomkinson
The National Crime Agency has warned MP's that the Class A drug is 'set to flood the market' after the untimely death of Tara...
MP claims he was researching book on whether breasts make noises like clown horns
Leading MP Pete Who speaks out after being named in the Dirty Dossier.
The Member of Parliament for Goveshire West, Pete Who, has given a...
Traffic chaos as ALF steal M62 cat’s eyes
The M62 was plunged into chaos last night following the removal of nearly 500 cat's eyes from the motorway at Junction 20 by the...
Paul Golding Christmas Carol
Jingle Bells
My cell smells
It's gloomy and its rank
I only pissed some Muslims off
Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey
Jingle Bells
This is hell
I don't think...
Police force man to remove clothing on Rochdale beach
Photographs have emerged of armed police confronting a diver on Rochdale's now notorious Stansfield Beach. In this most recent effort to enforce new laws...
